Friday, 12 October 2012
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A Married Woman is Talking to My Boyfriend
This post was submitted anonymously.
I didn't think it was a big deal at first because you know, they've known each other since they were 8 and are good "buddies." After years have passed, the messages have become even more flirtatious. Again, I didn't think it a big deal because at this point she was married and she wouldn't try anything to jeopardize her marriage and I was thinking maybe it's just words, especially when she doesn't even live in the same state as us anymore.When my boyfriend was with another girl a few years back, I saw that same married girl write flirty public messages to him. I didn't owe his then girlfriend anything, didn't even know her and now that then-girlfriend is married to someone else anyway and they haven't talked in years. We started talking after they broke up.
Do you think it's a big deal if a married woman is writing, "Happy Birthday, lover" on your boyfriend's wall and calling him babe like he's her boyfriend?
I'm not even jealous of their childhood bond. I just think it's disrespectful to her marriage. I wonder if her now husband knows. She's already been married once and divorced. It's funny she claims she doesn't know why he left...I bet I can tell her. He caught on.
Am I overreacting?
I've brought it up subtly once before; how I didn't like her public display of affections. It was more than just a "good friends saying 'hey'" post. They claim they're each other's first loves. I was venting about this to another friend and he said he's joked about being first loves with his first love...so I don't know what to think anymore.
In fact, one year she even said, "Happy Birthday, my first love." Sometimes I wonder if they still talk like they have something, why don't they just get together...what on earth was stopping them before to spare everyone else in between? Or are they the type to want each other when they can't have each other?
Do you think I should bring this up again? They have recently been in contact. She's writing messages to him publicly and always putting ":)" at the end of her messages. I'm getting sick of this girl and want to call her out one of these days if she writes my boyfriend another flirty message with a smiley face at the end again. I want to remind her that she is married, and NOT to my boyfriend. They had their chances when I wasn't in the picture and neither of them took it.
Have you ever dealt with a situation like this? How did you handle it?
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Comments (47)
jesus, you must be young. there are a million better things to worry about. i'm super flirty with my friends--i do everything ranging from saying i love you, signing my emails with xo's, cuddling on the couch, and holding hands in public to grabbing asses, wolf whistling, and sleeping in bed with them (including one friend who is engaged). but it's only because we're not seeing each other that i do those things. i would never, ever do any of these things with them (in public) if we were actively banging each other, whether said banging is happening openly or secretly.
my point is, you should go by actions, not words.
It seems like it's bothering you quite a bit. If something is getting under your skin, don't ignore it. Eventually it'll just fester and become much uglier than before. Personally, I'm not cool with the flirting and would be just as annoyed.
First of all, whatever is going on in her marriage is between her and her husband and has nothing to do with you.
Second of all, it appears these two have a relationship that will never, ever change and whoever is their SO with either have to put up with it or move on. Just saying. Good luck.
I have not been in a similar situation, but if I had been, I would probably react just as you did. But I tend to agree with The Notorious GOD that you should consider your course of action based on HIS actions, not what she is posting. I don't feel the term "Lover" should be applied to anyone who is not your OWN SIGNIFICANT OTHER, regardless of marital status. I think if you are really uncomfortable with it, you could talk to him and let him know that you don't care for her terms of endearment, especially since it is posted in a pretty public place. He needs to be the one who tells her to cool it. It sounds like the husband is oblivious. All the men I know would not be cool with their wife/girlfriend calling another guy "love/lover"
You know what? This married woman is crazy, and your boyfriend is really stupid.
It's one thing to let a married woman talk to your boyfriend the way she does because that's nothing you can control, but for your boyfriend to not step up and make things clear to her is even worse, so what does that tell you?
I actually don't agree. You, if you're with someone, should be signing your e-mails or whatever it is, with x's and all that, it's disrespectful towards your girlfriend; however if you're single then sure, but neither of them (in this story) is single, so if I was you (the girl), I'd probably make that clear as it's bothering you.
