Friday, 19 October 2012
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She Comes First
This post was submitted anonymously.
I have been in a long-distance relationship for over two years. I see him very often and we always have a great time together. Sex has always been very good for me; he has always cared for my pleasure and done everything to make sure that I ALWAYS come (in the foreplay AND in the act itself). But when it’s about him, it is so hard to make him come. I mean, sometimes he lasts so long, that he gets tired and stops.
I usually try to help him finish with a hand job or a blow job, but even then he doesn’t always come. It is very frustrating because I enjoy sex very much thanks to him and I want him to enjoy it too, so I worry. I ask him what am I doing wrong, but he says not to worry, that it is the condom’s fault that it’s very uncomfortable, or that he worries too much that it would break so he doesn’t focus. He says that it's not my fault, he finds me very hot, I'm the girl of his dreams, that I turn him on all the time, etc.
He says that he is satisfied, because sometimes he actually does come during sex. He also says that he is happy making me happy. That's very sweet of him, but I am still worried, especially because now it is getting worse.
He used to come inside me, let’s say at least 80% of the time, but now he can’t! I come multiple times while he struggles to come at least once. I try blow and hand jobs but that won’t work anymore. He just won’t come! I tried to talk about it with him and he says that it is nothing, it's in his head, and when he starts thinking that it’s taking him so long to come, he just loses it. It’s a vicious circle and he won’t accept that there is a problem.
I worry about him, because for me every encounter is sensational!I don’t know what to do. Is it a serious situation? Has this happened to you before?
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Comments (32)
DUMP HIM AND MOVE ON!
In all seriousness, yeah I've had something like that happen before from his perspective. If he says he's satisfied take his word for it. If making you happy makes him happy, I see nothing wrong there.
i wouldn't be surprised if it's cause he's jacking off too much. hands are a *lot* more vigorous than a vajayjay will ever be, unless you can like...kegelcise more than he can bench.
also, if he's drunk every time he's hitting you, whiskey dick is kind of a problem. sometimes i try to beat off when i'm drunk (and didn't bring a girl home), but if it's taking too long, i just give up and go to sleep.
i suppose lasting long isn't exactly the worst problem you could have, if i may say so myself.
Dude, if a woman had trouble orgasming would there even be a post? It certainly wouldn't be considered weird.
If he says he's satisfied then he probably is. If he weren't he would be screwing you or making the long distance effort. I am in your situation, I come way more often than my boyfriend does. WAY more often. It's a little weird because of our culture, but I've never doubted him for it. I've never doubted his satisfaction.
Is he on any medication? He says it's in his head, so I'm guessing it's because he won't relax.
Actually I have been on the trouble cumming end of this, and honestly mine is from medicine. It makes me feel worse when she makes a big deal out of it. Of course she gets mad thinking I don't find her attractive enough (as far from the truth as possible) and she has been known to push me off because it "isn't working" for her (she is a very selfish lover). Some of us men are just givers and it probably has nothing to do with what you are doing or how you look.
I think that it is great you have a satisfactory sexual relationship, and generous enough to make sure he is satisfied, too. If he says he's good, maybe you should take his word for it. Especially considering your circumstance that you're in a long distance relationship, you both are still willing to make an effort. I would consider it more of a problem if he can't keep it up long enough for you to get some action. Just as The Notorious God had mentioned, there could be some reasons as to why he doesn't "finish." Maybe he has something on his mind that is preventing it from happening, or the fact that you point out it that he didn't come, he feels pressured and can't. Or maybe you can try a different type of condom--they're not all the same. Obviously, you're not racing for the finish line, or trying to make a baby, so I would suggest to try to keep this as fun (moodwise. accessories and such, that is up to you.) as possible and not worry to much over the fact whether he came or not. So, in the meantime, enjoy the orgasms and continue offering to help, but drop the subject if he says he's satisfied.
I think that he has so much stress on making you happy that he just can't. Tell him to relax more.
Don't worry about it. If he says he is happy then trust him. Enjoy being with him. If this is the biggest issue in your relationship, consider yourself lucky.
It's good that you want to help him finish, but orgasms aren't necessary for a satisfactory sex life.
