I have applied for an awesome internship that would potentially take me anywhere in the U.S that I want to go for two years. Right now, I'm in a great relationship. We've been together a year and a half. He's 6 years older than me. At the moment, he's finishing up a degree in music education. He graduates in December. I asked him if I got the internship and moved across the country if he would come with me, and he replied that he was not sure because his degree would be useless in another state; he'd have to be re-certified.
He also has a potential opportunity to go to another state, but his plans are less concrete than mine, and he's not particularly striving in any direction to achieve any kind of action.
I'm very motivated, but I'm also very content in my relationship. We're past the honeymoon phase, and I'd go as far to say that we're stuck in a routine and we're comfortable and I'm fine with it. We have very opposite schedules, and even though we are in the same town I only see him once a week or so. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him, but I'm not so sure he feels the same way. I'm not asking for that much.
I don't want to get married anytime soon, but I'd like to think that we could be together in the same state as our relationship matures. I have been in a committed long-distance relationship before and it didn't work. I don't want to do that again. I feel like I would follow him anywhere, and that's pathetic.
How do you choose between following your ambitions and the one that you love?
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i mean like...i can't believe that it would be *that* hard to recertify in a different state, especially in a bullshit discipline like music education.
for what it's worth, my aunt left california to be with her then-boyfriend in new york for his residency/fellowship, and when he finished, they returned to california, so i mean...anything's possible. the difference is that they are both SUPER type a, ambitious go-getters--they both went to ivy league schools for grad/med school, and her (now) husband was valedictorian of his med school class. whereas you haven't painted your boyfriend as the most motivated of individuals. probably makes a little difference.
one more thought, something that i told my colleague about a year ago when he tried to convince me to fuck some of the chicks at work (lol) -- girls (guys) are a dime a dozen, but a job is not. choose wisely.
Let me give you this piece of advice, what you need to worry about is yourself and your career. There will ALWAYS be another guy out there (even if you don't want to think so right now), amazing job opportunities only come once in a lifetime.
Hmmm... for his music education degree, where would he be certified? only in the state that you both are currently living in, or are there other states as well. I feel like there's a good deal of research that you both can do here so that you both know what your options are, so that you both can still be together and you both can strive to do what you studied for / trained for / etc.
No matter what, look into all of the options available before resorting to love vs ambition.
How expensive is this recertification? Is this guy really as interested in being with you as you are him? How feasible is it to move so far away together? Sounds like there's alot of financial factors here and if he hasn't already thought of and researched some of this, I'd wonder how serious he is about your relationship. It sounds like you're already wondering too. I'd talk to him about it just one more time and if he still isn't serious about putting in the time to find out some info about seriously considering it, take it as a loss and chase your dreams. You'll find a guy along the way who wants to be with you. I moved from Kentucky to Georgia to be with my SO who had a more stable job than I did and it's paid off, and that was only into a 3 month relationship (we were friends for years, but still)
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - "girls (guys) are a dime a dozen, but a job is not. choose wisely."
Mhm.
You've been in your relationship a year and a half. That's a notable amount of time, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not THAT long. If you only see him once a week, I'm guessing you haven't tried living with him yet. It's possible that you'll stay together if you become long-distance for two years. It's also possible that you'll break up if you stay in the state for him.
I might be a romantic, but I'm also an ambitious bitch. If I had a wonderful internship that would allow me to go wherever I wanted for two years AND would jump-start my chosen career path, I'd almost definitely take it. If I left a partner behind to do so, I'd do my best to make it work - Skype, phone calls, and trips - but I'd go.
The internship is a finite amount of time. What's the likelihood you'll end up with a job that keeps you in that location (since you can go anywhere)? Would it be doable for you to move back after those two years? It seems like long distance relationships do better when there's an end date in mind.
You did long distance before and it didn't work... but all relationships are different. Maybe this one will work, maybe it won't. But that's true if you stay, too.
Lastly... you applied for it, but have you gotten accepted yet? This is all a moot point if you don't get it. It might be best for your stress levels to wait until you get a response before worrying about what you're going to do as a result of it.
Edited to add: Is it possible you could take the internship and stay in your state? If so, you might be able to get some of the job experience/resume padding, keep your relationship local, and do so without asking him to follow you. I think I'd go elsewhere anyways - I like having the experiences different parts of the country/world provide - but it might be a good compromise if you're very committed to the relationship and he won't budge on it.
A lot of teacher certifications are reciprocal in other states. There's a handful that aren't usually accepted elsewhere (like NJ). Even then it's easy to get certified elsewhere.
And if he were to follow you elsewhere, he doesn't need the perfect job there if you plan on moving back after the internship is done. Does he? I mean, I'm not suggesting he just follow you like a puppy dog. But he doesn't need to stress out over finding a job he wants for the rest of his life. He could be a sub in a handful of districts at once, teach privately out of his home or for a studio, I used to be a music ed major. Maybe he could end up in a state where music educators are really needed! (Music ed jobs are hard to come by in a lot of areas)
The bottom line is if you want to make a life with him in the near future you have to start the conversation to make it happen. Ask him where he sees things going, what he wants. If you don't talk about it things won't happen!
