Monday, 22 October 2012
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I Hope I Die Soon
No, I don't want to commit suicide nor will I jump in front of a bus. I'm not unhappy, simply bored. Life is so repetitive, and no matter what events come my way, I just don't see myself being a content person. Maybe I'm depressed or my mental wellness isn't too great.
Like I said, I don't plan on killing myself. But if I was in some freak accident, and I was laying there on the ground, knowing I was about to die, I would completely accept it.
Is it weird to feel this way?
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- From: SamuraiOpi@xanga
- Name: Mark
- Location: California, United States
- About Me: Hey guys. If you're still reading my Xanga after all these years, then you're probably one of my closer friends. Thank you! The name is Mark Anthony Montes. I'm currently living in Riverside, CA. I'm strange and kind at the same time, and I'll be your best friend if you need me to.
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Comments (129)
dating-related posts ftw.
You and everyone else. You talk about life, yeah, it fucking sucks. Have you ever read David Benatar's book Better Never to Have Been, The Harm of Coming into Existence? If you haven't, I strongly suggest you do. We would have all been better off never being born (interpretation: you fucking breeders are immoral scum for bringing new humans into this world, so fucking stop). Seriously, being brought into this world has caused all the suffering in your life. You'd have never had to endure suffering had you never been born, therefore it is better to never be born at all.
I feel your pain buddy. Life sucks, always has sucked, always will suck, and so called "enjoying life" is just about making life suck less. That said, if you're really into dying in an accident, hit me up. I'll take you flying and intentionally crash the plane, killing both of us instantly. Hey, it wouldn't be you committing suicide as I would have control of the plane. OK, maybe I wouldn't do that, but whatever.
Just know I feel your pain. Life does suck, and every new human being that's subject to this thing called life is harmed by merely being brought into existence.
You should do something that changes the repetitivness of life, and do something that will make you want to live more. Find something that makes you want to explore life for as long as you can :] You only have one, so find all the wonderful things hiding in the nooks and crannies life is hiding and enjoy!
Purpose and passion is what fuels desire for life so go get yourself some fuel and live life to the fullest. Now if you will excuse me, I have to plan a big rock climbing trip to Bishop with some buddies that are flying in from NY. Everyday is a treat and life is a much a finite but remarkable gift.
Life is painful, and people do wrong things and have hurts that need healed.
Human beings are very unique, in that we're aware of how wretched we are, and yet, we feel a longing for something more. We long for healing, meaning, and forgiveness.
It's not at all strange you feel this way. But there is an answer. If my life is anything, it is a testament to Christ's power to change a life around. At least for me--the only meaning I've known has been in him. It goes beyond temporary highs and distractions, and straight to the core of what we're longing for.
Well I guess that's one less thing for you to worry about.
I just bought a plush orangutan. my life just got more adorable
my work is pretty chill and I look forward to see all the sexy men there
well, not many are sexy actually, but I've managed to find about a dozen that I like. I have one main crush and the rest aren't as intense. if I had intense crushes on all of them, I'd reverse the universe inside out and the stars will collide and kill us all!!!! not that anybody would care
one of my few crushes casually touched my arm the other day
it doesn't seem like anything, but when you have a crush on someone and they touch you unexpectedly, it is like an electric shock
I so wanted to hug him
I would let him hug me as long and as close as he wants to
I won't revolt
Oh, as a follow-up, here are some of my favorite quotes from the book I referenced:
“Each one of us was harmed by being brought into existence. That harm is not negligible, because the quality of even the best lives is very bad—and considerably worse than most people recognize it to be. Although it is obviously too late to prevent our own existence, it is not too late to prevent the existence of future possible people.”
“It is unlikely that many people will take to heart the conclusion that coming into existence is always a harm. It is even less likely that many people will stop having children. By contrast, it is quite likely that my views either will be ignored or will be dismissed. As this response will account for a great deal of suffering between now and the demise of humanity, it cannot plausibly be thought of as philanthropic. That is not to say that it is motivated by any malice towards humans, but it does result from a self-deceptive indifference to the harm of coming into existence.”
“As we have seen, nobody is lucky enough not to be born, everybody is unlucky enough to have been born – and particularly bad luck it is.”
“We infrequently contemplate the harms that await any new-born child—pain, disappointment, anxiety, grief, and death. For any given child we cannot predict what form these harms will take or how severe they will be, but we can be sure that at least some of them will occur. None of this befalls the nonexistent. Only existers suffer harm.”
Convinced yet? I've been dwelling on this post and you know, I don't know how much more of this thing called "life" I can take myself. I always figured I'd go until age 65, mandatory retirement age for airline/corporate/etc. pilots. Now, I don't think I'll even have any desire to go on that long. At this point, I'm thinking once Zephyrus passes on from this world and I no longer have any animals that depend on me for their health and well-being, so will I. By that time I'll be in my mid to late 30s, I'll have done all the things I want to do in life, and I'll have nothing more to live for.
i completely agree with you, I want to die also....pointless is our existence
you force me to tell you the very thing which it would be most
profitable for you not to hear? The very best thing is utterly beyond
your reach: not to have been born, not to be, to be nothing. However,
the second best thing for you is: to die soon.Aristotle, Eudemos
step one: LEAVE RIVERSIDE
@defect__x@xanga - Awesome quote.
well..sucks to be you then doesn't it?
