Thursday, 18 October 2012
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Social Networking: The New Deal Breaker?
I am currently involved with a man who is constantly on Instagram and Facebook. I, on the other hand, am not. We've had conversations and I'll see a post on his Facebook about that same topic we were just discussing. I've gotten Facebook and Instagram comments before he replies to my text. If he wants to show me a YouTube video, he'll post it on my Facebook before he actually texts me the link.
His friends don't help my situation at all since they are constantly on Facebook as well. They have group chats on their iPhones but if some event or joke happened between them, one of them will post a video or picture on Facebook and tag the people that were there.I'm very ambivalent with Facebook. I like to catch up on people's lives and whatnot, but Facebook is all for show. People have made it their priority to update their Facebook with every thought and picture, like the guy that I'm seeing. Everywhere we go, he must take a picture to post on his Facebook or Instagram at that very moment. It cannot wait. Then he'll check his phone as soon as it vibrates notifying him that someone liked his picture.
I've mentioned my concerns but it's still the same. What really threw me off the roof was that he told me to get used to it after I told him to get off the phone. Alcohol did not help our situation either. He replies that he likes his electronics and as a video game creator, they'll always be in his life.
Should I suck it up? I really like this guy but if I decide to get into a relationship with him, I would have to tell him what he can and cannot post on Facebook.
I'm beginning to think Facebook, Instagram or any social networking for that matter, has become a deal breaker for me.
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- From: prettyinprinciple@xanga
- About Me: Nothing special here.
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Comments (55)
Whining about things a guy does while continuing to date him has become a deal breaker for me.
And people online talk shit about me not dating because I can't get a girlfriend... pfffff. Why the hell would I want to date girls who delude themselves into believing they are so strong and independent but can't go any significant length of time being single... only to complain about whoever they're with when they're not single? Spoiled ass generation.
Appreciation: You don't NEED a boyfriend. If you do, act like it.
Such an easy bluff to call.
I think that if you are on a *date* or if you are having a very in depth conversation, that these things should wait. He shouldn't be checking his phone every 5 minutes if you are on a date. If you are hanging out, its a different story. You can't expect a man who spends all of his time with you to put the rest of his life on hold.
Electronics are his life...you have to understand that. Think about what you said...he posts links on your Facebook page before texting them to you. With my friends, we usually share links *in person*. Imagine how someone like me might feel if you were always texting me links, instead of waiting until we saw each other to enjoy them together?
I think you either need to get over it, or get a new significant other.
this is why i am dating increasingly older and older girls. chicks in their 30s don't do this. and, as much as i want to chase 18 yos, i don't have the patience to deal with a fb addict.
and, as dirty as it makes me feel, i have to partially agree with zion, at least his first statement.
Yes, you should suck it up.
You told him how you felt (that you didn't like the constant networking) and he told you how he felt too (that he didn't care). I understand it may not be a little annoying, especially since you aren't using social media as much as he is, but I really don't think it's that big of a deal. Not to mention if you do decide to get into a relationship with him or any other guy, I can guarantee you there will be things he does much worse than this that annoy you.
My suggestion: Meet him halfway. Like you said if you were going to be in a relationship with this guy you would speak up. However, telling him what he "can" and "cannot" post are not fair. He has the free will to do whatever it is he chooses, just like you and there's really no reason you should say it quite like that. Explain your feelings to him and maybe he will start texting or sharing things with you before facebook, but you can't control him either.
I use Facebook a lot, but when on a date, I don't take out my phone at all (unless I'm checking the time). But, you also have to consider that there might be some things you would do that might irk him a little bit. He might just decide it's not much of a big deal and either learned to deal with it or begin doing it himself.
I have read an interesting article before where the writer explained that Facebook has become the new "number" to get. Where it used to be getting a number to call or text, Facebook is now the place to find people and share things with them. Like a text, a wall post is there and will be there until your delete; the only different is that it's public. Know people who say, "Find me on Facebook?"
You'll just have to assess your annoyance with it and see if it's something you truly cannot deal with. I mean, maybe it's not Facebook itself, but instead his habit of constantly diverting his attention span elsewhere every few seconds to a few minutes. If it's not Facebook, it might just be people passing by on the street or an object you guys passed on your walk home.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga -
"and, as dirty as it makes me feel, i have to partially agree with zion, at least his first statement."
Careful now. Keep agreeing with me and eventually I'll have your soul as black as the inside of a coffin on a moonless night.
http://youtu.be/IFZ07fb2j1A
And no, the link isn't random. "...as black as the inside of a coffin on a moonless night." is a quote from Beverly Hills Ninja (Haru, describing the color of his belt).
Get use to it or get over him. Sounds like to him it is a deal breaker. He told you where he stands. If you can't agree to that, then you need to find someone who is a less online chatter.
You subject yourselves to working shitty jobs and defend that all the way, saying you have to work but when it comes to boyfriends, if there is even the slightest thing you disapprove of, you're
http://youtu.be/WM1RChZk1EU
without a break and without fail.
