Thursday, 04 October 2012
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Friend Request Accepted
Now hold on, before you moan, "Not another Facebook topic," I don't think this direct topic about Facebook has been discussed before. We've talked about getting dumped on Facebook, etc. and the relationship status, showing affection or not on Facebook, but what about being rejected and/or approved to be friends on the list in the first place before any of the other Facebook drama happens?Facebook may not seem like a big deal to some people, but it is for those who frequently use it, whether they like to admit this or not.
Whenever you meet someone new and after a night of fun, isn't it your first instinct to get their number but also search for them on Facebook? Doesn't it irk you when people claim that they supposedly "don't" have Facebook but then you search them and their name plus default profile picture is obviously right there?
Or how about they say they never get on it much but their page is public and you can see constant activity on it?
It's a great way to see if they're telling the truth about being single or not. One time I met a guy at the bar who acted like he was into me. When I added him on Facebook and he actually accepted, I saw he was in a relationship with this girl. Or better yet, they tell you to friend request them, and it takes them a "long" time to approve it and then they don't approve it at all yet they tell you to call them?Being Facebook approved/denied to me determines whether or not I should call a person. If someone denied my friend request but gave me their number, I wouldn't call them to hang out after that. If you're friends with me in person, why not online, too?
What do you think about Facebook rejection/approval? Do you talk to people in person who have denied you?
On the flip-side, I try not to add people I dislike/don't talk to. I hate Facebook. I wish I weren't so addicted to it.
Has anyone ever lied to you and said they don't have a Facebook, yet you searched them found it?
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- From: xinq@xanga
- About Me: Do not expect me to "respect" your views, if/when you don't do the same in return.
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Comments (35)
in their defense, i wouldn't want to friend some skank i met at the club either.
*so* glad i'm not on fb. i hear so much drama related to it (mostly through d-ish, lol) that makes me never want to get involved with it ever again.
my fb account is open to everyone, I don't meet epople at bars and stuff but still I accept people from work, school, family, xanga, and every game i play on fb or out of it :P
Measure a person by what they do with their social media, not whether they have it or not. I don't use facebook, but don't let that stop me from becoming friends with those who do. I use Xanga, but don't let that stop me from beccoming friends with those who prefer blogger or wordpress. Now people who use datingish! Don't even get me started on them.
Fair being fair -- a "friend" in Facebook is someone who merely has access to your wall, photos and what not -- which are items subjected to privacy; a phone number is merely contact means.
You shouldn't be so dense in thinking a person to not be worth your while simply because they give you his/her phone number but does not accept your friend request when you've just met the person. Aren't you -- yourself -- cautious with people you just met?
Personally, I hide my profile from being searchable. I also have different privacy levels for different "friends" on Facebook.
@xXDC_luyouXx - True, but like you say though they can always limit who sees what on my profile if they are concerned about the new person. What ticks me off about the guy that rejected me though, is that he has over 1700 friends and I highly doubt that he knows all of them yet he picks and chooses a select few to deny as though it boosts his ego or something. I figured he would have added me back and one more friend wouldn't matter since he has so many already. I actually limit people I don't know but I still accept their requests, they just can't see most of my info.
By basically rejecting me on facebook I take that as a way of people childishly saying they don't want to get to know me. I just always viewed it as that.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Yep! it's definitely caused a lot of drama, lol. there was a mnbc special on "The Facebook Obsession" with interviews from all the facebook ppl even the real winklevoss twins. they were portrayed by armie hammer in the movie, but dang they are good looking in real life, too, ha.
No, that has not happened to me.. But the 'defriending' and refusing to friend on FB...it's sickening. I don't like it.
People take the internet way too seriously. I have 170 friends on Facebook and sometimes I think that's too much. People have 600+ friends on there and there's no WAY they speak to all those people on a regular basis. I have my family and close friends on there, not every Tom, Dick and Harry that I've ever met.
for my fb friends, I have just over a thousand, most of people I met throughout my life, some I met from other social media sites like Xanga, some from online games, etc, but most of them I know, so for friends request, I don't readily accept.
For me, if I had met you the night before and we're connected through mutual friends, I probably would accept after meeting you some more and getting more impressions of you cause we would eventually have more chances to see each other so no need to push it (pushing it sounds too desperate). if it seems like this may be the only chance that we'll meet, then depends on that first impression, I may accept.
you may addicted to fb but to one extreme, you seem to really want to connect with people but can't accept that maybe they really aren't worth your time.
@tictact0e0@xanga - He may know them all but I highly doubt he still keeps in contact with all of them. Having someone who you never talk to on there I think is just as pointless as adding someone that just met kinda randomly. I only try adding people I still keep in touch with, from far away I talk to on a somewhat regular basis and people I want to get to know that live near me, that's why I tried adding him because he only lives around the corner from me.
