After spending countless hours trying to analyze, be understanding, and come up with every scenario in my head, there's no way around it...it actually happened; I got stood up.
Most of my frustration comes not from the fact that I got stood up itself, but rather the fact that
I don't know the reasoning behind it, and I probably never will. Since you the reader weren't there, let me fill you in on what happened.
I had met this person before, and over the past few months we hung out 5 or 6 times. I for certain crossed off any prospects with this person, and accepted the fact I wouldn't see him again as his schedule had "gotten increasingly busy," etc. That's a nice way to tell someone you're no longer interested in them anymore I guess. Not that there IS a nice way to do so, but that would probably be a less impact route.
So when he contacted me recently and
told me how he broke his arm, I kind of felt bad for not keeping contact with him since that could have contributed to his absence. Ultimately, allowing that to influence my thinking was probably a bigger mistake because when he reached out to me, my guard was down thinking it was a harmless attempt to reconnect.
I don't hold grudges and as an easy-going person, I feel it can be good to give someone a second chance, especially when they are reaching out to you. I had Spring Break this past week, so it wasn't like I was changing my schedule around, I had free time, he was available, so when he asked to meet up I was perfectly okay with the idea. I had errands to run, trying to be as productive as possible with my day, and thought I would get a quick haircut before I saw him.
I got a text message from him saying that he was running late because he was at a follow-up appointment to make sure everything was okay with his arm and he was waiting for his doctor. He had missed his actual time and was on standby, since there were 4 people ahead of him. I didn't see anything wrong with it and told him that it was no big deal if he's an hour late or so and to let me know when he's done so we can decide what we want to do.
Every half hour or so he kept me updated as to the waiting room status, and when he finally saw his doctor (three hours later mind you),
he decides to text me, “I'm going to have to reschedule, I have to go back to work to pick up my laptop since I have a business trip tomorrow, and by the way I got a promotion.” Okay so the fact that you got a promotion is relevant to you canceling on me, being unapologetic about it, not to mention nonchalant about the whole thing, how? Why would you make me wait four more hours to then in turn cancel instead of doing so originally? I would have respected him more had he said off the bat, “I'm running late and I don't think I will be free anytime soon. I'm sorry but can we reschedule?"
Half of my day was wasted for something that I didn't even initiate in the first place.
Ultimately what I realized is this: if he is careless enough to miss an opportunity to be with me, then why should I want someone like that in my life in the first place?
And if you were wondering, I texted him back saying it wasn't a big deal, and that I didn't get why he made me wait and cancel, rather than letting me know right away especially when he had to take care of something at work. I said I wish him well, and congrats with the job opportunity, but that he got his second chance from me.
I haven't heard back from him since.
Have you ever been stood up before for seemingly no real reason? How did you react?
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Comments (13)
Sounds like you did the right thing. And I think it's good you let him know you didn't like what he was doing. Maybe that will make him think more about his actions.
Yay for speaking up for yourself!
I got stood up once. He texted me saying he wouldn't be able to make it when I was already there waiting! But we ended up dating for 9 months anyway. Great guy. Mistakes happen.@EccentricSiren@xanga - I agree. I think it may make him think of what he does/says to the next girl, if he was actually interested in you. Then again, if he WAS interested enough he may have tried to apologize and explain himself a bit more, imo.
He could've said "Wow, I was so inconsiderate. That was horrible of me. Please, let me make it up to you." And if you wanted to, you could've accepted and tried again. If you didn't, he would've known it was on him for keeping you waiting when you had concrete plans anyways. Better luck with the next person you come across though.
he drove the car with an almost healed broken arm that he was going to the doctor to see if everything is okay at a follow up appointment that he missed. maybe he took a few hours to drive there at 5mph because of his flimsy arm
I would've left after an hour and told him that I gotta go and I have a date with a guy, who got a promotion many years ago and is already an arrogant diva
let him know that, I'm "busier" than you
being chill about it is nice but some people might take advantage of that. I'd personally be considerate to those, who are considerate, too, and stick it back to them if they are being jerks.
Yup. I stopped talking to him and moved on with my life.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much texting. Call the guy and talk to him. Find out his side of the story. I'm not against you, I just think there has to be more than what has been presented.
I haven't been stood up. But I'd say calling the guy and talking on the phone might have shed more light on the situation instead of texting. Kinda sounds like he was just being really inconsiderate though.
I don't really consider that being stood up, if I believe everything he says, it sounds like he was just caught up in errands - it happens. If he wasn't interested, why would he bother trying to initiate something in the first place? It doesn't make any sense. It seems like he got caught up with things to do, and you decided to wait around for him and got disappointed when he never ended up being free.
I do think he should have been more apologetic - it's unfair to make plans on someone and cancel, but I assume he just thought it wasn't his fault he had all those so he had nothing to apologise for. Seems more communication on both halves could have saved it, but at least you voiced your opinion :)
Actually, getting stood up would have been if he had not contacted or responded to you at all.
This is him flaking out.
Not that that makes him any more considerate. But I thought the distinction deserved mentioning.
How do I think two people have the wrong?
hangtags hang tags
That doesn't really sound like being stood up to me. But okay. I'm sure that he knew ahead of time that it was going to take four hours longer than he intended. Gah, how rude, to text you every half hour to let you know what was going on. What a dick. Forgetting something at work... he must be a huge asshole. Trying to squeeze you in between a doctor's appointment and a business trip, how dare he.
I guess you're right about one thing... his promotion won't be relevant to you.@EccentricSiren@xanga - Thanks, I hope so for his own sake!
@ShirleyD@xanga - Yes its good to stand up for oneself =). Mistakes do happen, I agree though this was nothing worth salvaging from my part.
@xcrownedhopeless - I agree with you completely! He could have went about the whole situation more maturely and in a nicer fashion than so abruptly. Thanks, lets hope so!
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - Lol he had broken it months prior and it had already healed- it was just a follow up appointment. He would never drive 5 mph even if it was actually broken! lol Yeah people do take advantage of being chill, unfortunately.
@nepenthium@xanga - Good for you girl! I did the same as well =)
@Gaia - Possibly, but it would have been more courteous had he called. And believe me, if I called I would have had some choice words leak out in that moment! lol
@firetyger@xanga - Yeah he was inconsiderate, and I feel like him calling would have been more genuine than just changing plans via text.
@daydreams_nightmares@xanga - It wasn't the first time he had done this, as I mentioned it was me giving him a second chance, so I think that's why I was completely over it at that point. He definitely should have been more apologetic- didn't even say sorry at all!
@MysticEdge@xanga - Flaking out/Stood Up I don't like either one! lol
@Ansel - I don't understand what you mean?
you acted way better than how i would have! i'd have been pissed!