If there's one thing I always used to feel terrible about, it was having sex with my ex-girlfriend even after she got married. That's been a couple of years now, and for the longest time I didn't regard that as the brightest moment I'd ever had. Alas, things have changed and so has my perspective, and now
I have absolutely no shame over that incident or the other probable incidents of sleeping with married/committed women (I've slept with close to 60 people in the past two years, most of them only once, odds are at least a couple were married).
Anyway, after another person and I had a conversation about that, I've come to the realization that
it's not really my fault or the blame is not to be placed on me for incidents like that happening. If they don't volunteer the information that they're married/committed, or if they do but they insist on fucking anyway, who am I to blame? What's it on me? They're the ones that are cheating, not me.
I'm just single and unattached. Besides, if they're leading me on like that, chances are they'd cheat anyway, so if they're going to cheat it might as well be with me! At least I get some action that way vs. them cheating with someone else; then I get no action.
Now, none of this is to say I'd intentionally lead on a married/committed individual, because I wouldn't. If I knew an individual was married/committed, whether through observation, the grapevine, or they directly tell me they are, I wouldn't dream of trying to convince them to cheat on their partners with me.
As much as I reject the notion of monogamy and think monogamy is totally stupid, if some people want to do things that way, then fine. I can always find someone else. But if they initiate and/or consent without volunteering the information that they're married and/or committed, well, then it's game on.
Thoughts?
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Comments (51)
If you know someone is taken and respect that, more power to you. If you're the type that knows someone is taken and still messes w/them then GTFO. I can't stand people who disrespect other people's relationships just because they think they're the ones that aren't being cheated on, but since you said you wouldn't go after someone if you knew they were taken then you're alright!
You are right that the blame shouldn't be on you though because you're not cheating on anybody. More often times than not I've had a crazy psycho ex-girlfriend go after me when they should be going after their exes. Not only that, they were already broken up and done with so I dunno who the hell those crazy ex-girlfriends think they are thinking they can try to sabotage me and my relationship with their ex currently.
Whats with all of the cheating posts lately?
I am very surprised you would stop yourself from pursuing a married person.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - lol, you beat me to it. i was gonna say, we have upset the balance of most cliche d-ish posts. can someone write a few virgin posts and maybe some male vs female promiscuity ones, too?
that being said, he *did* offer a different perspective on it. since i think everyone's aware of my feelings on the subject at this point, i'll refrain from comment.
I do my absolute best to avoid enabling people to cheat on their partners. If someone I knew was in a monogamous relationship pursued me, I'm almost entirely certain I'd turn them down even if I wanted to sleep with them.
That said, if someone lies to me or I otherwise don't know about an SO and I sleep with them, I hold myself blameless.
@Jenny_Wren@xanga - Fuck you, cunt. Contrary to what you want to think about me, I do have a moral compass.
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - I honestly didn't mean that to be mean. I was pleasantly surprised (maybe I should have put the "pleasantly" to make it more clear). It's good you have a moral compass.
And, I'm sorry, maybe it's wrong for me to be surprised. Sometimes it seems you don't want to be thought of as someone who cares about other people, and so I was taken aback in a good way. Hope this doesn't sound bad. I just mean it to explain why I was surprised.
@Jenny_Wren@xanga - Quite frankly I get tired of your shit. You always fucking pick on me and I've had it with your bullshit. You can think whatever the fuck you want about me (that I'm morally bankrupt, a male prostitute, selfish, whatever), I don't care, but I'm tired of your baseless attacks on me.
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - If I have said anything that has seemed like an attack, I shouldn't have said it. You're right. I know we've disagreed sometimes, but I never meant to attack you. I'm not aware of ever attacking you.
I agree with you. You can't force other people to have a moral compass - it's their marriage and they have to own the decisions they make about it, not you.
@Jenny_Wren@xanga - Eh, fair enough. I know that doesn't change the fact you think I'm just a morally bankrupt, sociopathic sex addict, who's destined to burn in hell for eternity, but whatever. You'll think what you'll think of me, and I can't change that, and truth be told I don't really care.
You're right that I really don't care about other people, but forcing someone to have sex with another person is just not cool for anyone (and that goes for whether you're single or married). It's just not right. I know that and I think anyone with half a brain knows that.
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - Oh, I never thought you would *force* someone. By pursue, I meant, like, charming them or "romancing" them somehow. I really apologize and can see how it would have been extremely offensive if that was what you thought I meant.
You might be surprised what I think of you. In a good way.
@Jenny_Wren@xanga - Well, all someone has to say is "I'm married/taken" and I look elsewhere. Seriously, that's all it takes. Someone who's willing to volunteer that information is usually committed and firm in their commitment and so I take that as "back off." That said, if the same person pursued me and asked me for sex, well, that's a totally different ballgame.
Is your name Barney Stinson? ;P
It takes two to tango..so I suppose the action versus consquences rests on both parties..
I feel only the cheater is to blame. Anything else is directing hurt feelings towards the wrong person. The exception would be people who knowingly sleep with someone they know's SO.
I don't see a problem with what you did and what other tempters/temptresses do (unless its a best friend/family trying to take another friend/family member's partner.
What you do as a single person is your own prerogative. It is mainly the actions of the person in the relationship that should be shunned because he/she committed themselves to a monogamous relationship. There would have been no cheating, foul play or hurt if it weren't for that one person's lack of self-control and ability to decline a single person's advances.
What you did wasn't wrong, but most people just dislike your game.
Your respect for women is completely evident by the way you call one a cunt and cuss her out.
@sunflowersforlove@xanga - I do the same thing to men. Seriously. I'm actually even meaner to other men then I am to women.
In general, I have no respect for human beings, so don't feel like I'm singling one sex out. To me human beings (including myself, by the way) have no more value than a cockroach. Don't worry, it ain't just women I'm like this toward.
I hope you get tested for STD's on a regular basis.
@Gaia - Every 6 months I get an STD test along with a fertility test to make sure I'm still sterile.
By the way, I ain't stupid. I wear a condom despite having had a vasectomy. Just because I like to fuck random strangers doesn't mean I'm stupid.
The way I see it, being a 'homewrecker' is very close to if not equally bad as being the actual cheater. It's not unlike witnessing a murder/rape and not reporting it; you might not be the actual murderer but you should (ideally) have a moral obligation to help or at least report it. Here, though you are not actually cheating and don't push your advances on taken people, you are still encouraging cheaters (by accepting their advances) and thus indirectly supporting cheating. This is wrong to me.
But, if you are okay with it, feel free to do whatever you want.
I can't stand most people either. I usually want nothing to do with them let alone have sex with them*shudder* I like some of the cute kpop stars though. most everyone else-no, get away!
I have no respect for people who get involved with people who are already in committed relationships.
Quite the set of morals we have here, huh?