He kept telling my friend how he was interested to know more about me, too because we both share a passion of playing musical instruments. He told me at his apartment party that he wanted me to come over and play my violin/piano with him and his singing guitar sometime. After he left me hanging friend request pending, I didn't bother to call him. Plus, if he was really interested in me he would have been the one to call me as he has my number, too. It's been a month since the party. I simply can't stand people who act interested the night they meet someone then don't even put in the efforts to get to know them more. Oh well, I just take it maybe he already has a group of friends he hangs out with and he doesn't want a new person to "ruin" or "change" the atmosphere.
Basing things off of whether they lied or not, sure... but some people actually want to already know somebody well before adding them.
@xinq@xanga -
Respectfully, you sound a bit inexperienced with the real world.
The norm is that people not interested in you won't put in that extra effort to tell you they are not interested -- for your benefit -- so that you can simply move on; the norm is that after a while of not contacting you, you're *suppose* to take the hint that you should move on.
Also, it's not mentally healthy to stalk [or even FB stalk] someone because you can possibly become reaction-possessive (i.e. 1700 fb friends and he doesn't add me?!?!?! what the hell????).
I have gone through exactly what you have gone through; in time, it became that it no longer fazes me when nothing further happens after meeting someone. Just move on.
If this is really about the 1 guy & you're generalizing this the whole fb request ordeal (w/ probably a couple other similar experiences you witnessed but not have mentioned), then it seems like you had an expectation from this guy, causing you to feel the way you do when your expectation wasn't met. Sure he says the things he said to your friends & has lots of friends on fb but how did you both approach each other to make a connection? Does it seem like you're trying to hard & he's not? Does it seem like he got scared away? Does he stalk you the way you seem to be stalking him? (I got this impression that you may have stalked his fb page to understand why he hasn't respond yet, so if that's not the case, then that previous statement does not apply but you can hold my words against me none the less). If this is about this 1 guy, maybe you're trying to hard & should let it go.
If this is something that constantly happens w/ other people you try to request as friends then what types of people are they? What is your approach to make the connection, as in your attitude & action? Do you allow for these people to request you as a friend 1st? How much do you understanding do you have for these people that you're trying to connect w/?
Overall, it seems like you got an impression that someone would like to connect w/ you so you put out a request but you find the request ignored or maybe even rejected so you place these people at fault. Does this seem like a generalized statement of your overall point? The words here can be interpreted as harsh & erroneous so feel Freetown correct me.
@xXDC_luyouXx - I don't consider it stalking since people see whatever information out there is what they have willfully put out. If they didn't want the public to see their friends list or anything else then they should hide it. Yes, I have had common occurrences where I meet someone and thought they'd like to be friends but just left the request pending, as though they have something to hide on their profiles. Even after hanging out a couple of times and talking in class it took them a loong time to accept it, and after when class ended this other d-bag ended up deleting me since we didn't really talk outside of class, although occasionally I would run into him when I was out. It turns out he was seeing someone at the time. I just don't understand why they can't flat out say they're seeing someone instead of stringing people along and stuff. I've pretty much dealt with almost every dating experience except for being pregnant, marriage, etc. You're right though, these might not be the type of people I'd want to hang with anyway if they did that.
@tictact0e0@xanga - They wouldn't be able to find me on facebook because I use my Chinese name instead of the English name that everyone knows me by. In fact, in another instance I had met a guy on the train he had my phone number, I ended up calling him first to hang out pre-facebook friend on a bored day, and he asked if I had facebook because he tried to search me (different guy), and I said yes but it was my Chinese name so he couldn't find it, we ended up friending each other and are still friends. I dunno what is with people I'm just glad one guy I met finally gets it that I'm just looking for friends. There was this girl I have never met before she friend requested me but I accepted because she knows both my roommates and I ended up running into her that same day.
FB is just a tool I use to help coordinate trips and share funny/interesting links to articles or videos. I don't take it personally when someone does or does not friend me on FB because it's not really that important. I will say that being a climber, it's really cool to have friends on FB because then you can share pics and videos of your latest climbing trip with the climbing community.
I have searched for friends online after hanging out with them a couple times--the friends of friends. Other than that, no big deal. If I "friend" the person and they don't, I wouldn't make it personal. Social media has its pros and cons, but the relationship that matters most to me is the real relationship I have with the person IN PERSON. And, of course, the relationship dynamic you have with a person you became friends through blogs and such, it is different.
It may seem cool to have a lot of friends online on Facebook, but in my experience, lots of those new people you don't know well may post a lot, and things you do not agree with. In which case, it is better to have fewer Facebook friends.
