My story starts back in 2008. I was in broadcasting school looking to get a degree that would allow me to break into the radio business. While there, I met and worked with a young woman that was also in my class. I immediately thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on. Just by looking at her, I assumed that her and I would have next to nothing in common; but boy was I wrong!
Towards the end of our time in class, we started talking and I was very shocked to find out that we had tons in common. I finally got up enough courage to ask her if she wanted to hang out. Once again, I was shocked when she said, "Yes."
Before I knew it the class was over with, and we were all on our own to look for work. I haven't kept in touch with many people from the class since. I did some color work for a college basketball team with a guy from the class and I worked videography at a wedding with another, but she's the only person I've hung out with from the class. She's also the only person from the class that I've done something with since.
We've talked pretty recently. On holidays, like New Years, it can sometimes get a bit weird. On New Years a few years ago, she told me that we should get married, since we have so much in common. The New Years after that she was very flirty again, as her text was full of "x's" and "o's." I'm a smart guy, and realize a drunk text when I see one. But I wonder if those texts, in particular, were full of hidden truths that she would not tell me unless she were a bit tipsy.
Well, in June of 2011, I found that I had a text from her. When I read it I could have been bowled over by a feather: she was pregnant. Not only that, but she told me that the guy who was the father of the baby was someone she worked with, and that when he found out she would not have an abortion, he left her.
I was supportive and always there for her during this time and we were talking almost daily. On Christmas Eve I sent her a text wishing her a merry Christmas. I didn't get an answer until a few days later when she told me that she had given birth on Christmas Eve.
We continued talking, and continued hanging out. The asshole who left her made her and her son get a DNA test to verify that the kid was his, and she asked me to go to that with her. Every time I'm with her things just feel... right. I wish I could explain it better, but things just feel right when I'm around her. We have so much in common, and think the same way about a bunch of things.
I don't want to be melodramatic, but I've wondered if we're soulmates, if such a thing is real. Whenever I drop her off and leave her house, I feel something hanging in the air. It's so thick I can cut it with a knife. Yet here I am, not knowing what to do.
We have such an amazing friendship, and I don't want to mess that up. I also can no longer ignore these feelings that I have for her. As you can tell, she's had trouble with men in the past. I could go into other examples of men from her past who have lied to her about all kinds of things. One man was carrying on a relationship with her while he was married. Another one was cheating on her on the weekends.
She's had trouble with men, and it is completely justified that she has trust issues. I've tried to be there for her; to show her that I'm different from those guys. I don't know if she sees it or not, I just know that I think she's amazing. She's smart, funny, completely gorgeous, and I don't know what she'd see in a guy like me. There's the catch. We're great friends, but I can't think of a reason why she'd want anything more than a friendship with me. That scares me to no end.
I don't want to ruin a friendship just because I want more than a friendship. At the same time, I don't want to miss out on a potentially great relationship we could have just because I'm afraid to say something.
Do you guys have any advice?
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Comments (23)
You've been in the friend zone for at least two years then? Move on.
This girl sounds like she's using you because she has no one else she wants. Notice how she turns to you when she needs something from you...not a real friendship. I wouldn't make someone a priority who only makes me an option.
You were wrong about her feelings before. It's entirely possible you're wrong about her feelings again. From the sounds of it, you treat her well and you connect at least enough to maintain a long-term friendship. That's relationship material, IMO.
Don't overthink it. Tell her your feelings, and, if it's true, tell her that even if she doesn't reciprocate them, you'll still be her friend. That puts the ball in her court and you won't perpetually be stuck wondering "what if?"
Just tell her how you feel. You'll always regret it if you don't.
I think if she really liked you she would've said something by now, but that doesn't necessarily mean she can't develop feelings for you. I've heard several stories where two people were really good/best friends at first and it turned into a great bf/gf relationship. Actually, my brother and sister-in-law were great friends for four years before she ever tried seeing him that way. They've now been together for 10 years.
I would suggest seeing if she wouldn't mind dating you for a little while to see if anything could come of it. Try not to put too much pressure, and try to hang out with just a more romantic feel to it (pay for the first few dinners, compliment her, be playful, etc). Maybe she will be receptacle, after all she's dated quit a few assholes and a true blue guy would be a breath of fresh air.
