Tuesday, 23 October 2012
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Is He Looking for Something Serious in the Long Run?
This post was submitted by Natalie.
I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over a month now and he’s told me that he’s starting to develop feelings for me but doesn’t want to rush into a relationship; I totally agreed with him because I hardly know him! So, two weeks ago, we went on what he called our first official “date.” Up until this “date,” I was just going with the flow and having fun just hanging out with him and doing things. But on this date, he decides to surprise me after dinner, and instead of a movie, takes me onto this cliff by the beach and he busts out all this romantic stuff (i.e. wine, candle, etc.).
The mood suddenly changes from a fun/chill “hey we’re at the beach” to this romantic setting and I almost felt like it was happening all too fast. After this date, I really started to acknowledge the fact that maybe I had feelings beyond just friends for him. BUT, here’s the thing.Everything always seems fine and I know what he’s thinking when I’m hanging out with him, but in between when I’m not hanging out with him, I feel like it’s an all “me” effort to hit him up. He has already made it clear to me that he’s never been in a relationship and that he doesn’t like calling people and uses texting as his way of communicating with anyone. So, I’ve been finding myself texting him (not every day), but just every few days or so to say hi, and he responds and it’s fine.
Shouldn’t someone who goes all out for a first date and is telling me he has feelings for me put a little more effort in between the times we see each other to even just say hi or something? He confuses me or maybe I’m over-thinking all of this like 90% of women and am confusing myself.
What do you guys think?
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Comments (14)
I'd say try to relax. You thought he was going a little too fast, now you think he's not going fast enough? Relationships often start a little ambivalent at first, until you can establish what you're both really looking for.
He obviously likes you, you obviously like him; that means you're off to a good start.
You are over-thinking things. Keep going with the flow. So he took you out to a romantic dinner...isn't that what most women want from their boyfriend/potential boyfriend?
I would tell him that hey, I am enjoying my time with you and into the idea of being together... however, you must make more of an effort to be in my life than texts every once in a while. Ya know?!
But he made a cute effort so don't be so hard on the man.@pnrj@xanga - What he said.
Remember, it has only been a month! Give it time to settle in and you two will find your groove.
never chase anyone, anymore than they chase you. For me the romantic dinner surprise would only be a good thing if he was moving the same way in phone calls etc..... otherwise it just seems like a grand jesture to gain something.
Go with the flow. He's said he's not that kind of person so just take him at his word. Not everyone likes texting people.
Well I think it's important to give into each others needs. I remember when I got with my boyfriend he asked what my needs are and what I expect from him. Maybe ask him what he's needs are and state yours. Because something that seems small now, could built into something huge later. Pushing it aside won't work..communication about it is important. :)
@DesireeTheDisciple@xanga - this is really good advice :) tell them your expectations early so that you both know what the other is looking for.
If he says he doesn't like texting, why are you texting him?
@Endrath@xanga - That's what I was thinking, and then I re-read it. She says he doesn't like calling people and uses texting as his means of communication. I read it as "he doesn't like calling and using texting..." at first as well.
@daydreams_nightmares@xanga - Thank you. To mean it's just important to communicate things. And it prevents unwanted or unnecessary suprises. As women we have a tendency of expecting things from men, and never communicating our needs, but men aren't psychics.
@DesireeTheDisciple@xanga - no problem :) yeah, it's something I learned recently too, and I'm finally putting it into practise in my current relationship. It's amazing what a difference it makes!
Communication is the key to all relationships.
Yea, I definitely agree with the comments that say you're over-thinking it. He went all out on your date because he really likes you. Now he could not be communicating with you for 3 reasons; 1. He's just not into texting, give him a call one night & see if that works better, 2. You made it clear you wanted to take it slow and after such a grand gesture, maybe he thinks he came on too strong & wants to play it cool, or 3. He's a guy. He's busy. He has a life outside of his phone, & when you text him he probably kicks himself & goes, "Dammit, I should have texted her first but I totally forgot."
Bottom line, talk to him about it. If you want more communication & he doesn't like text messaging, write him a letter, pick up the phone & call him, etc. Get creative. & don't worry so much! ;]