Tuesday, 02 October 2012
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Picking the Right Battles
Why do people insist on trying to keep contacting someone that obviously doesn't want to be contacted by that person? When I first met someone and they seemed like they might be interested in me, I tried to contact them to see if they wanted to hang out.After the third time, this dude was ignoring me for no apparent reason; I just said to myself he isn't worth it. You know people used to think I was "crazy," oh, but there's much worse out there. I'm pretty tame compared to some people on Xanga. If I can't get a person to hang out with me after three times of contacting them, they're done. I don't sit here blasting their inboxes with 20 different phone numbers and 20 messages.
Talk about a stalker!
Can someone please help me understand this behavior?What do you think?
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About the Author
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- From: xinq@xanga
- About Me: Insulting people personally isn't considered having different opinions to me, that's just being an ignorant bully. Don't get criticism and hate mixed up. Don't waste my time insulting me if you're just going to leave one comment, because I will call you out on it. I love how haters think they are so "tough" when all they do is leave one comment but then don't come back when I own them. Yeah, so "tough" they are. Here's a funny pattern I noticed, the people who hate me defend people who are considered jerks to 98% of this place while they bash people who volunteer, give their friends places to stay, and don't need material things to be validated. If I was the "horrible" person that they claim that I am, would I really do that? YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY AMAZING? I JUST FOUGHT OFF 10 ARROGANT TROLLS WHO POST UNDER MULTIPLE NAMES ALL BY MYSELF. NOW THAT'S AMAZING. Real winners are those who are able to fight their own battles. :) #imtheonewhohasbraggingrights
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Comments (21)
I can't understand why someone wouldn't get the message after you've ignored them for 20 instances in which he/she has already tried to contact you. I would just ignore it. Block it if you can. If not, I would message them to tell him/her that I was not interested and that I would appreciate it if he/she stopped contacting me. Hopefully the stalker will get the message! Good luck.
"Why do people insist on trying to keep contacting someone that obviously doesn't want to be contacted by that person?"
Because they aren't used to rejection and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. If you would so relentlessly attempt to instill a sense of futility in someone else you're being a hypocrite. Only that person knows if they truly love the other and popular opinion isn't going to change the fact.
I'm going to submit a third article to Datingish that goes something along the lines of:
"Why do people who post on Datingish, or rather why do the Datingish staff approve and post articles that were written for the sole purpose of attacking a member on this site?"
Obviously one of the staff members is friends with one of the drama queens (assuming they're not all the same person.)
it's like high school all over again...
@babybug329@xanga - Agreed.
Send a PM to them letting them know why you are blocking them. Then block them.
wow, you try 3 times? unless they're friends, i try a *maximum* of 2, usually just 1. if it's a girl i'm trying to woo, and she responds with "i'm busy" with no counteroffer, i respond with "no worries, have fun!" and her # gets immediately deleted. no questions asked.
because they think that the person might eventually change their mind. they are either hopeless romantics or psychos.
I've had a few guys randomly contact me after a while giving me their phone number to call them. I usually ignore them, because it seems like they are looking for a bootycall, but they think that I might become curious or bored or whatever and call them someday. some might just want to hang out, but I don't. one of them is pretty hot but he has a mustache. it would be weird to tell him to shave his stache before he contacts me because he looks scary:D if I don't accept him the way he is, then why bother changing him right
he probably wouldn't mind but I wouldn't want him to feel compelled to shave. what if he grows a stache a few weeks later and creeps me out again, so I avoid him>_< he wouldn't like me that much after he finds out that I hate his stache anyway. I already have a bf. oh well, no loss, no gain. back to our regular lives minus hanging out with each other forever, never:O
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Come to think of it, I think I've given them two too many chances. If they don't answer me on the first time and blatantly ignore me, then I shouldn't contact them again. I figure the first time maybe they were genuinely busy so that's why I try a second time, but no more than three times tops.
There was this one guy that I met a while back who acted like he was so interested in hanging out with me the first time we met so I thought I was pretty sure he'd friend request me back to get to hang out with me more. He just left it pending and even though he gave me his phone number, I never bothered to call him since he "rejected" my friend request which I thought was childish, basically a cop out of saying not interested with not even having to say not interested. I knew he gets on facebook because I saw his friend numbers go way up without accepting my request and he knew it was me, too because I sent him a message saying it was me. He lives in the same apartment complex, too, but luckily on the other side of the complex so we don't have to run into each other and he's leaving in a few months anyway. He made it weird and awkward for no reason. I wasn't necessarily looking to hook up or anything either, just trying to find more/new friends at the new place I moved to.
@Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga - You don't attack just members of this site, you attack a whole entire gender of society. You're pretty much a hypocrite. Any post you write generalizes, demeans and attacks women, and essentially you're indirectly attacking all women on Xanga by lumping all women to be together. Get off your high horse. Whoever rec'd your comment is also a hypocrite. I hope it wasn't a female that rec'd it, either. Obviously they haven't read ANY of your posts if anyone at all agrees with you. All your posts whine and complain about women doing this and that to you and you call women names who haven't even done anything to you.