If any woman married or not were to be typing to my man like that, they'd be hearing from me. First my SO would be hearing it from me, but if it doesn't stop and she's the only to keep continuing, she'd better watch her back. Just like I don't have high tolerance for asshole boys, I have zero tolerance for people who do not respect others that are in a relationship. Sure they may think, "I don't know this girl so I don't care..." that just shows what kind of morals they have.
Kinda torn. On one hand, any time two people of the opposite sex are nice to each, people always misconstrue it as flirting - on the other hand, they obviously have some feelings for each other. Doesn't mean he's going to leave you for her though.
Honestly, I'm still friends with all 7 of my exes so I don't think you should be worried.
I don't think this is a big deal at all. If I were still in contact with some of the guys from my past, I'd probably still flirt with them. My husband and I tell people about people flirting all the time. I am pretty sure her husband knows about their relationship. It's not like they are talking about having secret get meetings and being undercover lovers. They are sending flirty messages with each other on a public forum that anyone can read. However, if it bothers you that much, don't sit around being mad about it, tell him about it. I doubt it will change their relationship or they will stop talking to each other.
Why are you worried about what the woman's relationship? You're not friends with her OR her husband - you have no loyalty to either of them.
If it bothers you, work it out with your boyfriend. Even if the woman is trying to get with him, nothing will happen between them unless he lets it. If you trust him, don't worry about what she's doing.
This flirty woman still seems to have a deep crush on your man.
It is disrespectful to the husband but the issue here is between the flirty comments your guy and this wife. I'm somewhat in the same boat as you. I've mentioned it to the guy that I'm talking to and he reassured me that they were just friends. I don't want to bring you down but they ended up hooking up and consequently, I got an std. He realized she wasn't for him and came running back. They're supposedly still friends now. I tell him time and time again that he gives me no reason to trust him and we're trying to figure things out. I like him more than he knows but I'll never admit it to him till I fully trust him. From my experience, I say go with your heart. If you believe its something worth fighting for.. then I say stick around. I'll tell you this much. I am drained.
Talk to your boyfriend about it. one of the key foundations to a good relationship is communication.
If she is leaving those kinds of messages, yes I feel she is disrespecting her husband. BUT you do not know what is happening in their marriage. they could very well have one of those open marriages...
Anyway, its hurting you, and you need to talk to the boyfriend.
My bestbud is a guy, and he has been calling me a nickname since high school... If my husband ever told me it bothered him, I'd put an end to it.. but he doesn't have a problem with it.
It probably wouldn't bother me at all. Unless they were texting on a daily basis, I doubt I'd notice.
I do the same thing with my friends. 99% of them are male and I call ALL of them babe or random inside-joke petnames. I'll sleep in bed with them. We're constantly wrestling around or being some what touchy feely. We'll jokingly flirt and say perverted things.
Some of them are married, others have girlfriends and I myself am in a serious relationship. Everyone knows it's nothing serious.
@babybug329@xanga - What she said.
Well, as people before me have said, what is going on between this woman and her husband is absolutely none of your business so that's to be completely cast aside, unless of course you are good friends with her or her husband which does not seem to be the case.
As for their relationship, I think that they look like they have a long history: if they are indeed first loves, they may have unresolved issues that you will never be part of, and it is 100% up to you to decide whether or not you want to be in the middle of it. You do not have a say in their relationship, however you have a say in yours and if you are willing to trust him, go for it, but if you are not, then maybe someone with a less complicated past would suit you better.
Just make sure you don't demonise the woman, that happens all too much in such situations.
Whether or not your husband responds to her flirting is a whole different matter in itself (one that you all could talk about and fix), but specifically concerning her actions--I agree with you. I think it is disrespectful to her husband and to you. But, there's little you can do, except to mention it to your husband and see if he might talk to her. Explain why it bothers you, in a way that doesn't assume that he's to blame in any way. I'm sure he'll be receptive and at least try to smooth things over.
That is so completely inappropriate. I'm in awe at how many posts there are from people who say it isn't a big deal. I feel sorry for all parties involved. And your boyfriend needs to man up and tell her to go to hell. Get the hell out of that relationship.
