Wednesday, 31 October 2012
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I Met Him on the Internet
You’re in a chat room, and you begin a conversation with a guy who lives a few hundred miles away. He seems to be a nice enough guy; in fact, you are the same age and seem to enjoy many of the same things! Fast-forward two weeks: after chatting with him online daily, you find yourself absolutely smitten by him. You confess your feelings for him, and the two of you decide that you are now an official item.Situations like these are becoming more and more common in this age of the Internet. Many websites serve as forums for people to converse with others who share their interests. Conversations about a common interest can often lead to the development of friendships – or more – among website users who may live hundreds or thousands of miles apart.
If you find yourself in a situation where you are dating a person you met online, there is always the tough question of whether or not to tell your family and friends about this relationship – or, if you decide to tell them, whether or not you should mention that the two of you met online.
Many people are strongly opposed to the idea of two people “dating” if they have never met face to face, and these people make some valid arguments. How can you really know if a person is exactly who he/she claims to be unless you have actually met the person? How do you know that the person isn’t already in a relationship with another person? How do you know that the two of you would even be compatible if you were together, in person?
With so many critics, how can you defend your online relationship to those who may question its validity? Or do you? Is your relationship a mistake?Every relationship’s success – or failure – is completely dependent upon the two people involved. Some people have found ways to create lasting relationships from the strangest of circumstances, while other people end their relationships with bitter arguments, shocking revelations, lawsuits, or, in the most unfortunate and extreme cases, even violence and death.
In my own life, I have observed multiple examples of people who entered into relationships with people they met online. While most of those relationships did not work out for various reasons, a couple of them have long-term potential. One girl I knew, who met her boyfriend on an anime forum, told me that although most of her friends initially tried to talk her out of her relationship, she had confidence that the relationship was genuine.
They lived two states away from one another, but they traveled to see each other every couple of months and maintained constant contact over social networking sites and texting. Two years after they started dating, this girl and her boyfriend applied to and ultimately ended up attending the same college, and they are still together and are now in a situation where they can physically spend time together every day.On the other hand, there is another girl I knew who, at the age of eighteen, entered into a relationship with a guy she met online, and let’s just say that relationship went downhill very quickly. Not only were her parents and friends completely opposed to this relationship from the start, but the girl was in for a complete shock herself when, after three months of dating, she learned that her dear “boyfriend” was, in fact, 40 years old and had two kids who were around her age!
Needless to say, this girl was completely heartbroken and never again attempted to form a romantic relationship with a person she met online.Now that the Internet has become one of the most prominent means of communication in our society, it is likely that many strangers will use it as a means of finding people to date.
How do you feel about the idea of dating a person with whom you have only ever communicated online? Is it possible to truly be in a relationship with somebody you’ve never seen outside of your computer screen?
Should people use the Internet as a means to find a potential romantic partner, or should they rely solely on meeting people face to face?
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- From: iamnotyourgrandma
- Name: iamnotyourgrandma
- About Me: I'm 24 years old, and, as my username implies, there is a 100% chance that I am not, in fact, your grandma. I enjoy discussions about relationship ideologies and examining how a person's background/upbringing affects his/her views about how relationships work. Feel free to leave me a comment or subscribe to my site!
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Comments (35)
I met my boyfriend online. We spoke on and off for about four years before we met, and we've been together for about six months or so now, and things are great. I don't think there's anything wrong with dating people you meet online, so long as you meet in person first. You can hide a LOT over the internet. Even Skype/phone calls is nothing compared to real-life.
I met my wife online, and that has worked out fine... been married since 2004. It's like anything, you never know who someone really is in real life till you REALLY get to know them which can take a long time. Just use common sense in all relationships and it's all good. If people have a problem with it then you don't have to share the info or try to convince them.
