My boyfriend and I have been together about a year and a half. I love him even though he drives me crazy, and he loves me. He's older by a few years (I'm going to be 18 in 2 months). Anyway, I'm preparing for college and I'll most likely start in August. Even though it's months away I'm dreading the idea of my boyfriend and I breaking up. I feel like everywhere I've read it's almost a rule that you have to break up with your boyfriend when you start college.
I'm going to college in-state and the school is 20-30 minutes away from both him and my family (not the reason I want to go there, it's a really good school) so it's obviously not long-distance. He's older and has already graduated college, so it's not the typical situation of going to different schools and hoping he doesn't cheat or anything like that.
I'm really excited for college and all the experiences, learning new things and more freedom. I'm looking forward to everything (even the annoying roommates) but despite knowing I'll have this new life I still want my boyfriend included in that. I'm not the most romantic person in the world so I don't expect we'll be together forever, but is it so wrong to go into college and see if we can make it? Do you think just trying out the relationship and seeing if it can handle the changes would be worse than just breaking it off beforehand?
I've tried talking to him about it but he doesn't seem to want to talk about it. He always says, "We have months till you go, don't worry about it now," which is true but I'm such a worrier that I worry about everything - even things that won't happen to me for months or even years! I just love him a lot and I feel like he really gets me (I also lost my v-card to him so that might be the reason for some of the emotional attachment).
He's one of my best friends, too. (I've been home schooled since 10th grade, so I don't have too many friends besides my two best girlfriends and I'm really close with my family.) I know he loves me too, but I'm really conflicted on what to do.
Should I just try it out or go to college with a fresh start?
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I started dating my boyfriend junior year of high school... it's my junior year of college and we're still going strong. We do attend the same college so it's not bad at all during the school year but over breaks he lives 5 hours away since he moved to Boston after high school. I don't think I missed out on anything; I doubt one night stands and random drunken hookups would have really been worth it haha. But having my boyfriend with me throughout college has been amazing. He's helped me through so much and we have lots of fun together :) If you and your boyfriend really love each other and think you can handle it, try it!
Also, "I feel like everywhere I've read it's almost a rule that you have to break up with your boyfriend when you start college." Don't believe the internet, if you have faith in your relationship don't throw away an awesome thing! That would just be foolish.
Que será, será.
Definitely try it out first. The sterotypical American college experience is overrated. Do you really want to have drunken hookups and being shat faced? You have your entire life to experiment and enjoy life but it's not that common to find a real bond with someone. You'll kick yourself later if you didn't at least give it a shot.
Oh plus, my boyfriend and I drink and party all the time if that's what you're worried about missing haha, but it's so much nicer always having a place to go back to instead of ending up at some random guy's place. So if you're looking for the "typical college experience" you can definitely have one with a boyfriend! It just makes it better ;)
If you want to stay with him and he wants to stay with you, then stay together. Why should starting something new change that? Of course if you want to fuck about and have the typical student experience then break up, but then it doesn't sound like your relationship was much to begin with if that's the case...
I'm living proof it can work, although my circumstance is slightly different. When I started university my boyfriend and I moved in together. We've been together for 3 years and lived together for one (i'm now in my second year). if you both want it to work then you can make it work. Just make sure if he means anything to you not to get carried away with it all.
Hey,
I went into college with a boyfriend, and it was challenging. He is a graduate student, so he already had his opportunity to do the “college life” and he did that by being the president of his fraternity, having internship after internship, graduating in less than three years, and walking into a campaign manager’s job.
With his busy schedule I had plenty of time to find myself, and to enjoy being an out-going, fun loving college freshman without a care in the world. He and I had an agreement; I would make good decisions, and I would call him every night before bed… regardless of the time. It worked wonderfully. I got to go out, and have gross college boys hit on me, and I got the pleasure of turning them down (after they got me a drink of course, I’m taken not stupid) I would have a blast with my girls, and go home to have a loving conversation with the man of my dreams.
