Friday, 12 October 2012
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We Want the Truth
Recently, a friend of mine named Jamie was having issues with trusting her husband Mike. I asked her what was wrong. She said that she found condoms in his car.It's strange because:
A) They don't ever use condoms since they're married.
B) He's never had them there before.
C) He also lied to her about going out drinking that same night...going out drinking obviously isn't a crime, it's lying about it that is. Makes her wonder who he was with.
She confronted Mike about it and he claims he would never do such a thing to her. I'm on her side and say that he's lying.
She didn't want to be the type of girl to look into his phone, but I told her I wouldn't fault her for looking through his phone if she did. He broke her trust by lying about where he was and what he was doing. Now keep in mind that it's a marriage so she can't end it just like that.
What would you do if someone claimed they weren't lying about cheating but there were signs that they were? Would you try to look in their phone to find evidence? Honestly, I can say that's what I would do.
Signed,
Xinq
Edit:
Hey all! I have some updates on the situation.
She told me she asked her husband if she could see his phone and he let her, but the thing with that is we both think he's deleted the texts even if there was anything. For now I think they are talking it out and hopefully it was nothing. Not sure why he lied to her though about where he was and what he was doing. He told her he was at some meeting for business and that's when she caught him at the bars drinking.
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- From: xinq@xanga
- About Me: Do not expect me to "respect" your views, if/when you don't do the same in return.
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Comments (19)
It's tricky isn't it? You probably don't expect to find that considering you never use condoms but...instinctively, a lot of people would say (or even if they don't say it) look through his phone.
Has she confronted her husband yet? Talking to him would be nice before anything else, and asking about the condoms. I mean, what did he say about the condoms? A guy doesn't just buy them, specially a married one.
I sometimes end up with condoms for little or no reason. This happened before I was sexually active, and I still randomly end up with condoms I don't really want from time to time. I tend to go to positive sexuality and LGBTQ events, though... so it makes sense. But it is possible he just sort of "ended up with" them as well.
However, it does seem like he's lying. I don't think looking through his phone is the best answer here, but I do think she should try to ask non-accusatory questions about the situation. "So... why are there condoms?" might get her farther than screaming for an explanation.
If talking doesn't work... eh. My suggestion would be marriage counseling followed by looking into divorce. If they can't work together to reestablish trust, it's going to be a long and painful road and the relationship probably won't be worth it anyway.
Could it have been a friend's condom?
I can only speak for myself when I say I've had condoms before with no intent to use them, but the thing is I wasn't in a relationship when I had them. That being said, if I were in a relationship and my SO used birth control I would make sure I never had any condoms so that issue would never arise. Why would anyone even let their partner worry like that, even if they don't plan to use them and even if the concern is over nothing... that's just stupid and unnecessary IMO.
Tell her to give him 2 options.
1, he comes clean and tells her the truth. She throws a fit, he begs for forgiveness, she forgives, they try to move on.
or 2 she becomes completely irrational and uber suspicious of everything he says does.. so much so that she is going through his phone/FB/emails, following him around and thinking about hiring a private detective.. driving him completely crazy and finally forcing him to tell her everything. She throws an even bigger fit, he begs for forgiveness repeatedly, she refuses, then finally gives in, then they struggle to figure out whats left of their marriage...
either way when he finally tells her what she doesn't really want to hear they need to make an apt for marriage counseling so they can start rebuilding trust.
She should confront him. You can't be married to someone if you can't trust them.
@themillionairess@xanga - Yep.
You guys know he was lying about going out drinking... so where was he? Smells like Poseidon's asshole. Fishy. If he lied about where he was, but was lying because he was planning a surprise for you, then the whole situation seems silly. But this isn't a sitcom so... not likely.
Also, you guys are and have been married so I'm assuming you've been together as a couple at least 4 years. Dude, I don't know ANYONE who hangs onto condoms that long. Although, where in the car could be an indicator as well as how many. I found condoms I had stashed from like 18 months prior. Totally forgot I had 'em. So that's plausible.
It sucks when you marry someone thinking they're amazing and then they do this. Then what? You feel screwed being stuck with an inconsiderate possibly cheating jackass. Well, hopefully she looks and gets to the bottom of things.
Hey all! I have some updates of the situation. She told me she asked her husband if she could see his phone and he let her, but the thing with that is we both think he's deleted the texts even if there was anything. For now I think they are talking it out and hopefully it was nothing. Not sure why he lied to her though about where he was and what he was doing. He told her he was at some meeting for business and that's when she caught him at the bars drinking.
@mcmeister89@mancouch - good to see you back! =]
@hey! - Who the balls...?
I read something VERY similar to this on FB. Some lady found condoms in her husbands car. So she poked holes in them, soaked them in habernero oil, and replaced them. Some time later, her gf called saying she had sex with her BF and her lady-parts were on fire, and the same day her husband was walking around with ice on his man-parts... Just saying.
What was his explanation of the fact he had condoms in his car??? That is strange... He wasn't using them for balloons, was he...
I smell a lying rat.
Christy
I think it's their marriage, which means it doesn't matter what I think.
@greatredwoman@xanga - I don't think he gave one actually. But yeah, I agree he's lying. She told him he's gotta change his lying ways or it's not gonna work out for them so I hope she finds out for her sake for sure.
@NinjaJodi@xanga - Lmao! I'll have to tell my friend to do something like that!
@Under_the_Ghillie@xanga - What's the point of datingish if people can't give dating scenarios and opinions on how they would handle things? Isn't that the point of datingish to give dating stories and how people would react if it were them in the situation?
My bad.
love compatibility
sexy able
As much as I don't like to jump to assume things, i would get a bad feeling about that. At the same time, he deserves the benefit of the doubt because distrust and assumptionskill the chance for open communication. I would suggest having a sit down and talking in general (and more specific) terms what they would like to seein the relationship, where theyre unhappy, what's working well, etc