Skype is the answer.
people also question the validity of those who date people who they meet in real life due to the general lack of screening.
how you accept the advances of others says allot about your character. and so you should focus on mediums of interaction adequate. personally i see people who date those they meet at clubs as the worst, those who date strangers are low class, internet daters as middle class, and those who date due to shared interests (but not competing vocations) are highest common group.
everyone will disapprove of relationships and behavior not fitting of their choices or preferences. so you have the option of lettign them live your life, or to adapt to circumstance as you see it and to use 'technology' as you see fit. or to resend personal authority and assume the rules of previous generations.
i for one, do not, and will not, learn the symbolism of flower arranging. much of courtship as well as tradition has spoiled.
It's amazing that that guy kept up his story for three months before she found out. What did they talk about for three months? And this girl considered him her boyfriend after what, a few emails and IM sessions?
I think it's fine to meet people on the internet, but to really get to know someone you need to meet them in person.
It's a different kind of relationship, but it's a relationship nonetheless. I don't think it's unusual to connect or feel close to friends you've met online, but what's important when entering into a relationship that way is for there be a reasonable possibility of being together in person and to be actively working towards that.
There was a post here a few months ago from a girl who wanted some guy to wait like seven years for her. That's just unfair (not to mention batshit insane). It has to be realistic, otherwise it's just a relationship based on fantasy.
Video chats definitely would help...
I know numerous people who have made it work. I myself kinda ended up in one for quite a while, even though I never really recognized that it was one until quite a bit after it ended. I certainly had many arguments against online relationships at the time, or at least why I didn't want one, but looking back, my main reasons against them were more just the same as my reasons against long-distance relationships. Either way, the relationship is going to be very largely based on trust and communication (well... all relationships should be based on that anyway). Really the only difference is that in a "long-distance relationship", it's implied that you met them in person first, whereas with online, you didn't.
There is no definite should or should not. Some people should not... other people can go right ahead.
Met someone online, and we've been together for 3 months, I think something like this works if at some point, the couples get to met each other, and each other's friends and family, turning it into a long distance relationship, which can turn into something more afterwards. So far, things are working out for my gf and I, and our families seem to like that we've found someone that is good for us. Just have to see how things continue but so far, so good.
it's really no one's business that you met online, if you like him, what's so wrong that you met online?
I don't see why relationships can't be determined by the two people involved and not by their friends and family. Sure their opinions count, but like a great man once said, "All you need is love". Who cares how you found it and how you show it?
Online dating is for the emotional cripples and societal failures.
I've had a pen pal guy friend who I've met online on an AIM chat when
AIM was big back in the day. I can't believe we still talk to this
day. I knew him when he lost his virginity back in forever ago and he's
told me about all of his relationships. He's been with some long term
girlfriends and I have my guy friends I physically see but I can't help
but wonder what would happen if we ever did truly meet! I did have a
huge crush on him even though I have never physically met him. We had
planned it a few times to meet up since we're old enough now to make our
own decisions without supervision, it just was never the right time and
monetary problems for the both of us of course. And I don't want to
visit him when I have a boyfriend or if he has a girlfriend. There's
definitely been some sparks there despite it being through a computer
screen. I've actually seen one of his houses when we skyped a few times
and he's seen me on skype, too. I don't think it will be awkward at
all if we ever meet and he is who he says he is. He has no reason to
lie to me. We definitely do have common interests which I guess keeps
it interesting especially when it has to do with our careers.
I don't like the idea of meeting strangers on the Internet. For all you
know that guy could be some woman pretending to be a guy or vice versa
if you don't skype with them. It's easier to lie on the Internet about
things than it is in person although I have had people lie to me before
in person about even their ages and their status so I guess it makes no
difference, but in person gives you a better impression of that person.
I dont date online because when if were to actually meet face to face the interaction can be totally different from the interaction online. When im face to face with someone im able to do other quirky fun things that cant nearly be expressed online. It's the medium of expression which bars me from doing online dating.
I met my husband through the game World of Warcraft. We connected in-game and I found out he only lived three hours away from me at the time. After four months of talking, we met up and there was definitely that 'spark.' We just got married October 4th and have been together for three years, but have known each other for about three and a half.