@babybug329@xanga - You have a good point, however, I'd think if this is a person that I come to eventually date I'd like for him to be on my friends list. Though it didn't get that far, just a hypothetically situation. I'd think there would be something wrong if two people who are dating in real life don't have each other on facebook and they can easily hide that they are "cheating" on each other since they don't have their SO on their page. I used to think that it only mattered what happened in person, too, but if it's someone I'm intimate with, I'd like to have them online as a friend, too.
@xinq@xanga - If it is someone you want to get to know better on a more intimate level, if there is no "friending" on Facebook, it may or may not raise a red flag.
@xinq@xanga -
ni shuo shenme?
Really, if it's hard for them to find you, then
that's fine they can't request you as a friend first, so we can scratch
that. On to the rest regarding your approach. The intentions with my
questions are for you to look into your approach, and then think about
the people that you're trying to make the connection with. It seems
like some people that you tend to request as friends are people you met
in person first. If this is the case, how do you make a connection with
them? What do you understand about them when you're making that
connection with them from the first time? What do they understand about
you or do you feel that they understand about you or how do you intend
to portray yourself for them to see?
Some may feel the same with
you and voila! you have a connection. But what about the ones that
don't see things your way when it comes to making a connection? Or what
if there was something you inadvertently did or something about you
that you can't control that set them up for them to reject or ignore
your friends request? Everyone's different.
For with the guy were
you trying to friend on FB. Maybe you felt you made a good connection
with him in person when you first met him. Then you go to add him on
FB. From there, could be various things. 1) Maybe he felt you were
cool at first, but then saw your FB, disliked it, and ignored your
friends request; 2) Maybe he was just being nice to you but didn't
really connect with you as you may have thought, so when he saw your
friends request, he just left it there, not sure what to do; 3) Maybe he
thought you were cool, but confused you with someone else that he
didn't think was cool so he ignored your friends request; 4) Maybe he
didn't think you were cool but at the same time, he could be a jerk, so
he intentionally led you on for his own amusement; 5) etc.
So
having put out there some thoughts for you to think about, back to the
same question: how do you make a connection with them? What do you
understand about
them when you're making that connection with them from the first time?
What do they understand about you or do you feel that they understand
about you or how do you intend to portray yourself for them to see?
Ni ming bai?
It annoys me when friends don't accept requests. I don't add acquaintances, but I go to college with this girl who I've known for years now, but she didn't accept my friend request. I just thought that was rude since we talk all the time. People act like Facebook is separate from real life. I've recently deleted anyone who I don't keep in contact with, because if I am not going to talk to them in person then why would I talk to them online?
Yup! my ex boyfriend told he he doesn't have a facebook account but I accidentally got his another email address and search him using that email and I found out that he was in Indonesia hitting some bitches. I end our relationship since then. I am happy and I am moving on with my life.
@tictact0e0@xanga - Haha I understand some of the things that you typed. Yes, we had another connection that I used to work at the law school he goes to for graduate school and we live in the same apartment complex. You'd figure neighbors would like to do neighbor things together, grocery shopping, etc. I didn't think I came on too strong. Maybe he got the wrong impression when I said I wanted to leave his party early because I had to meet my mom, I have no idea. It could also be true he didn't like what I had on my profile but if someone isn't a friend yet they can't see much anyway since I have most things showed to friends only.
For the classmate guy I have just ever talked to him class and a few times at the bars when i ran into him. He hangs out with a group of shady people so I wasn't too hurt when he defriended me.
@LondonsMommy@momaroo - Same here. And I'm not even going to ask people anymore if they have facebook or not so they don't have a chance to lie to me about it.
8 out of 10 people most definitely have it, even 9 out of 10.
The whole first paragraph pretty much prefaced that you want to beat the topic of Facebook to death. So yes, I do moan "not another Facebook topic," because that's exactly what this is.
"Doesn't it irk you when people claim that they supposedly 'don't' have a Facebook but then you search for them and their name plus a default profile picture is obviously right there?" = creepiness at its finest.
If you like someone, call them, or hell, even text them. Leave Facebook out of it. If they turn you down, fuck em and move on with your life. How is it different than having someone deny you on Facebook? This generation is not one I'm proud to be a part of because of reasons like this.
@swayXX@xanga - So far you're the only one bothered...I've gotten different opinions about it from both sides without people acting an ass until you. If you're so bothered by my article why not proceed to skim past it and onto the next one? Clearly you care enough to comment. Your opinion just came out the wrong way. Although I agree the generations have gone downhill with the new technology social media networks coming out. Facebook can get people to stay in touch with each other who are far away, but also cause drama with those close by.
If people don't want me to know their business online, I don't see why they'd want me to know in person, therefore I don't contact them if they deny my request.
i take facebook friendships pretty seriously too.. but no, that never happened to me (i don't like meeting guys at bars), but i do agree with you