Wednesday, 10 October 2012
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Tricks for Seducing Women!
Are you having trouble getting the girl of your dreams? Of course you are. Why? 'Cause you're not me. Well, my failing friend, I have good news and bad news. The BAD news is that you will never be me. The GOOD news is that I'm a brilliant lover, and can give you a few tips to get you going in the right direction. Let's get started.1) Girls Like Assholes
That's right. Nothing gets a girl's heart pounding more than an asshole. So, here's what you do. The next time you see a beautiful little tart on the street, walk up to her, pull down your pants, spread your butt cheeks, and show that lady your asshole! For extra impact, you can draw an arrow on each of your ass cheeks pointing right to the hole.
Now, she may seem offended at first and walk away; perhaps, even run. That's okay. You just wiggle your way down the street screaming, "Look at it! You look at it now!" Believe me; you chase her down for a couple blocks, and her heart will be putty in your hands!
2) Girls Love Bad Boys
Believe me, the rumor is true. But don't take my word for it, try it out yourself! Next time you pick up a girl for a date, instead of bringing her flowers, bring her a brick. Ring the door bell, and when she opens up the door, hit her right in the fucking face with that brick. Not TOO hard, though. Just enough to confuse her. Now that you have her all dazed and punchy, tie her up and rob her ass blind! Wave a gun around too... if you have one.
Spray paint her walls, break some shit, and log onto her computer and illegally download some music! Yeah! Now you're rollin' like a bad boy, baby! This girl is gonna love you like sunshine!
3) Play Hard to Get
Everyone knows that a woman wants what she can't have! If a woman thinks you are "unattainable" she will be all over you. How do you give off the impression that you are unattainable? Worry not! This process is easy like Sunday morning! Simply buy a ticket to Peru, purchase 25 kilos of hardcore, uncut Peruvian black tar heroin, tape the heroin on the outside of your clothing, go to the nearest airport, then attempt to walk through customs.
At that point, the friendly customs personnel will take care of the rest! Before you know it, you will be so far off the fucking grid, Carmen San Diego will be wondering where in the world YOU are! Talk about unattainable! Her panties well be DRIPPING like Niagara fucking Falls for you! And, the more time you spend locked away in a Peruvian prison, getting ass raped and sucking cock for cigarettes, the STRONGER her desire for you will grow! How AMAZING does THAT sound?
Alright, winners. I'm afraid I have given you all the help I can. I would love to keep going, but I need to keep a few tricks of the trade for myself. I have faith in you. Take this information, give it your own little spin, and you will find that in no time at all YOU TOO can be a smooth, slick lady killer just like me. Best of luck!
So what do you think, ladies? Pretty phenomenal advice, right?
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- From: amateurprose@xanga
- Name: Johnny
- About Me: Im unique just like everybody else.
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Comments (31)
Congratulations. You fucking win at Datingish.
You had me at asshole.. ;P
This is how things should be.
Great ideas on how to attract women; How to keep them is another story
the best.
If you don't tattoo the arrows on your ass cheeks, women can see right through your pretentiousness. REAL women only want REAL badass assholes, got it? I swear I don't even know why guys try to figure women out.
4. Make a facetious entry on datingish to make women laugh....oh wait. That's actually good advice lol
5. Tell her she's fat.
you are clearly a horrible, horrible person for teaching men these effective but completely immoral tactics for getting laid. shame on you.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - hahaha i loled at this. i stopped trying years ago to figure out the underlying logic, and instead just tried to figure out what got results. kind of breaks my heart, because with everything else in life, i usually want to know why something works, too :(
to get one? maybe so. to keep one? maybe not.
Sadly the basics are right. The details, not so much.
This post make me chuckle. I get that it's supposed to be a joke, but I chuckled because some people would see this kind of post and say to themselves, "Oh really? Now I get it!"
Now if you are a guy in college and you are trying to find out who you are and you just want to sleep around a bunch to get some notches in your belt, this advice will work. You may even get some fairly attractive women to fall for the gag.
But if you want to find a woman, and I mean someone who knows who she is and is true to who she is and is confident with who she is and what she wants, then you're going to have to employ a completely different strategy. And what is that? Get past the kiddie stage where you are trying to put notches in your belt, know who you are, be true to who you are, be confident with who you are, and be clear about what you want in a relationship. That won't get you many girls, but it will get you noticed by women.
It's the difference between immaturity and maturity. Good luck with the opposite sex.
love this.
Girls also likes guys who tell them the kitchen is the woman's place and she needs to get it in . They really love when you smack em on the ass and say, "You've got a meaty ass". Ooh ohh, I almost forgot, they love when you say, "Hay is for horses but hot dogs are for hungry girls. You Hungry?".
you're at the right place at the right time. I happen to have an enema ready just for you!
I got my doctorate's degree online. I also interned at online hospitals. you are in good hands
this post is hilarious...
IT MUST BE TRUE.
Peru, here I come!
are you kidding me.
This is super funny I think that it shows just how silly dating advice is getting on the internet, keep up the good work.
I know spray painting their little dogs rainbow colors works, but dude you can be my wing man any day...
You forgot being a mooch and being needy so they will have a project or cause to work on.
You keep em going that way.
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