@themillionairess@xanga - Also if T3h can use this site as a call out site, so can I plus this is a legit question it's not causing drama. The only people who are causing drama in this blog comments are you and immature Chibi. Everyone else seemed to answer the question fine. If you think it's causing drama then obviously you're guilty of stalking someone 20 billion times after they've ignored you and you've got your panties in a bunch because I've called your type out on this. I found this an innocent question to be asked and I'm trying to understand why people are crazy who do it. Like I said in my bio you disrespect my opinion and can't agree to disagree maturely, I'll disrespect you the same. Seems like you're the one who wants a go at it/likes drama getting your panties in a twist over a simple question and I wasn't even talking about you unless you're a crazy person who contacts people 20 billion times after they don't wanna talk to you.
@babybug329@xanga - Same. I hate people who need things to be spelled out for them and even then they still don't listen that people aren't interested.
@Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga -
http://www.datingish.com/768117609/texting-cliffhangers/
http://www.datingish.com/766327328/im-attracting-the-wrong-women/
http://www.datingish.com/761918417/when-women-flake-out/
http://www.datingish.com/761536769/five-reasons-why-i-believe-most-women-will-never-approach-men/
I don't want to sift through all of your pathetic posts. but you get the idea that you attack women on this site. Men do the same things that you complain and claim only women do.
Yeah, so let's all use datingish to attack women and "fat" women instead. I'd love to hear a reply from you about this.
@xinq@xanga - yeah, a phone number means nothing. if i get a girl's number, i act under the assumption that nothing will come out of it unless we actually end up meeting for coffee (or whatever). my policy is that i will only send a second text if i have exceptional reason to believe that there was a genuine oversight when missing the first one--in fact, this happened right before i left on my vacation, and (in principle) that girl and i are going to meet up when i'm back in town next week.
why this guy didn't hit you back when you just wanted to be friends is beyond me. i *love* making new friends, especially if they like to drink. (for the most part, people who don't drink would probably find it difficult to have fun with my friends and me.) if you just moved to a new city and are looking for ways to make friends, feel free to shoot me a line. i've helped others with the same issue before.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Hey thanks, definitely very difficult to make new friends. They think there are other intentions or maybe they are/aren't read something the wrong way. Lately all I've been meeting are crappy people when I'm out on the town. I'm only friends with one of my neighbors and they are this couple, but when trying to just make individual friends that's a different story. I just started a second part-time job and the only people who seem to get back to me without games are people I work with. Maybe it's the crap people in my town, I'm not sure.
@themillionairess@xanga - People like you amuse me claiming there's drama when the only way there would be drama is if YOU caused it. Big shots like you think you're so tough, it's hilarious. You leave one comment claiming there's drama and then don't respond when you get called out.
@xinq@xanga - I've been in the same situation and have had similar experiences (ten folds, being that I'm a guy). Best advice is that I've found that it takes too much energy to *directly* initiate one-on-one which often can be ambiguous or awkward; better to just start small and expand your social circle(s) so that you'll eventually and naturally meet whoever you're trying to meet (i.e. group settings).
Also, kudos for not being of the typical female archetype where you expect others to be the initiator and the aggressor.
@xXDC_luyouXx - I appreciate the kudos :). I've definitely always been the one to initiate the first step. The person that I'm hanging out with now, he may have asked me to hang out first, but I was the one to befriend him on facebook first in order for him to ask me to hang out online. I even asked my first boyfriend out ever. I've also been more often than not the one to suggest guys give me their phone numbers or it was mutual and we both gave it to each other at the same time. I just don't like waiting around and am sort of impatient when it comes to mind fucks. If they don't answer me the first three times then they're not worth my time, heh.
@xinq@xanga - some things i recommend:
- do something totally new. for example, i took a hip-hop dance class to make new friends. (worked out well.)
- neighbors can work out sometimes--i'm friends with my neighbors (probably helps that they're alcoholics, and i like to drink a lot) but i guess you haven't had the same luck. in fact, i probably know more people in my apartment building than anyone else, definitely because i'm likely to say to pretty much anyone i meet in the hallway/elevator/pool/wherever.
- alumni events are awesome, at least if your school(s) has (have) a strong community in your area. i've met so many people through these, you have no idea.
- if you already have a few friends, invite them over for pregame on the weekend (dinner party if you don't drink), and make sure you say they can bring friends. meeting friends through other friends is great--meeting hook-ups through other friends is a bad idea (in my opinion, at least).
- what about your other everyday activities like the gym? as another example, i literally know everyone at my gym who goes at the same time as me.
i could probably come up with another 3-4 ideas if i wasn't half asleep right now. also, if you tell me where you live, i know a handful of cities in the us pretty well and might be able to give you more specific ideas. for example, kickball + flip cup is HUGE in dc. granted, things are easier for those who are super outgoing, but even if you're not particularly outgoing, you (the royal you) need to take a proactive role to get the things you want in life.
We live in the land of online stalkers, apparently. This is the third instance of this kind of behavior I've come across this week.
Never go into a battle alone, and if you're being stalked, get help from the police cause they WILL help you I found.
I contact them only once.. if they fail to respond, I don't contact them again... If they are interested, they will get back to me. Their loss.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - unfortunately i don't live in those busy cities with popular activities. the only famous thing we have here is the football hall of fame and the 4-h fairs during the summer. this town is pretty much dead and most people i used to know have left because it's so boring. i've only stayed because i at least want to finish tying up unfinished business here before i move to someplace new so that business from here doesn't affect wherever the new place i stay at is and that i can have a fresh start. :/
I'm slightly confused. Exactly which behavior are you trying to better understand? n_n;