Sure, it is hard being apart from him, but it only makes our time together more valuable. We are approaching our three year anniversary, and I am currently looking for a school closer to him. I told him I wouldn’t move to him until he proposed and not only is he insisting that I look for apartments, but he has some engagement rings saved on his computer ( a good relationship is based on love, trust, and having the password to each other’s things haha) So hopefully this distance will light a fire under his butt.
If you really love this guy, don’t let that go.
Going into college with a boyfriend is a bit like taking a sandwich to a buffet, silly at first. But if you know you prefer the sandwich, you won’t put it down for anything.
Best of luck!
if you know you have something good, don't let it go. But if you are unsure, college is a great place to find out how you feel and how serious you are about him. If you drop him for every slice of new meat that comes into your life, then you shouldn't be dating him.
Hey,
I went into college with a boyfriend, and it was challenging. He is a graduate student, so he already had his opportunity to do the “college life” and he did that by being the president of his fraternity, having internship after internship, graduating in less than three years, and walking into a campaign manager’s job.
With his busy schedule I had plenty of time to find myself, and to enjoy being an out-going, fun loving college freshman without a care in the world. He and I had an agreement; I would make good decisions, and I would call him every night before bed… regardless of the time. It worked wonderfully. I got to go out, and have gross college boys hit on me, and I got the pleasure of turning them down (after they got me a drink of course, I’m taken not stupid) I would have a blast with my girls, and go home to have a loving conversation with the man of my dreams.
Sure, it is hard being apart from him, but it only makes our time together more valuable. We are approaching our three year anniversary, and I am currently looking for a school closer to him. I told him I wouldn’t move to him until he proposed and not only is he insisting that I look for apartments, but he has some engagement rings saved on his computer ( a good relationship is based on love, trust, and having the password to each other’s things haha) So hopefully this distance will light a fire under his butt.
If you really love this guy, don’t let that go.
Going into college with a boyfriend is a bit like taking a sandwich to a buffet, silly at first. But if you know you prefer the sandwich, you won’t put it down for anything.
Best of luck!
if you know you have something good, don't let it go. But if you are unsure, college is a great place to find out how you feel and how serious you are about him. If you drop him for every slice of new meat that comes into your life, then you shouldn't be dating him.
soooo am i the only one who's a little sketched out by the age difference here?
This bodes well.
This rule is made to be broken.. Do what you want to do. If you break up with your boyfriend, are you prepared to lose him forever?
Give it careful thought.
On the other hand, if you wish to be free to date others and see if your older boyfriend really IS the one, part ways and see what happens.
Only you can answer your question..
Talk it over with your current boyfriend.
Christy
I really think that if you love him, he loves you, and you feel comfortable with your relationship you should stay with him. I see no reason not to. You are close enough that you can see each other often enough, and yes, college is a time for growing and experiences, but you can still do that with a boyfriend. If it is meant to be then the distance won't matter.
I feel like everywhere I've read it's almost a rule that you have to break up with your boyfriend when you start college .This rule is made to be broken.Do what you want to do.You are close enough that you can see each other often enough, and yes, college is a time for growing and experiences, but you can still do that with a boyfriend.
Metal labels Fabric labels@nepenthium@xanga - What she said.
I went into college single, but after my first semester I started dating the same guy up until last fall so about three-four years. It wasn't hard at all, and it was long distance. I still went out with my friends. That being said, I was really glad I was single my first semester. I did not hook up with a ton of guys, I think only two, and one was a guy who I had been friends with benefits with before I had met my boyfriend.
I think you should definitely try to stay with him. If things don't work out, they don't work out, but in the end you'll feel worse if you don't try at all.
I was in a kind of opposite situation. I started college, and my boyfriend being 3 years younger than me was still in high school. I also had more distance, 3 hours. Everyone was telling me that I should start off college single, meet new guys, bla bla bla, i shouldn't be tied down. But I don't feel tied down. Does it take effort to visit home all the time and everything? Yeah. But it's so incredibly worth it. Don't ever let what the internet, or your friends tell you take away something that could last forever <3
You shouldn't break up with him JUST BECAUSE you're going to college. Especially because you're not far away from each other, that would make no logical sense. That's the equivalent of saying, "I don't want to make any efforts for you," or "I want to see if I could do better somewhere else."