If he's okay with having sex with you and not finishing, then it's not a problem.
Maybe the condom is limiting the pleasure > Go off condoms and on the pill if you guys are committed and monogamous and STD free.
Maybe he's too tense or something in his life is bothering him > Go to sex therapy.
Maybe he's too focused on you to focus on himself > Make him the priority instead of you next time.
Don't bring it up. If he wanted to talk about it, he would. Let him ride the ride whatever way he wants, and let him figure out his own way. Blathering about it will make him feel worse, and stick a fork in it if he sees this post.
Been there. Done that. My own insecurities made everything so much worse. Then he felt bad and I felt bad and it's just not a pretty situation.
Oddly enough, although you're coming from a good place, you are pressuring him and that can backfire badly.
Personally, I can have sex and be completely satisfied without having had an orgasm, and playing is much more fun when it's just that - playing. Just enjoy one another and don't worry about the finish line.
Me & my husband have a relationship similar to this, except he's you & I'm you're guy, I guess. Awkward. But yeah. From the other person's point of view, try not to make a big deal out of it. If he truly has a problem with it, like I do, it's not helping matters to know that our SO is worried over it as well.
In my case, it's not my husband's fault. He does his best. However, for whatever reason, I simply have never come. I try to encourage him by letting him know it's not about the coming experience for me... It's about spending time with him & knowing that he's doing his best for me. You know?
Sounds also, though, like he may be having some kind of issues going on inside. And as awkward as it may seem, you're probably not the person he'd feel best talking to about it, being a guy. Wish I had someone to suggest, but I don't know of anyone right now. So, sorry I can't help him.
But, simply let him know you enjoy his work. Don't harp on him about coming. That just keeps him thinking about how he's letting you down by not coming if he's at all like me, which makes it even more difficult to get to the point of coming... So, yeah. simply let things happen naturally, so to speak. Ask him for feedback on occasion, for him to let you know what he likes and doesn't like. Meet his needs. :)
Best wishes, hun,
~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
@VampireOfSeduction@xanga - I can totally relate, I think. It just makes it even more awkward and more of a let down, you know? I still have yet to ever come, I guess... But yeah. Hopefully one day. n_n If you have any tips, let me know! Thanks a ton.
@akarui_mitsukai@xanga - You're not alone. 6.5 years and I never have either.
If it's in his head then maybe try some couples therapy to talk things out. If nothing else, buy him some ky and maybe that will increase his sensation.
Good Luck
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - "hands are a *lot* more vigorous than a vajayjay will ever be, unless you can like...kegelcise more than he can bench."
The image I just had... priceless. I shall draw this at some point. Somebody fetch me a pencil!
the word, come/cum, is not sexy and if a guy was saying that to me---telling me to "come," I'd probably lose my mood. if I was a guy and my gf told me to "come" or asked when I was going to "come" or if I "came" yet, I'd lose my mood. maybe using other more expressive words like squirt or explode for me! would heighten the mood blast your load! BURST IT HARD BABY!
he has anxiety or his testes needs to reload the juice.
I think if you keep bringing it up, he's just going to worry and worry and it will make it even harder (ha!) for him. If he says he's happy, leave him be. It seems to be bothering you WAY more than it bothers him.
@SuicidalKittenNuggets@xanga - not an original! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7c6Vrnf99Ac
He's probably masturbating.
you're not making it any better by making him feel like shit for not ejaculating. you're putting more stress on him to come.
he may be fapping too much
have anxiety problemsmedicationstressjust go with the flow and make him feel extra special. And use those extra thin condoms instead or something.
He's probably masturbating too much. That was how it was with my ex, haha. (And I know it's that and not something else because we're still friends :3)
And being told to come and you worrying about the state of his dick can be a mood ruiner for him. How about you go online and look up some legit ways to make him come and the next time you have sex, make it all about him?
i have a friend thats going through this, its possible, just like how girls dont orgasm, doesnt mean we dont enjoy it.. he probably does enjoy it.. but it could just BE HIM. like something may be WRONG WITH HIM. that he should get checked out.. instead of you freaking out.
If he's recently come, he may not be able to do it for you...Doesn't mean that it's not good sex, just means that he needs time to reload.
Christy