Blow up her car.
Lol jk. I would be more worried about your boyfriend not rejecting the flirtatious advances. Talk to them both about it, not us.
This would piss me the fuck off. =\ I would tell your boyfriend how much it's bothering you and if he doesn't seem to care, or doesn't say anything to her, fuck it, I'd talk to her. You don't want this girl making you insecure about your relationship or anything.
And not only is she disrespecting her marriage, she is also disrespecting YOUR relationship with your boyfriend!
I appreciate all of the feed back so far! Seems like there's mixed responses. I am glad I am not the only one that would be bothered by this I knew there had to be a few others who'd feel the same. I did confront him about it the other day finally and I just said okay. So I've never said anything about this chick but I've been wanting to for years. They were talking like that even when we first got together but I didn't make it a big deal then and ignored it because she was married to someone else. He claims they are just friends and he was her first crush and nothing is going on. I believe that her husband and her relationship is my business when she is flirting with my guy and causing arguments between us. Every year on his birthday she would leave these inappropriate messages and I'm thinking is this bitch kidding me? Everyone knows she's married to someone else, that just makes her look like an asshole.
Now that I've talked to him about it, I hope he will stop reciprocating the flirty messages joking or not. If she sends him another flirty message down the line, I'm gonna let her know what's up because she's getting away with this. I may not know her husband but I really dislike emotionally cheating whores and I doubt he knows about it because if he did know how flirty these messages were, I don't think he would have still stayed with her.
I was on the verge of not talking to him anymore ever, because that's how flirtatious her messages have become. It was so much more than friends just joking about being lovers, etc.
Yeah, no. BOUNDARIES! They're both in commited relationships, neither should be flirting outside the relationship no matter how long they have known each other. I know people do but so blatantly like so where her husband and you can see, they can go fck themselves. It's disrespectful to you and her hubby. That said, I think that he will do this no matter what cuz he thinks it is ok. I would tell him you do not like it and he needs to show you respect. If he chooses her, leave him. He's a jack ass.
well you should have expressed your discontent from the beginning when you first met each other. he'd probably respect your opinion back then more but you allowed him continue on like that up until now.
smiley faces in text messages are fine... but if they're really flirting with each other then it's different.. you didn't really give us any details on the txt messages for us to determine whether it is flirting or whether you're just overanalysing things.
if it's really bothering you then let him know that you're not going to continue to put up with it. Don't try to turn it into a fight. Keep the conversation civil rather than accusing him of things and making him upset. Ask him how he'd feel if you were exchanging the same sort of texts with an ex etc
For those who think it's no big deal tell me you wouldn't be pissed when you see this just a small dose of what they write publicly:
http://i50.tinypic.com/357lhlu.jpg
I saw flirty messages on my guy's picture section before and her profile pic wasn't even of her face but of her boobs. I didn't tell him or her to stop. he looked hot, so yeah, I'd expect horny females to want a piece of him
I also have guys leaving me flirty messages, and I noticed that he befriended the guys, who befriended me, in order to likely check out their page to see if I left any flirty messages on their page publicly. I found out that my bf was private messaging these guys, who was flirting with me lol I knew because he told me he wanted to find out what type of guys they were and he found them to be what he calls "good guys" lol or I think he meant that he trusts that they're just casually flirting and aren't the crude type or whatever. I don't really know what he meant by good guy lol but I don't care to ask anymore. I mean who would call guys, who flirt with his gf, "good guys." he probably meant that they are good people to be buddies with. so he found some buddies by clicking on the guys, who were flirting with his gf. weird turn of events. then later I got jealous that he was becoming buddies with "my" buddies. it is social media for a reason, to socialize lol but it felt like an invasion of my friend list. they aren't all mainly born to be mine I know but why didn't he just continue to flirt with that one chic instead of becoming friends with my male friends
okay, I'm kidding, he shouldn't be flirting with anyone of any gender. he's mine
I used to be overly jealous like I just described, but now I barely check my social profile. it got boring. same rotation of messages from the same guys