"When we die the money we can’t keep
But we probably spend it all cause the pain ain’t cheap, preach"
http://youtu.be/LqMp9irMU70
*shakes head in disapproval*
Treating people like they're totally replaceable... (yes, I'm linking to YouTube excessively in protest to this article).
"Whose bias do y'all seek?"
This post makes it pretty clear you seek the bias of the majority when you should be seeking your boyfriend's.
But to say social media is a dealbreaker is weordnto me, since that rules out almost everyone of your generation.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - just so you're aware, i'm pretty sure no one here ever clicks on your youtube links.
so i mean like, if you feel like saving yourself the trouble of finding those videos, you can probably go ahead and do that, and no one will know the difference.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - "so i mean like, if you feel like saving yourself the trouble of finding those videos, you can probably go ahead and do that, and no one will know the difference."
Nah. Besides, why would you put the effort into telling me this unless:
A) The YouTube links bother you (in which case I should probably link them more often)?
or
B) You're a lazy ass and you should click them because you might learn something (in which case I should probably link them more often)?
So I mean like, if you feel like saving yourself the trouble of trying to insult me, first consider the fact that: http://youtu.be/PAqxWa9Rbe0
Project much?
"just so you're aware, i'm pretty sure no one..."
I love how you take it upon yourself to speak for "no one". I'm sure you have tons of experience for that position.
You two have very different ideas when it comes to social networking. I think you two need to have an adult discussion about what the role social networks have in your relationships and you especially need to tell him how you feel. If you can reach an agreement that works for the both of you, your relationship can survive. If he's not willing to budge, dump him and find someone who fits your ideals.
@Gaia - "You two have very different ideas when it comes to social networking."
"If he's not willing to budge, dump him and find someone who fits your ideals."
http://youtu.be/Xr6LkOU6oT4
Yeah, posting her relationship issues on Datingish (a social networking site)... vastly different ideals.
it's so rude to check your fb or instagram or what ever social network while you're on a date. it's rude to pull out the phone at all. if you think it's a deal breaker then it is. you can't really say to him what he can or cannot post up, he'll just say you're crazy or too uptight about things. make the best judgment.
Try joining into the Facebook conversations. If you don't fit in with his friends then you shouldn't enter into a relationship with him, because you're going to spend half of your relationship hanging out with him and his friends.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - hahaha *win*
Why is someone as sexy as you dating a dork like him?
Yeah...I think you should suck it up. BUT...if you can't...if it bothers you SO MUCH that you just cannot get past it...then you probably should look elsewhere for a partner, because he obviously isn't willing to stop socializing on these social network sites or even tone it down. If this is a deal breaker for you, then that's just how it is. Sometimes there are things that just irk a person to no end and there's not much you can do about that. Find someone who isn't so addicted to social networking sites instead.
I have facebook but I haven't checked it in so long that I forgot the pw. I don't have instagram. I don't have that much spare time to read all of the facebook updates. don't those people have full time jobs
or the majority of them are either teens, unemployed, or slacking off at work to check their updates or update constantly. I noticed some of my coworkers checking their phones. they're not suppose to during work but do it anyway. even the higher authority people check their phones, so they'd be a hypocrite to tell others that they can't, although they can make themselves the exception and punish others that do it. oh well. I don't even have time to finish my things at work. I think they aren't giving these people enough assignments to do, who have time to check their social networks. anyway, my guy is obsessed with his site. he has like 99k more "friends" on there than me. I guess he's a online superstar on there
he thinks he's the male kardashian. rofl his site is humorous. he still has time to talk to me for hours each day, so he can do whatever he wants in the mean time. if they neglect their s.o. and others, then it becomes a problem. he still makes a lot of money, so he's apparently still productive at work while updating and checking his site. he multi-tasks very well.
@xinq@xanga - Hardyharhar *subjective*
No matter how many idiots are in agreement it still isn't a "win".
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I'll admit Zion's first statement is right. I didn't even realize I was complaining. But in this situation, age does not matter cause he's 28.
@lttlegel@lovelyish - "Not to mention if you do decide to get into a relationship with him or any other guy, I can guarantee you there will be things he does much worse than this that annoy you" completely agree.. thank you
@laytexduckie@xanga - i should've known from when he asked for my Facebook lol
@ichifangirl@xanga - i can tell you this much, i've thought about this for awhile but I realized the pros to our relationship is higher than the networking
Social networking is fine for me to a point. I admit I use Facebook a lot but if I'm out on a date or with friends I ignore it. My only deal-breakers are a) they don't post every detail of our relationship (arguments etc) online and b) that when we're out together, they don't constantly check Facebook/Twitter.
Talk to him about it. Tell him what is acceptable to post and what shouldn't be posted. If he can't cut back then leave.
lol Just like every girl is a photographer, every guy is a video game creator.
Sorry for being a bitch(honestly, I am) but he sounds embarrassing. Break up with him if it bothers you, maybe when five more women break up with him over it he'll get the hint :)
@TheMagicGnome@xanga - "Break up with him if it bothers you, maybe when five more women break up with him over it he'll get the hint"
"No matter how many idiots are in agreement it still isn't a "win"."