Honestly, I've been caught up in a similar dilemma and honestly, if you choose your career and it went sour, you would've built up enough cushion to break your fall. However, if you choose your love life and later on it when sour, you have nothing to fall back on.
I know that at the moment your relationship seems or feels like the best choice, but it isn't. As you mentioned in your post, you're not planning to get married anytime soon, so focus all your attention on your career/education. When I was younger, I chose love over everything else. Then when it went sour, I was left all alone-I was abandoned by the world around me...
So chose wisely..
In this fucking economy? Are you insane? Your education and career management is your top priority right now. For an example, my brother and his girlfriend have been together for almost three years. This past summer, she started her two year master's program in Baltimore. My brother lives in Michigan... So yeah. You think they see a lot of each other? Nope, just holidays for the most part.
If you're confident enough in your relationship, then take the chance and go get that experience. Believe me, if you don't take this opportunity, you will kick yourself for YEARS.If it's to the degree that you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with him, would you be willing to give up this opportunity to achieve that? You are talking about him making a sacrifice for you, but would you be willing to make one for him?
I'm not going to give you an answer because this one is for you to think over. I wish you the best.
I would choose the job. Guys come and go.
It really depends on what's important to you. Good luck!
Without love there would be no money to make.
Whether you consider that a good thing or a bad thing is ultimately your personal preference but either way this is the simple truth.
my guy is a business man and can travel and go anywhere. my guy was already settled in his career before I met him. he's older than me, too. he said that he would move his business to where I am, but I told him that he didn't have to. the plane ride to where I am is only about a half hour. I like my own space anyway and can't see myself living together with my s.o. the semi-distance is great for me personally. I can also move anytime-sort of, but it'll take a while to pack all of my things. I got a social vip network of people to get me jobs, so I'm not really worried about money or finding work. I'm pretty adaptable and can deal with different people and jobs. I'd probably be bored if I had the same job for years, but I think I found a job that I'm okay with. although money is great, I think I'm a true schoolgirl and find the giddy feelings of being with someone, who flutters amongst the butterflies with me, is what makes me gleeful
dear fluffy bunnies, I'm so cheesy and romantic
love knows no distance.
Your job is more important right now. Don't give up a good job opportunity for a guy. If it's meant to work with your boyfriend, it will.
Seeing how he kind of just brushed you off without researching it or thinking about it, I would say forget him and do the career. If at a year and a half you would move for him and he will not, that says something about his seriousness in this relationship. Just saying.
I said yes to the guy, and literally left my life behind to be with him, and I'm happy. But we're talking, an excellent guy here, who did want to marry me. You've painted your boyfriend as kind of "eh" here. I don't know. Your call.
recertification to another state is not hard. chances are he can teach on a provisional certificate for a year while he is getting his new certification.
@daydreams_nightmares@xanga - "If it's meant to work with your boyfriend, it will."
The same could be said of a good job opportunity. Both require deliberate effort. Don't give up a good boyfriend for a job opportunity.
"Our work is [never] over."
http://youtu.be/PsO6ZnUZI0g
Though not all work pays money, there's always more work to be done than there are people to do it. It's maddening how people take each other for granted. I agree, work first, but love always.
Well, with the way you described your boyfriend, I would definitely choose the career over him. If he wants to be with you, he will either contemplate about moving with you or at least want to do a long-distance relationship. I think this is something you and your boyfriend need to discuss though. Both of you need to figure out where you see yourself in 5 years and if you see your relationship will potentially work out in the future. Don't put in all the effort if he isn't willing to.
Whatever you do -- don't regret it.
im 22 and have been with my boyfriend (now fiance) for 8 years. i truly believe if two people love eachother they can make anything work and i dont feel you should need to choose between ambition and love.
Sounds like his excuse is kind of flimsy, especially considering you said he is considering *another* opportunity to move to a different state...just not the opportunity follow you.
I did long distance for more than a year with my boyfriend, and although it was hard and neither of us was in a position to move, it works when you both want it to; and eventually you GET yourself into a position to shrink the distance. If you love each other. If he's not interested in doing long distance and/or finding a solution to the imminent distance, I would break up with him and move on. No sense in wasting your effort on someone who's not willing to invest his in you.
If it's been a year and a half, and it seems he'ss unsure if he wants to take your relationship to the next level..I say choose career. Plus this is a good test of your relationship..long distance. Long distance do work, but it's a matter of commitment and love. So if you're relationship is worth it to both of you, besides the distant you both will remain faithful and keep building. I was in a long distant relationship with my current boyfriend for about 8 months and we were able to make it work with calls and skype. :)
I say pick the job. It's more stable and mostly in your control, another person isn't something you can control. It could very well work out that he will change his mind and come with you then you will have both, if you stay you'll just have him...but for how long? x
One thing I've learned from my past relationship. It's kind of hard to be in a relationship with someone when you are far more motivated than they are. You sound pretty young...live your life...opportunities especially in this time and age do not just come knocking around. take the internship