This post was submitted by Lindzi.
One of my best friends thought that my guy friend might like me, but I blew it off not thinking it could possibly be true. I didn't really want it to be true because I'm confident in saying that I only see him as a friend and I've had friendships suffer before because of feelings that weren't mutual. He and I have two classes together (we're in high school) and every day we walk from the first class to the next one together.
Today, as we walked together, he asked me to go to a movie with him later in the week and I said "okay" because I was caught off guard. Minutes after, I regretted it because I don't want to go on a date with him and he probably got the wrong impression of my feelings for him.
I know that I've created a complicated and awkward situation for both of us but I really want to try to remain friends. A painful conversation is probably inevitable which freaks me out because I'm so uncomfortable with confrontation. Right now, I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if I should reject him now or go and then hint at just staying friends.
Would it be a bad idea to go and invite some mutual friends?
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Comments (15)
You don't need to have a conversation with him at all or give him a rejection notice. First thing you say when you see him that night is, "Thanks for inviting me! I didn't have plans and hanging out with a friend is much better than staying home." Guys hear the word "friend" and they usually know where they sit: as the nice guy you don't want to date. Also, don't let him buy the tickets or any snacks. Buy your own.
If he tries any funny business just tell him that you'd like things to stay the way they are.
^ "You don't need to have a conversation with him at all or give him a rejection notice."
Yeah... you do. Females take advantage of the fact (and often require) that they are first friends with males before dating them. There is absolutely no reason he should expect you to be uninterested and 'just a friend' if you wouldn't expect someone you're interested in to expect the same from you.
From a comment of mine on the Datingish post before this one:
"...if you believe you have a responsibility to others don't project (to give 'someone') what you can't expect (to receive from that individual) otherwise you're passing your responsibility off to someone else... "
In this case you are passing your responsibility off onto him if you don't already have a boyfriend or already want to be with a particular individual. He is doing nothing wrong by asking you on a date.
I've said it before: Males and females should be friendly to each other... not friends (unless they plan on being celibate). Either accept that he is interested in a romantic relationship with you and allow one to progress or stop being friends with him (i.e. grow up).
I have no female friends IRL (by choice) because of bullshit like this.
"See, some fools slipped up and overstepped they boundaries
You 'bout to catch a cold, stay the fuck from 'round me
Ya peeps talkin' 'bout 'what kinda shit's he on?'
If either myself or a female is interested in a romantic relationship and we're not in a romantic relationship, we are not friends.
"...disappear like, poof, bitch be gone"
http://youtu.be/-EvQTBrxCco
- Dr. Datingish
to all the guys out there: this is why you never, ever, ever ask a girl out in person. she will have a knee-jerk reaction that she always regrets later.
@Kuai_le1010@xanga - wow, this is terrible fucking advice. how about instead of being passive aggressive, she just say what she wants, e.g. "hey i'm happy to go to the movie with you, but i just want to make sure it's just as friends." no fake excuses, no beating around the bush.
the world would be a much better place if more people were like me.
Don't invite other people. Just tell him you just want to be friends and going to the movies is just two friends hanging out. If you know this guy likes you, but you don't feel the same way, don't let him keep thinking that you feel the same way he does. How would you feel if it were the other way around? You would expect him to have the decency to tell you that he only wants to be friends. He will get over it.
Just text him and be like, "I'm sorry but I can't go to the movies with you, I just want to be friends. I think you're a really nice guy" and list good qualities about him.
no painful confrontation and you get it out of the way.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I don't see that as beating around the bush. I think it's a much better way of helping the guy save face than getting to the movie and having the girl you like say, "Oh yeah. I don't like you." I have heard guys say this so if it's terrible fucking advice, blame my guy friends.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - So would you rather the girl embarrass you for asking her out by either telling you up front so that there's an awkwardness the whole time, or after the movie when the whole time you think there's a chance because you asked her out on a date, she accepted, and then after it all says, "We need to talk"...the four most dreaded words.
Or would you rather spend a nice evening with a girl who says, "thanks for being a friend." and leaves it at that?
@Kuai_le1010@xanga - the idea is that she'd tell him ahead of time. and there's no question about saving face, it's not like she's supposed to do it in front of all their friends...
You just need to explain to him that you're not interested in dating him but aren't sure if he meant as a date or as friends. If he hasn't told you that he likes you, it's not fair to go on what others have said either. Don't ever say "okay" in a situation like this again, you are protecting only your own feelings. Do not invite friends as that would be really, really rude. Good luck!!
@Kuai_le1010@xanga - What this person said.
Tell him in advance that you just want to be friends. Make sure he knows you don't want to date him so that he doesn't try anything and you don't have to reject him in public.
Uhhh...no. Do not listen to the first comment. That is immature and rude. I had a hard time telling a guy in my chemistry class that I only want to be friends, but I did it. And although, it was/is awkward, at least I gave a clear idea of what I want, which is nothing. Don't leave him guessing or hoping. Even if you hint at a guy that they're friendzoned, sometimes they're far too gone to listen to any subtle hints. Lay it out straight, so neither of you wastes any time over this. Take it from fellow high school girl.
Just pay for your ticket and popcorn, hang out, and have fun. At the end of the night, give him a fistbump and say "We should do this again sometime, buddy."
Come on, people. The first comment is the only sensible approach for anyone who doesn't live in a daytime talk show. Why don't we just overanalyze every romantically ambiguous situation and then have dramatic heart-to-hearts in which we lay out, in excruciating detail, the type of feelings we currently have (or do not have) for the other person in the hope of clearing up any perceived misunderstanding that the other person might have? Because there are more subtle ways to communicate things without embarrassing ourselves and ruining relationships. If she's just completely wrong and his intentions were platonic all along, wouldn't it be nice to find that out subtly rather than freaking out on someone? And most guys would rather be rejected in a way that allows them to save face and play it cool. That's exactly what the first comment allows the guy to do. What would really be weird is if she turned down his movie offer under the assumption that it meant more than it really did. Which leads me to , . ,
@T3hZ10n@xanga - Complete double standard. The least HE can do is tell her that he has feelings for her and ask if she feels the same way. He's the one making the move! It's not HER responsibility to clear up the ambiguity that HE created. So if anyone needs to "clear things up" it's HIM. But my guess is, he prefers to keep things a little ambiguous to feel her out a little before laying his heart on the line. Because if she happens to say something like, oh I don't know, "thanks for inviting me, I didn't have plans and hanging out with a FRIEND is much better than sitting at home," he'll get the hint that it's not going anywhere and be in a position to back off without creating an awkward situation. (Note the word "gracious" in the title.)
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Speaking of terrible fucking advice . . . to all the guys out there who listen to this idiot: that's why you never, ever, ever get laid.
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - I agree with this. Since you acted without thinking first, you're going to have to move slightly outside of the comfort zone to set things straight. I think setting things straight is the only way to be fair