Tuesday, 16 October 2012
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Why is My Long-Distance Ex Boyfriend Contacting Me?
I got to know this guy from way back in grad school. He was a friend of a friend, and we only exchanged a few menial conversations face to face maybe twice or thrice. Four years later, we met on a social networking site. We exchanged numerous messages and chats about anything and everything. We became kind of virtual best buddies. I wanted to know what was going on in his life/world, so did he for me.
We had quickly become fond of each other. Then one day, he drops this bomb on me about how he was interested in me. About two months later, he drops yet another bomb; he loves me. Well, I simply gave the relationship a go ahead without any response whatsoever. Our communication was completely virtual: Skype chats, sms, phone calls, but never physical (face to face). This relationship was typical of a long-distance relationship.Three months into the relationship and like any other couple, we argued sometimes. One day following a heated argument, he requests for some time off. "I need some time" were his exact words via sms. This blew my mind. I never ever thought this would happen especially considering the fact that we hadn’t even gone out for an actual date yet.
I was completely overwhelmed and shocked. Well, as furious and emotionally broken as I was, I gave him the time off, except I felt the time off needed to be indefinitely. My decision was not immediate though.So I contact him a few days later. However, he acts like nothing is wrong, all happy. He also seemed very busy, and calls became shorter. His responses were often, "I have to do this," or "I have to do that," and yet, he would always make the time to talk. But suddenly, this was no more. Communication became less and less. Well, his birthday was coming up soon and when it did, I contacted him. But, it felt like we were two strangers just getting to know each other.
All I wanted was to wish him a happy birthday and that was it. But then, he requests that we keep talking and so we did. Kinda made me smile and it felt like everything was okay, or so I wished.
Two days would pass without hearing from him and at this point, I had made the decision to block him from every social website he and I shared. He tried contacting me a couple of days later via phone call/sms, but at this point, I felt it was over. Then one day, communication between us just went dead. I would say this long-distance relationship lasted about three months (Jan-March).It has been about six months since then or since I last heard from him. Then suddenly a couple of weeks ago, he contacts me. First I found a missed call which I missed unintentionally but couldn't return it because it was a foreign number (I had never really memorized his number). Then about a week after, he calls again. He claimed he had been trying to reach me. Hmm!
A few days later, he sends me a rather blunt sms wanting to know what happened to my blog updates and why I wasn’t writing blog articles anymore. No "Hi" or "How are you?" He just bluntly asked that question.My question is why, after all this time, would he contact me?
P.S.
I was very certain he wouldn’t contact me ever again.
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Comments (19)
He's lonely. And apparently not doing so well with it.
Because he misses you.
You guys should stay friends and date other people.
lol...i feel you. my ex did this to me too and i was so surprised. i just ignored it. i believe that he realized what he lost when he lost you that's why.
wasn't really a REAL romantic relationship, so don't think too much into it. i wouldn't start talking to him again unless you want the same shit happening again.
The emotions on your end of this relationship....which was real contrary to what others may think....may not have been as caught up as his were. It usually takes awhile before two people who meet online find the courage to meet up. 3 months isn't much. I think you need to call him and explain things from your end. Tell him exactly how you feel, don't beat around the bush. Then ask him to tell you how he feels. Only when you've been honest with each other can your relationship/friendship/whatever grow.
He probably pulled away because some other girl came into his life and he preferred the closer (and more physical) option as opposed to waiting months or years to finally see you. Now, 6 months later, the other option fell through and now he's testing the waters again with you to see if you're still interested.
Shamefully, I've actually done this to a girl before. But she lived 2700 miles away on a completely separate continent, so it's not completely my fault. Maybe he was genuinely interested in you. Maybe if you two lived closer to one another, it could have worked out.
My advice would be to ignore him for the time being. But if he makes an effort to relocate to your area, don't reject him right off the bat. Your "break-up" doesn't mean you two aren't compatible, it just means he doesn't handle long-distance relationships well.
he's nosy and wants to know what has happened in your life. he either is single and wants to know that you're still thinking about and miss him, too because he's a lonely schoolboy, or he's in a relationship and want to know if you're also in a relationship just so he can rub it in your face if you're single that he has someone new, because he's a jackass.
Stop pretending that these "LDRs" in which you never see eachother are actual relationships.
I think it comes down to do you want to be ignored again?
No. Ive been at this point in a similar relationship.
We broke up, and then months later messages me asking about my life, and how I am, then jumps to him wanting me again. I gave him another go. Yet, again he let me down.
Recently, he did the same thing and I told him friends was all I could provide because I was finally happy with myself and I didn't want to mess that up. He hasn't contacted me since. Its been five months.
Sometimes the what ifs arent worth the mud they sink in. :)
He must still be interested, but this 'friendship' may not progress at all unless you move closer together... Lots can be misunderstood by written word only.. Skype is a bit better..
Read http://www.andersoncooper.com/2012/04/17/dr-gottman-four-negative-patterns-that-predict-divorce/Very interesting book about what stuff causes relationships to end.
Very interesting.
Good luck!
Christy
i am not sure if this applies to this particular situation but knowing people these days it might... hes not getting anything from anywhere else. if you know what i mean by that then its probably the case... if you dont its probably not.
my ex constantly tries to contact me.. I just ignore it all
it's the same reason an ex from a non long distance relationship would contact you.. he's lonely. he misses you.
i have a rule for myself. after a relationship i have ends, if it ended badly or things were left unresolved, i force myself to keep moving forward. if they hurt me, i will stop talking to them. i won't start conversations with them, and when they try to contact me i either ignore them or tell them i don't want to hear from them anymore. letting them back in your life will bring back feelings, but not the feelings you had when it ended. it brings back the feelings of the best it ever was, which can be VERY different.
in your case, i'd suggest just moving on and not taking to him anymore. unless you whole-heartedly miss having him as a friend, then it may be possible to continue being friends. but the fact that he contacted you probably means he wants to fix things, so if he were to drop that bomb on you that he still loves you, that could ruin the friendship you're trying to rebuild.
I had a online LDR once. He contacted me after ten years for what seems like a booty call. Although I loved him or thought I did, I turned him down because I respected myself more and things have changed so much in ten years I wasn't the same person he dated (at least not inside).
guys are stupid, they realize what they lose and it's too late... my ex tried contacting me a few times too since we've broken up.. i'm already w/ someone new and better for me... yet he tries n never has a reason.. i've tried to ignore him and he still tries... guys don't make sense and they say girls are confusing...
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