Saturday, 06 October 2012
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LGBT Curiosity and Me
I believe it was Yerxa, from 1 Girl 5 Gays, who said, "If you don't know your sexuality by the time you are 30, then you will never know." All I know is that when I was in my youth, I spent plenty of time trying to clear the air with myself.Someone on my post "What Usher Meant By 'Not Enough Men'" wrote that they don't get what I meant by my differentiating between being bi and turning bi. I explained that it must have been my no-nonsense behavior in figuring out who you are, what you like and how to go about it. Here is what I believed: As soon as you get your first few thrusts of your penis or the first time you get wet, not only do you start to come into your own as a sexual being, but you know who you like.
You can come to terms with it, deny it, or whatever, but you know damn well who you are and what you like. At least, I think you should by that time.Anyway, this kind of thinking gravitated to when I was around... 16 or 17 and two teenage men, who identified themselves as gay, came over to my high school. One of them said that he always kind of knew, but continued having sex with women or had a girlfriend to keep up appearances of whom people thought he was. I don't know what this meant to the rest of my school peers, but it did get me wondering if I had any homosexual tendencies.
Immediately, was as good a time as any, to figure yourself out before unleashing yourself onto the world. After all, I thought it was incredibly dangerous and foolish to dismiss it and say you are simply straight just because you like women, when there is a possibility of there also being something more. You know? That's how I think we got to the "down low" phenomenon.I walked away with nothing more than the ability to simply say, "Whatever I am is what I am. Whatever I like is what I like. If you don't like it, you know exactly what you can do." I never thought too hard about it and I never struggled over it because it was what it was.
Anyway, this ability to search myself, quickly embrace what I find and keep on stepping has saved me a life of misery, fear and jealousy over the matters. I've also saved the heartbreak of those I've dated and the cheating out of my own identity. Never did I have to sneak around a gender to be curious about it. Never did I have to threaten someone using sexuality.
I just embraced who I was: A guy who likes women and openly had an attraction to transgendered women as well (they call that being pansexual, but since I am not sexually attracted to, for the lack of a less loaded term, "real" men, I'm not entirely sure if it fits) and if no one liked it--oh well!Isn't a bit of punk rock influence on your personality nice?
This ability to simply research who I was and deal with what I found is probably why I am so "no-nonsense" about how people should know what they like and who they are. When one woman says they no longer like men and move to women, I say if you still like men sexually, you are either bisexual or pansexual. Point blank.
If you hadn't figured out who you are by now, you will probably never figure it out.
Have you gone through a similar process?
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Comments (11)
I had myself figured out by the age of 6. Most little girls, sooner then that.
Most sexual confusion is caused by the intense media and educational propaganda that floods our consciousness 24/7 with the lie that homosexuality, bisexuality and transgender are normal.
The next time you are among a crowd of people it will become obvious that human nature is male and female. It is also obvious that male and female are different from one another.
Those who advocate normalizing the sexual disorders of homosexuality, bisexuality and transgender are asking everyone to deny the obvious: gender identity, male and female and gender difference, male is different from female.
They are asking us to deny our human nature. It is in denying what we are that we become confused.
I'm mainly sexually attracted to men; both straight and some gay men. I just love tall, lean, toned men whether they are gay or straight or bi,etc.
Not quite to your degree, but yes, I've had to figure things out over the past year.
I knew in Kindergarten when I got my first crush and it was on a girl. It wasn't until I was a little bit older that I became aware of the fact that it wasn't common practice to have crushes on both boys and girls.
I have spent my whole life from that point trying to bring awareness to gay rights. Though I eat, sleep, and work, I don't think there is a moment where on some level I'm not thinking about equality. It's on almost every open and out person's mind.
Through my work, I've gained an even bigger picture of the world that helped me to come to terms with my gender and physical sex identity, something I didn't even know was a real problem until only a couple of years ago.
I had always said that I didn't know how people could go through life being so unaware of being queer in some way, but it really hit me like a ton of bricks when I finally realized that a ton of inner conflict stemmed from my previously unknown gender identity issues.
Going through a second "coming out" was much harder than the first, and I got a real taste of what it's like to come out as an adult. I'm still not out, except to two people, one of which isn't even in my life anymore.
It seems to me that gender identity is the harder of the two "queers" to accept and have accepted socially, even in the LGBTQ community. There are plenty of people in the group that still refuse to believe in the presence of bisexual people. I find it hard to believe these people would also understand someone who is gender-queer in a very non-conforming way (not the traditional MtF or FtM).
If it's not black and white, sometimes it doesn't exist to some people.
I place no more significance on identifying my sexuality than I place on identifying an obscure food craving. I'm totally carefree when it comes to who/what I want and I don't give a damn what other people think or how they would judge me... and yet I'm completely straight. I'm so straight, in-fact, others might easily mistake me for being morally conservative based on my seeming abstinence, but the truth is I am so sexually liberal that I outgrew my "curiosity" before ever really being "curious" in that way in the first place. I like to think I'm strange but the more open I am about what I want the less I seem to want to deviate. Taboos lead to fetishes. I'm one of the lucky few that happens to be as unrestrained in fantasy as I am in real life. Alas, nature isn't going to produce an individual that finds the majority of people extremely sexually attractive nor will it give me a break simply because what I crave is simplicity and normality... nay, it would maintain balance by making my true sexual orientation hopeless romantic.
i've pretty much always known that i was straight. i had my first crush on a boy in 1st grade. i've never had a crush on a girl. not interested! this actually singles me out from a lot of my friends. many of them are bi.
hmm... I consider myself a lesbian, but I've dated mostly guys in the past and my current (and first) girlfriend is transgender.
yeah, I don't know. labels normally don't work. I just know that I don't want to date men.
I was told from a very young age that there were gay people in the world and that it was fine to be gay. Some people are just born that way.
As I grew up, a surprising number of people confessed to me in secret, that they were concerned they were gay or bisexual.....
So many people were confused by their sexual identity that I began to wonder if I was abnormal that I am only attracted to women.
But there it is, I'm attracted to women, and I would feel no shame in admitting it if it were otherwise.
This ends up making me particularly concerned about equal treatment for the LBTGQ community.
I just imagine if there was a social rule requiring me to date men, when I only find women attractive. That would be a serious damper to my ability to seek fulfillment in life.
I don't imagine I could choose to find men attractive no matter how hard I tried.
So when someone says that being gay is a choice, I tend to really think that they are gay or bisexual underneath it all.
I couldn't stop being "straight" if I tried.
How could someone think someone could stop, if they themselves don't feel like it's a choice?
I have undergone a lot of soul-searching on my "who am I sexually?" quest. As a younger girl I understood that there were people who liked the opposite sex, and people who liked the same sex, but for me that was all I knew. I'd had crushes on girls and hadn't even realized it because I didn't think that was possible - because I'd had crushes on boys too! But by the time I got to highschool I finally discovered the term "bisexual", and thats how I felt comfortable labeling myself.
And by labeling myself bisexual, I treated it as, "I just have feelings for people and their gender doesn't determine that". This past year I became really good friends with a pansexual guy, and it made me realize thats how I more appropriately feel. Guy, girl, girl with guy bits, guy with girl bits, doesn't matter. I don't care one way or another whether or not you call yourself a guy or girl or what parts you have, if I love you, I love you.
So I am totally genderless in terms of love. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't sexually prefer women. Don't get me wrong, guys are great and all, especially my current boyfriend, but when it comes down to it I prefer womens' bodies and I have really pitiful taste in guys. I don't like 'em all manly and muscle-y. My taste in men is pretty off-the-wall, not-so-manly men.
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