Ive found you get out of life what you put into it. Have a bad/negative attitude, and thats what you'll get.
Change your attitude and you might find some joy in life.
Shouldn't this be on Healthkicker? When I was in my early 20s I had to be constantly stimulated and doing things or I became bored. However, I didn't want to die. I wanted to have more interesting experiences than the ones I was having.
That's okay and it's normal. Our society condemns this feeling because we live in a world of over-dramatizations of everything, this includes our propensity to pathologize normal human ailments, including suicide ideation and apathy. It's stigmatic to show anything but mind-spinning ambition, extroversion, and excessive happiness. While happiness and self-fulfillment should be our goal, it should not be expected. You get what you give, my friend. Good luck, I hope you find meaning in something.
I find being able to see your fb weird...
Life is repetitive, not just yours but the whole cycle. It's kind of gross that we keep it going, bringing more people in when there really is only a limited amount of joy to share...
Should you try to value the time you have, you are here, so you may as well, right?Don't wait for "events to come your way" go out n get some, chase whatever you want.
Live dangerously so you get the adrenalin near death risk buzz!
There is a hell of a lot to do, be and see, rather than just wishing your time away either sort it out and take yourself off the earth - give a little oxygen to those who appreciate it or go have fun. x make the most of the situation or change it x
Go on an adventure. The best part of life is not knowing what's coming next. If your life is repetitive, and you know what's coming next, it will never get better. Shake things up, don't just sit there bored. Keep trying until you find something worth doing. But I would have to agree. Leave Riverside. Do something that's going to change your life. It's the best thing you could ever do.
Overall happiness and psychological well-being is most strongly predicted by one's personality. So it's not that your life actually sucks unless you're being traumatized every few months or so by rape, starvation, new physical disabilities, etc., it's just that you have a *different* way of looking at it. If you're not going to kill yourself, might as well pick up a few books or talk to a few people to learn how to better enjoy the rest of your life. Seriously.
@secretbeerreporter@xanga -
All y'all negative nancies just need to shut up about how none of us should have ever lived. Some of us choose to enjoy the life that's given to us, you know. If you choose to make a miserable mess of your perspective on life and don't want to improve that because you're too "deep" for happiness, then go ahead by all means. You don't need to try to spread your misery like a disease to the "ignorant" masses.
@LightBlue21@xanga - Except for that happiness is a complete and total delusion. Yes, even your life is very, very bad even though you're too delusional to realize it. Alas, I guess as they say ignorance is bliss, right? Just so long as you don't subject any new human beings to this sucky thing called life (read: don't you dare bring little crotch droppings into this world) you can be as delusional as you want, I suppose.
It's not a matter of not improving on the situation. It's a matter of living in reality and realizing that life can't be improved. I've changed careers three times, moved to a totally different country, changed my social circle, hobbies, interests, everything: NOTHING has helped. The fact of the matter is that nothing can be done within any of our powers to improve our own lives. Unfortunately, those of us enlightened people realize that to our own detriment. Must be nice to be so damn ignorant.
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - Yeah, yeah, no need to project your misery onto other people. Just because you choose to view negatively what others view positively doesn't mean one person's more right than the other. I'm happy if I have all the basic necessities, if I make other people around me happy, and if I die having helped the world or at least some people living on it. Might as well make the best of what we've got with what little time we all have, eh?
Or not in your case. Whatevs.
@LightBlue21@xanga - Like I said, enjoy being delusional. I'll stand by my original statement and add this one: the sooner the human race goes extinct, the better. That's the only way to completely end human suffering.
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - Lol k. Enjoy continuing to make statements with no back up then, little lady! :O I was about to say something to the effect of "The world's population would be overall happier with a few less," but then I realized that the grumpy people make it kind of fun and interesting, too. :)
If you are that bored, maybe stop by the top 20 list on the Xanga main page and make a few comments and try and make a few new friends.
@LightBlue21@xanga - OK, fine, you want me to back up my statements, it's simple logic. Following the argument that Professor Benatar outlined in the book I referenced, here are two parallel arguments for both statements I made:
1) Suffering is bad
2) Being born is the root cause of all of an individual's suffering, for they would never have endured said suffering had they never been born.
3) All individuals suffer at some point in their lives, therefore
4) Being born is bad, and thus
5) It would have been better never to have been born.
As for my vocal opposition against breeding and in favor of antinatalism, consider this:
6) Causing suffering to a sentient being is morally wrong.
7) Being born is the root cause of all of an individual's suffering
8) The act of procreation/reproduction is to cause an individual to be born, therefore
9) The act of procreation is morally wrong.
What's the natural end result of non-procreation? It's eventual extinction, so it would naturally follow that human extinction is the only way to completely eliminate human suffering. It's simple logic, really. If you want to know more, just read the book. It'll enlighten you in ways you hoped it never would.
PS: I'm not a little lady. Last time I checked I had a dick and balls between my legs.
Nope; I'm sure women make you feel this way, correct?