“Remember when we first kissed?” the guy I’m seeing asked me. “Uh, you mean when I attacked you? Yeah...” I replied.
It seems to me that guys probably come up with a plan of action for making the first move, whereas I assume I won’t ever have to do it. I don’t know why I continue to assume this, because
I always make the first move. And since I don’t expect to do it, I don’t so much as “make a move” as I attack the guy with kisses. I guess that sounds cute, but it’s actually kind of embarrassing in my mind.
Maybe this keeps happening to me because I like sensitive guys who are more caught up with being respectful to me than they are with wooing me. As much as I appreciate that, I'm still female and I like it when a guy pursues me with some purpose.
However, I’m also a Leo and I can’t take just standing around not doing the thing we both know we wanna do! If I’m gonna keep hanging around with shy, sweet guys, maybe I should just suck it up and prepare for being the one to take things to the next level?
How do you feel about girls making the first move?Image Source
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Comments (28)
If you're interested in a person, make a move, regardless of what gender you are. Don't hide behind gender norms and use that as an excuse not to make a move if you're a woman.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - I think the majority just won't though. I was pretty much scared to death of it and waited hoping someone would do it till my mid 20's. Then I said screw it, this is never gonna happen. So I started walking up to any pretty girl and start talking. Still didn't date till I found the internet at age 28 LOL. Oh well, at least something worked.
@MrTrololo@xanga - Sure, but that's a matter of nerves, not gender norms. It's one thing to say, "I'm really nervous about asking him/her out," and another to say "I've got ovaries therefore I shouldn't make the move."
@QuantumStorm@xanga - Dollars to donuts most women will fall back on that though. There's always the oddball exception but most will just say "if you want it come try if not don't bother" That's the attitude I've seen mostly.
@MrTrololo@xanga - If they choose to hide behind their gender norms, that is their failing, not yours. Why should that affect whether or not you make a move?
@QuantumStorm@xanga - I agree that would be their failing, I'm not disagreeing here at all, but it would affect you if after waiting years and years and you realize that nobody's gonna make that move. That's the only reason I started. Couldn't wait any more.
@MrTrololo@xanga - Well look at it this way, you're now a happily married guy! Heheh
@QuantumStorm@xanga - Haha, now THAT took 34 years! Wow 6 years after my first kiss. Wonder if you're gonna have to wait 6 more years too ;)
@MrTrololo@xanga - Haha, don't plan on it!
ROFL. I am glad I am not the only one that attacked guys with kisses as opposed to just saying, "You want to go out with me?"
the very, very first girl i dated was like this. it was good for me cause i didn't really know what to do.
unfortunately, every other girl ever since has been the usual pussy. and unfortunately, empirical evidence shows that if you don't make a move, she is 100% likely to think you're uninterested or gay. fucking hypocrites. have i ever mentioned i hate girls, by the way?
I can't recall making a lot of the first moves, but with this one guy I did and he was so incredibly shy. We hung out like at least eight times and he would always hug me, put his arm around me, and hold my hand, but he would NEVER kiss me. One night we were hugging outside my house at night under the streetlamp and I leaned up and kissed him because he kept giving me this weird look. He started to initiate it after that. We hung out like all summer though and he never would go further than that which I was fine with, but I wish he would have like pushed me up against the wall and at least made it a hot make out. I don't necessarily mind making the first move, but I wish guys would be more aggressive after that. Liking cute shy guys does not work out well in my favor when I also like sexually aggressive ones haha.
Well. I've been in a relationship where I made all of the first moves, and it ended. I prefer when the guy makes the first move. With my fiance, I feel like it's kind of an even thing. We're both very outspoken about what we want and don't want. Whereas with the relationship where I made the first moves. I literally made ALL of the first moves. And I felt like it got really boring, and that the guy I was dating felt less and less masculine (if that makes any sense) because he always did everything I said (this goes far beyond first moves obviously) and never really stood up for what he wanted to do. That's why I let my fiance when we first started dating make all of the first moves. I let him ask me out on our first date. I let him be the initiator of the first kiss, and I let him say I love you first (Even though I wanted to say it WAY before he told me). But, because of that I feel like we both know our places in our relationship. I want him to be the man and to be the leader of our household. We're both very traditional and "old fashioned" as many people would say. But that mainly comes from our love of the Lord and our Faith.
Please, for goodness's sake,
make the first move.50% of the time, anyway. In an ideal world, there simply wouldn't be any notion that one sex or the other is supposed to always make the first move. There's no logic to that whatsoever. The whole point is that you both should want it.
Moreover, my guess is that based on our cultural norms, when you say "always" you actually mean "more than 30% of the time". Women seem to think they are being incredibly forward even when they just meet men halfway.
You don't have to attack him with kisses, but how about this? Tell him you like him. Ask him out. Don't force him to guess.
This is especially useful if you do like sensitive men, who often (like me) suffer from anxiety and have a lot of trouble making that first approach. If you wait for men to make the first move, you'll get only the kind of man who is good at making the first move. Some of those are good men, but a lot of them are narcissistic misogynists. They approach you without anxiety because they don't respect you and don't care what you think.
