This post was submitted by R.
My boyfriend and I have been going out for two years now and have been through a lot.
Recently, we've been fighting almost every week. And every week, he contemplates breaking up with me. Two weeks ago, he said he wanted to break up and I finally gave him up no matter how much it hurt. As I walked in the door, five minutes later, he rang the doorbell and we talked some more. I can't shake the feeling of how much my heart shattered that night and don't know if it's healed even though I took him back. It was the ONE time I let him go, and it was HIS choice to come back.
Why does this happen so often? He's a very social guy whereas I'm a more reserved kind of person. He says that he loved who I was two years ago (freshman in college) and I've changed. But as did he. We've been together our whole college career and he says he's in a "trapped" position where he wants to experience and meet new people, but he doesn't want to lose me. I say this, because I know if we do break up, I won't be able to face him for a good while. He has become my best friend and someone close to my heart.
Recently, he complained saying I didn't allow him to meet new people. I'm naturally a very giving person. So, I let him. He goes out and meets whoever, I trust him. And yet, just today, he texts me saying that he has a burden on his heart. Later in the afternoon, we talk. He says he feels like he can't meet other people because of me. It makes him feel like he's cheating on me. He describes it as a feeling of excitement he gets in meeting new people, which he doesn't get with me anymore.
To me, the choice seems so obvious: I was fine letting him go meet girls or whatever. But after hearing all this, I don't know if I can handle him thinking about breaking up with me this week or the next.
I have always fought for him, but I'm getting tired. I love him dearly, but I don't know how much my heart can handle. He has initiated every "break-up" fight in the past two years. I can't even count how many times. I want to think that the phrase, "You don't know what you have till it's gone" will apply if I do choose to end it, but I don't know if I can handle letting him go.
Right now, we are still together, but there's a lot of tension between us. It's because he's not a very emotional person (that's a different story), and I make him so frustrated, sad, angry, happy, etc.
Any suggestions on my predicament to start off the right foot? Or should I just take the fall and break it off when I don't want it to?
Much needed help,