I went to a party about two weeks ago.
I spotted this guy and we instantly hit it off. We left the party for a bit just to talk somewhere quieter. Since we were talking about Star Wars, he invited me back to his place to watch it. We were both pretty drunk so of course it led into a hook up. As I was gathering my clothes to leave, he began to tell me how much he wanted to see me again the next day and how he wanted to get to know me.
I thought this was really sweet but I honestly didn't want to get together just because of the fear of rejection, or the thought that he wouldn't really care for my personality when I wasn't intoxicated or thought I wasn't fun.
He walked me home after that, and gave me a kiss goodbye, he was so sweet! The next day I figured that since this was the first time someone had asked me to come back to their place to get to know me, I should get to know him too. He invited me back the next morning for pancakes and I went back to his place. It was strange seeing him again so soon, now that the alcohol had worn off and we were in the light of day. Things were just... different than how I anticipated.
Nevertheless, we hung out that day for four hours! We watched the rest of the Star Wars movie we didn't get to finish and then cuddled in his bed. It was so relaxing.
Now what sucks is that, I kind of feel like I want a do-over. Since that day we met again, I was tired and hungover and didn't really act like myself. And he didn't really get to see the REAL me, nor does he know a lot about me. And I guess now I kind of want to get to know him more. I even texted him today saying, "I want a do over" and his reply was, "What do you mean?"" so I began to start second-guessing myself that I didn't really know what I meant.
Is it stupid to want to get to know him better? I know usually the guy is the one who should chase the girl so I know that if he is interested in me he would have made the move already. So I'm guessing the verdict is to wait until he contacts me if he wants to get together again. I feel like I screwed up by not really being myself the day we met, so he didn't get the right impression of me.
Am I overthinking this too much? Should I just wait on him? What should I do?
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Comments (28)
let him know you if he's interested he will chase after you...
If he invited you back for starwars he's probably wants to get to know you better.
That's just bad luck :( Have you tried Lisa Harris's mini guide? I think it's
still free and it helped me out loads. Here's the link: www.TruthsAboutMen.info
"I know usually the guy is the one who should chase the girl so I know that if he is interested in me he would have made the move already."
No. Guys shouldn't always have to put themselves on the line for girls. There's a lot of good things to be said for making your interest known/initiating things regardless of the genders involved.
That said, I do think you're overthinking it. If you were both drunk, maybe he had a hangover, too. I also think people have a tendency to be hypercritical of their words and actions when they're interested in or trying to impress someone, and you're probably not an exception to this.
My advice? Come up with an idea for a date and ask for a follow-up, not a do-over. He wouldn't have kept you around for four hours and cuddled with you if he was bothered by the way you were acting.
@EpistemicDuty@xanga - Can't... stop... laughing.
uh...he did make the next move? this is dumb.
also i wish more girls were like @Edeline_Wrigh@xanga. every time some girl on here says something stupid to the effect of "if he REALLY likes you he'll do x" "guy needs to do x" etc it's like...uh yeah, you can get off your ass and do something also. we are only willing to put ourselves on the line if we have some buying signal from you in the first place.
Seriously? If you're worried about first impressions, too late, you already made it, and guess what? he wanted to see you again. And by the sound of things, he'll still wanna see you, just like the one commenter mentioned. So now, just go and get to know each other already, you don't need a do-over, unless you wanna do-over the hook up part and do it better, then, by all means!
why should he chase you? I mean it's not like you're following the whole princess of the fairy tale role so if you like him and want to get to know him better, I'd say, tell it to him that way.
@xXxlovelylollipop@xanga - Are you saying she should be more like Princess Leia?
Well, you already had sex. What are you worried about again? You can't take it back! He is asking you to hang out so get over your drunken decisions and talk to him then. Get to know him.
This is why people are dumb. If you want to know him, get to know him. Ask him to hang out. He already called you back showing you he was interested in you in some way, and even if he wasn't and you want to know him better just call and tell him that. Be upfront and do what you want. Don't worry about "isn't it supposed to go this way, and isn't he supposed to do that, while I do this?" Just do what you feel like you want to do.
"I know the guy is usually the one who should chase the girl..."
Like.. seriously?
Just tell him you want to get a chance to really talk to him and get to know him for real, without the drunkenness or day-after affects. Its not about "chasing". You are overthinking it way too much, he invited you back over the day after and now he is probably just confused. Just because he isn't leaping and bounding at you doesn't mean anything.
@Gaia - Princess Leia rocks, but not everyone has to be a princess, there're plenty of female roles now :P
what is this I don't even!
what's the problem? sounds like OP had a successful night, and potential for good relationship. what's the problem? why does OP need a do-over? did he stop contacting or something? how much time passed? what?
*confused to the max*
He's already reached out to you and showed you he's interested. Just go with the flow and be yourself. Over thinking and second guessing yourself now will only make you turn into someone you're not, which may make him want to stop seeing you.
This is one of those questions where if you have to ask then the answer is yes. @Edeline_Wrigh@xanga - gave the best advice. Just ask him out and stop analyzing every single move that the two of you make.
You are over thinking it.
You don't need a "do-over." He likes you, get off datingish and go hang out with him.
He already MADE the next move - he asked you back for pancakes and spent four HOURS with you. You probably ruined it by asking for a do-over. Why didn't you just call him and ask him to dinner or something? I'm sure he would have said yes. I really don't understand why some people insist on over-analysing everything. He obviously liked you or he wouldn't have asked you back the next day. Just call him and ask him for dinner. He made the second move, now it's YOUR turn to do something.
definitely over-thinking. You guys seem like you're already in the process of getting to know each other... just continue hanging out, what's the problem?
Definitely over thinking. He's already accomplished the task of sleeping with you. If he really didn't want to get to know you better, there wouldn't have been a follow up get together. Unless you were just that amazing in bed haha just kidding. Just go with the flow. Follow how you feel and if you decide you wanna take it to the next level then tell him. Most guys hate guess work, so make it easy for him.
Good long-term and daily communication between partners ends any possibilities of doubt over the other.
Φ ≡
this is confusing a little. why are u questioning if its stupiid for wanting to get to no him better if thats what he was trying to do? just dont base on the sleeping together again since it already happened concentrate on who he really is n see if thats worth it or just move on
I have no advice for this. Just a question: Did you bother to explain to him what you meant by 'do-over' before you considered not making the next move, when it seems he was the last one to communicate? (please say you just left that part out of the story....) Cheers and good luck to you!
Yes, you are over thinking this. It happens to the best of us but you should assume that since you were both drunk it made it easier to bond, alcohol will usually do that. Who knows, maybe if neither of you had liquid courage you may have never spoken to each other. If you want to get to know the guy, let it be known and if he doesn't reciprocate..move on. Also, good sex is safe sex!
If you have to ask that question then mostly likely yes, you are indeed overthinking things. There's no harm in explaining how you're feeling. He sounds like a cool guy. I'm sure he wouldn't mind getting to know you better as well..especially since he did invite you back (for pancakes too! yum!) the next day. If a guy is usually not interested that scenario would have been nonexistent.