I met a guy at a party about a month ago. Based on the things he says and does, he is super into me. Ever since the night we met, he is always texting, calling, and wanting to see me. He texts me every day when he wakes up to say good morning, asks me how I'm doing throughout the day, and says really nice things. For example: "I miss you so much," "I care so much about you," "You are too good to be true," "I can't wait to see you," "I love everything about you," etc.
Usually, I just respond by saying, "Aww that's sweet," which makes him question whether or not I'm into him. He has said several times that he thinks he is more into me than I am into him. We have hung out about 8 times now. He has asked me several times to be his girlfriend and make things exclusive, but I feel like it's too soon, so my response has been, "Let's get to know each other better and see what happens."
He said that was fine, but also said that he wasn't interested in anyone else. I am very cautious when it comes to new people, so I have been a bit distance and aloof in terms of reaching out to him and being available. The last two times he asked to see me, I bailed out at the last minute. He finally convinced me to come spend the weekend with him. We had a really nice time, but on Sunday morning, we were laying in bed and he was texting.
He had the phone right in front of me, so I couldn't resist looking. It appeared that he was texting another woman saying, "Good morning babe," and "How are you feeling today?" both of which are texts he sends me. I confronted him about it and he tried to deny it, but I know what I saw. He finally admitted that it was someone he had been seeing.
He apologized for texting her when I was around and insisted he would never speak to her again and that he would never do that if we were together. He even offered to call her in front of me to end it. I told him that wasn't necessary.
Is this guy a player? Or was he just continuing to play the field until he knew I was interested? Can I trust this guy? Should I end it?
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Comments (52)
I think I've read this post before somewhere but anyways.
If he was really interested in you he wouldn't be texting any other girl like that; even when you turned him down a few times and all. He might try and make you jealous by texting someone else and sort of putting pressure on you to make a decision to be exclusive but it doesn't sound right.
If he was genuine about this, he would be there for you and let you have the time you need, and not pressure you.
If he already can't play nice then you shouldn't play at all, don't waste your time. There are probably guys out there that will wait and take their time to get to know you without putting pressure on this.
I wouldn't trust someone who was laying in bed with me and being flirty with someone else at the same time. That's bad enough, but to add saying the same things he says to you to her would definitely put up red flags to me.
Yes; player. Nope, don't trust him. End it and find someone else.
I had a similar situation...the guy even brought me breakfast one morning. Turned out he was seeing like 4 other girls. The way I found out is one of his ex girlfriends told me about it and then when I texted him his mother said he had a girlfriend. Needless to say it was a bad situation. If there is another woman there will always be another woman. This guy sounds like bad news. Save yourself the hassle and get far away from him.
You buy candy from strangers and accept random drinks at frat parties don't you?
...Or you could just date him.
playerr
@modernthief@xanga - it sounds like the womanizer movie, Alfie, starring jude law
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - Yeah unfortunately for her, it's real life.
Sheesh! Yes! End it! Get a few STD tests too while you're at it.... this guy sounds like a walking crotch-rot factory.
i think it's just a booty call for him. you met him at a party. i don't trust guys like that either.
Isn't it usually the guys who "date" around like that always complain about girls? Lol. Stick to one then you'll only have one set of problems, not 4 plus an STD. Ya, sounds like a playeerrrrr. That's the thing about people who actually do true open relationships, you couldn't trust them when they have lingering feelings for other people they're dating at the same time.
So he was into you, then you didn't want to be his girlfriend, then he starts to find someone else, then you get mad?
Girls are strange.
@Gaia - "Girls are strange."
Not at all. It's very simple really, but convenient and comfortable to believe anything but the truth.
They're hypocrites just like men. Still love 'em all the same.
bailing at the last minute is a super bitchy move. i agree with @Gaia, this may have been your fault. when a girl bails on me like that, her number gets deleted unless she seems genuinely apologetic and makes an offer to reschedule.
this dude needs to get some game though. he comes on way too strong. by the way, there is nothing wrong with playing the field when you're not exclusive, i don't know why everyone else is calling him a player. (i will agree that it was a bad idea for him to text the other chick while in bed with you though, haha.)
I say don't go for it. You did some bitchy moves, but he still denied what you confronted him on.
I believe he did it to make you jealous! that is what you get for trying to play hard to get! Why would he text that right in front of you?? Ive done this before. ;) Its called mind games!
He was trying to make you jealous, to get on your playing field. He said that he thinks he's into you more than you are into him, jealousy is a very telling emotion and I'm sure that's what he was going for. Immature move and in my opinion a total turn off, he should let you fall for him naturally.
I personally wouldn't. I do have a question..if you're taking it slow in being vulnerable emotionally..are you taking it slow physically? Becaue if you guys did things I honestly think that ruins things. However I wouldn't try at this point, he obviously had no respect to be honest to you. I've dated a cheater and one little lie like that is easy to do again. I say just end it, and also be wise in who you decide to date, and especially where you meet and how you meet them.
@megan_davis93@xanga - mind games it could be..but it's never a good start to a relationship if she wants one with him. been there..done that...no fun..
1) The two of you aren't exclusive. It was rude of him to text another woman in front of you, he owed you an apology, but wasn't obliged to explain anything to you since the two of you are just hooking up.
2) Why should he wait around for you to decide what you want to do especially when you bail at the last minute when given a chance to "get to know him"? Either you are interested or you are not. If a guy bailed on you at the last minute, I am thinking you would make the assumption that he was not interested.
3) It sounds to me you are both keeping each other around just in case you can't find anyone better. It is clear you are not as into him as you claim he is into you. Let him find someone that is, and you should move on to someone that you are more interested in.
I don't get it. You told him you want to take it slow which is basically code for "I'm not interested", and then get upset because he's found someone else? You can't have it both ways. If you keep bailing out on him, of course he's going to look elsewhere. Either you date him exclusively, stop bailing out on him and stop playing mind games, or you tell him you don't like him and end things. You can't give him all the signals of not being interested and then get upset when he finds a new girl.
He wants to to fall for him so he can dump you. Your playing hard to get made you a challenge but as soon as he feels like he's "got you" he won't want you any more. If you like spending time with him then continue by all means but don't give him more attention than you would be willing to without the pressure. And don't get emotionally involved with this man-child.