You're worried about ruining the friendship, but chances are you will always want more. Why torture yourself?
She doesn't sound at all like a catch to me, but more like a pretty sack of burden lol. If you truly want to endure and support her baggage, then you should definitely make a move. She has a baby on the way and will most likely be looking for financial and emotional support.
Just tell her how you feel.
@Edeline_Wrigh@xanga - What she said.
Tell her how you feel. At least that way, you can look back and say you tried.
Good luck!
Omg. Say something! What are you waiting for? Her to get pregnant to some OTHER guy?! Just do it.
I think the time for you to make your move has come and gone. Sounds like there could have been something there 2 years ago, but you let yourself get friend zoned, and dude that get friend zoned have very little chance of making it out of that zone.
Tell her. If she says she doesn't have romantic feelings for you, then move on. It sounds like she totally friend-zoned you and doesn't want more. I mean, come on, she dated a liar (married guy), and an idiot (dna guy), but not you? Maybe you should develop a fault, then she'll see you're the perfect guy for her.
Either way, good luck.
what the?? it sounds like you've had a thing going all along... why do you think you're in the friend zone?
This post confuses me.
I think you will regret not telling her. People aren't "friends forever", especially in their adult lives with the opposite sex...she will move on someday and you will be an old friend. That being said, I think maybe you're inflating the value of your friendship because you're scared of losing her altogether if you try to get more serious with her and things don't work out. I realize I sound completely discouraging up to this point, but my main point is that you should try. She has some hefty baggage and you still want her--you should try, period. The cliche about "don't risk the friendship" is nonsense.
I don't know for the life of me WHY people think it's so wrong to start out in the "friend zone." Starting off as friends is not a bad thing! I think there's a greater chance of success by starting out that way. You learn more about each other and how compatible you really are -- likes/dislikes, common interests, etc.
With that said...you seem to care a great deal about her. And you must be incredibly important to her if she feels she can confide in you about certain things. I definitely say you should have a sit down chat with this girl while you still can ;o)
My husband was in the friendzone for about 3 years if am recalling right but he stuck by me even when I said no to dating him. ( I had issues at the time) He told me he asked me out about 3 times. Two I didn't quite hear right and he assumed I had said no. lol Just have to take a leap of faith and hope she will want to be friends still if she says no. Just have to act normal if she says no. If you guys mesh really well then it won't ruin a friendship
I was friends with my husband for almost 2 years before we started dating. In that time, I ended up in the same situation as your friend- pregnant with someone else's kid, he found out I wouldn't abort and hotfooted it as far away as he could get. My future husband, whom I'd been texting for support through the whole fiasco with my son's bio dad, came to visit for my birthday about 5 months after my son was born. We haven't spent more than 4 days apart since. Even when we were first dating after that fateful birthday visit and we lived 4 hours apart.
Now we are happily married, and him, my son and I are the happiest family I know. If you have strong feelings for this girl, and you've met her child and think you can take that on and love the baby too, you should DEFINITELY give it a try. One of the greatest gifts my husband gave me is that he loves me despite my baggage- and he loves our son like his own and has a great relationship with him, embracing that he is our son because he IS dad, despite the genetics. Loving her and being the loving "dad you didn't have to be" could be the most amazing gift she will ever get.
Some comments say she's not interested in you because she hasn't mentioned anything and you've been in the "friend zone" for two years - that's a completely unfounded conclusion, in my opinion. First of all, plenty of people have feelings for others that they don't express for a number of years; you would know, since you are one of those people. Second of all, even if she does have feelings for you, she has a lot of new stuff going on. If I were in her position, I doubt I would have made a move, either. It sounds like you're someone she trusts, since she contacted you after a time of not talking (?) to tell you that she was pregnant and the baby's father left her, and you were the one she felt comfortable with when she went to have the DNA test. Your support might be very important to her, and she might not be willing to risk losing that for a relationship (since she might have a bitter taste for relationships, anyway).
If you're at the point where you feel you have to do something about it, then do. Tell her you think she's beautiful and amazing, and you're sorry for what men have done to her in the past. And also tell her even if she only wants to be friends, you still do want to be friends, and you want to be there for her.
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