I prefer to make the first move. Maybe it's because the guys who've made the first move on me usually have done it in ways that made me wish he'd just disappear, and maybe it's because I need time to figure out if I actually like him. If a guy asks me to do something low-key with him, then I'm usually up for it if he seems like he'd be interesting, but a lot of guys come on really strong, and if I feel like they're trying to woo me, it's just annoying.
i feel like i've made the first move each time too. my first bf was the worst at it though. he was 24, i KNOW he had had other girlfriends, but we were "hanging out" exclusively for about a month before i dove in for a kiss. i think he panicked though and then proceeded to rape my throat with his tongue. then the next day he told me he "wasn't ready to kiss like that." . . . ok... we didn't last long. lol
my boyfriend now; i guess we kind of both went in for the kiss. but we wouldn't have at all if i didn't tell him i liked him first.
idk, it has made me feel like kind of a loser before, but it's cool to read some of the comments that like when the girl makes the first move
I don't like to make the first move, but I always do.
-First boyfriend, junior year of high school, sitting in his car we had already known that we liked each other, sitting in his car, me: "So are we ever going to makeout?" "oh! yeah! sure..." "wait, I just think you should know... this is my first time (kissing anyone)...soo.." lol.
-My first love who didn't love me back, me: "Kiss me before you go!"
-Guy I liked senior year, New Years, me: "Do you not want to make out with me?" ..."So then do it!"
-First serious boyfriend...end of sophomore year of college, me: "I just don't picture you being sexy... Kiss my neck!" *kisses neck very well* "F*** it let's makeout!"
-crush this year (I can't really take credit though because we were drunk): "Wait don't go... I want to makeout with you!"... in my room "wait! I'm too nervous now!" ... "Well, YOU have to kiss ME cuz YOU'RE the boy" (so really though I still made the first move by saying that, I think lol)
it's not so much about him being the boy, like I said, so much as I was sick of being the first one lol.
All the other guys I've kissed when they've made the first move are guys I ended up not liking. So that's interesting... but those were at frat parties so that makes more sense.
In my experience, all the relationships in which I made the first move didn't turn out well. I don't just mean the didn't last forever, I mean that the majority of the time the guy was very "take it or leave it" and regularly brought up that I was the one who....
I feel now that if a guy isn't interested enough to come after me, make the move...then he really just isn't interested in a relationship with me. If I like a guy, even if he hasn't yet asked me out, I'll make it clear. but that's it. If he doesn't take the next step then it goes nowhere.
For all the guys who post here about how much they love when a girl asks THEM out...there seem to be six guys out there who are willing to throw it in her face every time they are looking for an excuse to treat her like crap. "Oh, well, you asked ME out, I wasn't really looking for a relationship..."
Pff. "Making a move", I really don't think it should be a label for who decided to kiss first.
@lovelycrazycoconut@xanga - I'm rather reserved, and I feel weird making the first move...but I always do, too. I agree with you - it's not so much because I'm a girl and gender norms & such...it's just that I'm sick of being the first.
Also, in my experience, I feel like the guys think I'm too easy (I've only dated two guys in my life and I'm a senior in college. Yeesh) or they think they can take me for granted when I make the first move.
I give up. lol
First things first, I'll address the article. Nope, guys are just as prone to random acts of attraction as you are. We don't always come up with a plan beyond "Get within arms reach of said person. Kiss them. Put my tongue in their mouth." Yeah, this might keep happening because you like "sensitive" guys (er, shy guys. They aren't the same). Or it could be that you naturally make the first move before most men OR women would. Next, male or female EVERYONE likes being pursued because it means you are found desirable. Men like it just as much, don't you ladies forget it. Lastly... astrology... really? Do you read your horoscope before or after your alchemy homework? You just have an extroverted personality. Take advantage of it, use your social courage to hit on guys you like. Nothing but profit.
It's not really about male or female, it's about personality. Well ok, the part about gender stereotypes has to do with male/female, but those can go die alone in the woods because they're about as useful as a nipple-less cow during an Oreo rainstorm. If you have an outgoing personality, make the first move if you feel it's appropriate. Yes, I understand that it's not as satisfying as having the other person do it first, but the sooner the ice is broken, the sooner you get to the playoffs in tonsil hockey.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - @MrTrololo@xanga - Love your thread :D
@Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato@xanga - @lovelycrazycoconut@xanga - @ccccourage@xanga - @You're not the only one - I dont think its about gender norms in the end, but about A) Wanting to feel wanted and B) Ensuring that you're both equally interested in each other.
So... maybe the thing that is missing from this conversation is communication! Idk, I guess I feel like all relationship questions boil down to a need for clear communication of feelings :P
@mcmeister89@mancouch - Lol, thanks for addressing the article! I actually wrote it mainly out of embarrassment about my "random act of attraction," so thanks for making me feel less silly!
I think you SHOULD make the first move.
Just ... maybe words first.
Well at least you're embarassed. You shouldn't be attacking anyone with your face. I date respectful guys, and I'm also a fire sign (Sagittarius) and have absolutely no issue with men being afraid to make the first move. In fact, they move too quickly (yes even the shy and sweet ones) because they know if they wait too long, someone else can come in and move quicker and they will lose me.
If a guy wants you, he will make the move. Don't be desperate.