My boyfriend and I began dating as high school freshmen. We are now college freshmen. I have spent the last year or so dreading college, thinking my boyfriend and I would be hours apart (we were both looking into out-of-state schools as well as in-state schools). In the end, we both chose the same college. We were lucky.
I never considered breaking up with him. There was never any reason to. Our relationship has always been very happy and healthy, so distance shouldn't destroy that. And if you're in a loving relationship, why would you end it just because you're going to college? College is about getting an education. It's not about drinking or partying (though that may occur). In any case, you can still drink and party if you have a boyfriend- maybe even together, and it will be more fun! (And more responsible because you can look out for one another.)
If you love him, you should stay together. You say you don't expect to stay together for life- do you want to? If you break up with him now, just for college, then you're just lowering your chances. And if you don't want to marry him, why have you dated for so long?
(This post sounds super judgmental but I promise, I don't mean to be rude. I mean it to be helpful. :) )
That is not a rule. If two people are in love, they don't break up because they decide to continue their education. 20-30 minutes is not far at all. I'm questioning this love if you'd be willing to break up with your boyfriend due to this imaginary rule and are seeking advice from the internet.
if I was a guy, I wouldn't date a girl in college, who doesn't have a job yet or if she does, she's probably on a budget and saving for personal necessity expenses or whatnot. or vice versa speaking as me again
I wouldn't date a guy, who is financially unreliable or dependent. dating a highschooler just doesn't sound appealing me. however, I can see why you'd like an older guy. I wasn't attracted to many of the guys from my high school and also liked a college guy when I was in high school. we didn't have sex or anything, but I liked him for a while. he was two timing me because I was naive and I was naive. I'm not saying your bf will do this but just sayin my experiences, which doesn't mean the majority rule, just reminiscing to my high school days
I bet the college guy was drawn to me because I was a naive schoolgirl. if I was a guy, I'd probably be drawn to me, too
anyway it really depends on your individual maturity if your relationship will overcome the struggles of the college experience as if it is that dramatic.
Don't break up with him just because you're going to college. I went to college with a boyfriend, and we ended up two hours apart. When we did break up (sixteen months later), it had nothing do with the distance or the fact that I was in college and he wasn't. I know several people who've had successful relationships last through 3-4 years of college, including years abroad. If you love him, give it a go. You'll regret it if you give it up without even giving it a shot.
Ever since we started going to college, my boyfriend and I have been living four hours away from one another. It's been over a year now, and we're still going strong. :)
People who live by that rule you mentioned are the ones who believe that a mandatory part of the "college life" consists of hooking up and messing around and experimenting with multiple people, and they want in on it too. Of course, being in a monogamous relationship would keep them from doing just that.
So unless that commercialized "college life" is what you want, there's really no point in breaking up just because you're going to college.
I would generally say, hey, if you want to try staying together, go ahead.
But you did say you don't expect you'll be together forever. In that case, maybe you could try starting out fresh and unattached. It sounds like you have the kind of thing where you could get back together with your current boyfriend a few years down the road if you decide that other people just weren't for you. There definitely is something to be said for trying new things, and dating different people will help you figure out what you truly are looking for in the long run.I don't think you should break up with him just BECAUSE you are going into college - I think you should consider breaking up with him BECAUSE you are going into college, whereas he is already finished with it.
Honestly this time in our lives is all about finding out who we are - no, you don't have to engage in "drunken hook-ups" as everyone seems to remark, but you should definitely engage in school activities, the BBQs with your floor, and all the trivialities that make college so unique. If you are tied to someone who has already put that fun malarkey behind them, you might feel pressured to just spend time with him instead.
As you said, you don't think your relationship with him is permanent, so don't let it marginalize some of the best years of your life.
Why not try? I started college engaged. We did break up my sophomore year though. Looking back, with so many changes and adjusting to college life, I think it was good that I wasn't also man hunting.
@haltija @TheNotoriousGOD
You two are not the only ones. That's all I could pay attention to in this post. A bit worrisome.