Thursday, 01 November 2012
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The New and Truly In Love Me!
This post was submitted anonymously.
Over six months ago, I was in a horrible place. I had just broken up with my boyfriend who cheated on me and that night I took a look in the mirror and realized that I didn't like the person I saw.In all of my relationships, I had given and given but received nothing in return. Instead of solving issues, I carried the baggage and stowed it away in the closet of my new relationship. There was an incessant pattern of zero trust, giving myself up sexually too early on, and thinking that I had found love in something that really had none. I was so afraid of being alone that I dated men I knew were wrong for me, but consciously chose to ignore the signs, each time losing a fraction of myself until there was nothing left.
That night, I changed for the better. I stopped dating, having sex, and worked on myself. I did things for me instead of for others. When my ex asked me to take him back three months later, I refused. It felt great. While old me would have received him with open arms, I had since learned that I did not need a man to complete me. The new me knew that in order to be in a successful, loving relationship, I had to love myself first. For the next while, this is exactly what I did.
But then one day, I met the man that I'm in love with now. I was the bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding and I noticed the wedding photographer talking to someone. I flirted a bit with him at the wedding but nothing came up. He was so shy and sweet and I figured that a man like that must be taken. Lucky for me it turned out he wasn't and the bride was angry that I didn't tell her and she made haste to hook us up. Apparently, his last relationship left him with a broken heart and after that women thought he was too nice and this usually left him friend zoned. Admittedly, the old me would have too.
Long story short (not really), I pursued him and we are together now. We are in a long distance relationship but despite that so far it has been amazing. He is gentle, caring, funny and exciting. He pleases me both spiritually, mentally, and physically. He challenges me to be the best that I can be and makes no excuses for himself. He treats me like a Queen and in return I treat him like a King. I truly appreciate him and I know the sentiment is returned. And yes, he is too nice, and I freaking love it! It is in no way a curse, but completely a blessing.
When we visit each other, it's like we are seeing each other for the first time. I love that he opens the car door before I get in. I love that he holds the door open for me. I love that he grabs my hand when we walk down the street. I love that he is romantic. Period!
I'm happy and I wish this happiness for everyone. But most importantly, I am thankful.
Have you had to go under a huge personality and lifestyle change and thus improved your life substantially?
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Comments (14)
nah, i've always been pretty close to perfect, so no one really ever saw any need for me to change.
Never. Every time I tried improving myself I end up fucking up so I just decided to be an ubersuperskankabitch.
I know you're trying to be nice, but I really, really hate it when people say that. It's condescending somehow... like your happiness is somehow better than mine. I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but it irks me.
wow, bunch of negative Nancies up here
I myself have been in touch with your revelation all my life fortunately, because I did not have my first boyfriend until I was 18/19 years old and a freshman in college. For all of the preceding years I was just a wall flower and also a counselor to my friends that did consume themselves in relationships throughout middle school and high school.By the time I was into someone enough to take the plunge into a fully committed relationship, I was equipped with all of the knowledge I learned from dealing with my friends' relationships and completely understood how to apply that knowledge since I always absorbed it from a completely objective perspective. I was also used to being alone so I never got into it with someone else and became dependent on them.The first one didn't last too long before I dumped the guy, but it would be three years until I started dating my second, who is my present boyfriend. He admires that I can be independent but also very compassionate at the same time, and understands space and that the best relationship is when two people are together because they want to be, not because they NEED to be :)
Your lesson learned is a very important one that hopefully everyone comes to learn in their life, because it makes dating and finding your best person so much easier and saves a lot of confusion and heartache.
This was an awesome post. Congratulations to both you and your boyfriend.
I used to not like guys that were 'too nice', I always went for arrogant guys that just wanted one thing, or the one that I dated for a year who treated me like crap and then cheated on me (but I stayed because I was silly) however, that relationship ended almost 2 years ago and so much has happened and I learnt so much from that broken relationship and how I really want to be treated, and what I really value in another person that now I do like people that are 'too nice'. I don't think it's too nice, I think that's the way I should be treated by someone who loves me. I think it's because I've grown up alot in the last 5 years and although I'm single, I know one day the right person will come along and we'll be as happy as you are! :D until then I shall just be happy by myself and live life as much as I can ! :)
I'm happy to read that you didn't take a cheater back. If someone has to cheat then that's not the person for you. If you really loved someone you couldn't cheat on them ever. One of my friends who's a girl cheats on all her boyfriends and she even tells me she knows it's wrong but she doesn't stop it whenever she gets into a new relationship. I just want to tell her when she really finds the one person that she wants to be with, she won't be able to cheat on him but I didn't say anything because I know she'll do what she wants despite what I say. It's that black and white with cheating. Usually there are grey areas, but nope if someone cheats that's not the one for you.
I wouldn't say I've changed my personality but I've focused my attention elsewhere instead of unproductive things and have gained some good traits because of where I put my focus on.
hmm...I've always done things for me and still do things for me. my bf loves my princess diva attitude
so it works for us. I rarely "gave it up" or had sex with guys. I was and still am the hard to get one
being in a single mom family has shaped my mentality and how I view men; I often think they are not good enough for me and are good for nothing p.o.s./deadbeat lowlives lol I didn't personally know my dad, so I'm just going by who I think he might've been. well, my mother left him, so he must not be a good one. I never really asked her about who he was; I don't want to dig up a can of worms and would rather not know and don't care to know, so as far as I'm concerned, he never existed and I haven't cried over it. however, I weeded them out and found myself a keeper
I've been safeguarding myself as if I was my own "dad"
if I don't watch out for myself, who will. my mom does, but she worked a lot when I was younger, so I had to watch my own back and not let creeps take advantage of me
my lifestyle has gotten better with time, not that it was bad before. I didn't really make a 360 change. I've always been a stuckup/self-protective warrior
this public heart to heart conversation with the internet has been good:)
Glad you took the break up as a chance to improve yourself. After my last breakup I spent a couple years trying to improve myself and better my life. It worked for a while, but I think it's been so long that I can't really remember what I needed/wanted to improve and kind of just settled in whatever I've become now. Not that I'm not still working on improving, but it's definitely at a much less drastic degree than it was before.
Yay!!! Sounds like he is a BIG winner...and you are, too..
May you continue to be in love....and move closer together !!!
Christy
congratulations
Yep, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years did exactly that for me. Its hard not to fall back on old habits when the rose colored glasses fall off though. I know that this relationship has dramatically increased my self esteem, positive outlook, and really just every aspect of my life. Unfortunately my mom in me still craves a bad boy, its really fucking annoying to fight. I'm happy for you though, never settle for less than you are worth! :)
i just read your article and it is so inspirational. i'm not very lucky with guys too and right now i'm in the process of change. it's like you said, the new me knew that in order to be in a successful, loving relationship, I had to love myself first.
I just told myself (after a break-up) that I wasn't going to date again for a few years. not even a week later my now fiance' messaged me on facebook. We went to the same church, so we knew each other but had never really talked, so this message was completely out of the blue. I guess he was bored and wanted to just talk to someone, and I am so glad he chose to talk to me! We went on our first date about 1.5 months after I broke up with my ex, and not even a full month after he broke up with his.