This was a great entry. Online dating is pretty much another form of networking. It's not really all that different from meeting people in person, in the coffee shop, or library etc. I've been on OKcupid for the last year or so. The people you meet are essentially strangers you meet in person but with online dating the people you meet are not only strangers but non-personal ones. Truth of the matter is if one never meets the other in person, it's never truly a relationship. People have this incessant need to feel loved and make the "contract" of being in a relationship one of the essential foundations to creating something. However it should be based upon chemistry, time, values, and beliefs which are all nutrients for a relationship. What strikes me about a relationship based completely online is...how are someone's needs met? Being in a relationship holds many physical attributes necessary for it's growth. One can only do so much online. At some point or another one feels the need to have that physical attention which can only be found through a true relationship developed in person.
I am in one of these situations right now where I like(d) someone who was far away. I'm in CA and she's in NY. We met on Omegle about two years ago and have been texting, talking over the phone, and skyping ever since. We have chemistry like no one I've ever met and the bond we've developed over time is something unique from any girl I've fallen for. But we both came to the conclusion that being in a long distance relationship would be extremely hard for the both of us and we both did not want to hold that pain of missing each other. We both came to the conclusion that you ride the ride as long as it takes until it ends. We're very good friends and if she was closer there's absolutely no doubt in both our minds we'd be ideal lovers. I guess my point is the human condition requires physical attention in addition to the attention reflected through being loving. It's just how we are. Although there are exceptions to this rule, some people can go awhile without seeing their partner, it's mostly uncommon.
if the person is a two faced liar, then they can lie online or lie right in your face and the other person probably won't know who/what hit them until they end up chased by angry bats and pecked to death from a voodoo spell that the psycho cast on him/her. you can't really know if the person is intent on hiding/playing around or whatever else that they do. online or offline is part luck of the draw and part fugitive screening
i met my boyfriend thru facebook, granted it was all an accident and when talking we found out we knew mutual people. I actually think internet dating is awesome, i never really tried it but i know quite a few success stories. Its just that you do have to watch out for the liars or people posing to be fake. like MzKeekz@xanga said " SKYPE" .. only way to know what someone loooks like is thru video chat
Meeting someone online is almost the same as meeting in person. The ones you meet in person are just better at lying to your face.
Of course for some people meeting online is the only viable option. If you're not in college or high school there is really no place to meet a large group of people within reasonable distance of your age which you can pick and chose from. You pretty much have the choice of what you can meet at work (which is seldom good) or what you can meet randomly on the streets.
That being said, if you are going to date online it's stupid to get emotionally involved before you actually see the person. It's easy enough for someone to send fake pictures to your email, the only way to check them for certain is with a web cam chat. I have run into some fake people myself so here are the quickest ways to spot them.
If they always have an excuse for why they cannot get into a webcam chat.
If they are unwilling or conveniently unable to send pictures.
If they consistently refuse to let you call them on the phone or are unwilling to disclose their phone number to you.
If they say on their profile that they are living in the US but when you talk to them they are actually living in Africa.
So again, never get involved until you talk to them in a webcam chat. Without that the person on the other end could be anyone, and might not even be the opposite gender from you.
@AndrewTheWriter@xanga - A relationship based on physical attributes and actions is a shallow one, and not made to last. After being together a long time the physical aspects are no longer as special. A relationship based on dialogue and shared values and interests can last forever, regardless of whether or not the physical component is there.
I've personally never dated anyone online, but I think it's a good way of making connections. But like everyone else is saying, do make an effort to at least meet in real life (after a few times of video chatting perhaps) to confirm if you really see "sparks" before you jump head on and declare them your SO. It's always good to be cautious. People do tend to lie. Better safe than be a fool.
Excluding any opinions on the topic itself, I think we all need to take a second, and stand in awe at the fact that there's now a reasonably well-written article on Datingish
Someone check hell's thermostat.
I've met people online before. It's a tough situation, because like you say, it's hard to tell if people are who they claim to be. If meet someone I like on xanga or in a chatroom or whatever, I try to talk to them on skype or on the phone pretty quickly so that I can be more sure that they are who they say they are.
After you find out that the person is who you believe them to be, it's still a tough situation. What do you do? Do you start "dating"? I don't know. I've tried it and ended up disappointed with the results.
I met my husband online.