Monday, 01 October 2012
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Ever Fancied a Person Who's Already Taken?
I have been having a crush on a married colleague for the last few years and I wonder because recently, my feelings have become more serious than just a harmless crush. I remember how I liked him the first moment I saw him. Like love at first sight. I felt he liked me, too, but then there was a wedding band on his finger so I thought I must have been mistaken.
Since then, we've developed a friendship. Months would go by without us seeing/talking each other and then there would be periods where we would just start to chat again. We would chat about personal stuff. I told him about my problems with my bf, etc. He just somehow always re-appears back into my life at moments when I need him (without me actually asking for him).
Over the past month, I have been very unhappy about the state of my relationship; it’s been emotionally painful. My colleague suddenly popped up again in my life. Prior to that, it had been months since we last chatted or saw each other. We don’t work together or on the same floor.So we started catching up again over IM, and he told me about his problems at home (wife), stress, work etc.... Over several online chats, we somehow started flirting (brought on by some other office gossip) and I wasn't thinking much about it. He spontaneously offered to buy me dinner which I thought was bit "odd" but then again, I've always been the "best friend" type rather the "girlfriend" type so that’s why I don’t read clues like some other people do.
We haven't really made any dinner plans so it may all just be talk! He has made me laugh so much, it has helped me deal with my personal situation. In person he is rather reserved, but still very attentive, and looks me in the eyes when talking to me. He asked me several times but I still haven’t told him about my personal problems. I didn't want to cry in front of him, although I almost did and I wonder if I freaked him out.The other day I went to his desk to say hi and I felt the way he looked at me that moment (we haven’t seen each other for months!) was somewhat “different.” I could see his glance... like he was in awe. We only exchanged a brief hello and how are you before he rushed off to another meeting.
I know in a way it doesn't really matter. He is taken! I am just thinking whether I am starting to feel more than just a crush for him…. I know people may say it’s just a distraction for both sides, flattery, an ego boost… but we have also been “friends” for the past few years and there is a mutual trust between us, too. There is actually not much hope for anything more, I just can’t help myself feeling the way I feel now.
I am immensely hurt by my boyfriend’s behavior and at present, he is not available for me to address these issues (until he is ready to hear me out) and I know this “crush” can only ever be a “crush.” I have no intention to act upon my feelings. Please don’t judge.This is only my impression, but maybe the truth is he really just sees me as a friend (which is okay by me) and it's all just in my head because I feel hurt and vulnerable right now, and need some male attention and TLC. I just wanted to share my story. Maybe you can share yours, too.
Ever fancied someone you know you shouldn't?! Was it only illusion or the real thing?
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- From: littlemiss
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Comments (53)
i fancy johnny depp but sadly he is married
yea its called the story of my life
Also the story of my life.
A while back, I really liked this guy (for like years) and he liked me too, but the timing was never right. During the end of his then LTR, things happened between us that probably shouldn't have, but the way we felt about each other was mutual.
We've moved on since then, as timing and geography is not on our sides.
I wish for you the best.
A taken man is the bane of my existence. Always remember that she's #1 and always will be, until proven otherwise. I hope things calm down and something positive pans out for you though :)
Some day, Kate Middleton, you will be mine. MINE I TELL YA
i would be more worried that he's your colleague than that he's married. i've hooked up with a handful of girls in relationships (though never married), it's not such a big deal.
Plenty when I was in high school. But not so much anymore, I'm pretty happy with my s.o
Hasn't everybody?
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - he was never married, just in a long term relationship. he already split with vanessa.
An old FWB and I are always talking off and on even though we've both always been in relationships since our initial hooking up days. I try to stay away from liking guys that are spoken for though, especially now since I was cheated on and definitely know what it's felt like from the other end when the other person takes it too far. As long as you aren't taking it too far emotionally or physically, it probably isn't a really big deal.
yep, my boss crush at work. he isn't really my "boss" but another dept's boss. I call him my "boss" crush because he has that boss-like presence
I haven't personally talked to him. I see him randomly and then he suddenly disappears around the corner like batman! he;s mysterious and charming
he's married with kids and seems to be a family man, which is one thing that I admire about him amongst other appealing characteristics. as much as I'd daydream about talking to him sometimes and if he flirted with me and had signs of straying, then I'd have less respect for him because it'll ruin his loyal family man image. it is a safe crush so to speak because I know that nothing will ever really happen since I have boundary control. he's like an unattainable celebrity crush to me for eyecandy's sake at work.
People still chat on IM?
I have more respect for a man who tries hard to compromise problems with his wife rather than to talk about it mutually with another woman.
it's usually because of looks. when i find out their taken, i just stop looking at them and eventually the fire dies down
Yes. It was a combination of both.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - Now's your chance!
If window shopping makes you feel better, then knock yourself out and stare at that purse through the glass to your heart's content. Now if you're entertaining the idea of smashing said window and making a break for it with the purse, don't do it.
I've been with a few girls that were at the tail end of their relationships and I regretted not waiting for them to end things before acting on my feelings.
I fell in love with a married co-worker about 5 1/2 years ago. I never acted on the feelings and, to this day, I don't believe she knows how much I cared for her. Those memories have faded with time, and I'm glad I never found out if she felt the same way.
My point is that you'll develop feelings for married and unmarried people all your life, whether you are married or not married. It's how you deal with those feelings that will define who you are in relationships.
I know how hard it is to be the single person crushing on a married person. You just have to find other ways to divert your energy.
Good Luck!
Yep. All the time.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - LE GASP
Over the past few years, I've learned this about myself: every time things get rough in my life, I inevitably find someone (usually taken or someone I could never be with) to "crush" on - it becomes a kind of way to distract myself from the things that are bringing me down. I never intentionally "fall in love" with dudes who are taken...that is just how things usually happen.
It seems to me that your boyfriend troubles are really hurting you and, ya know, here's this dream man at work who weaves in and out of your life. He seems perfect. He's probably even attracted to you. And then you almost believe that you're in love with him. And you may well be.
But know that you are in love with a dream. No man (or woman) is perfect. I'd focus on the root of the situation here: the problems with your boyfriend. I have a hunch that once you get that sorted out, everything else will become clearer for you. :)
Best of luck :)
No, thank god.
i have been in a relationship with a married man.
My "taken" guy isn't taken anymore. We're actually both single now, so it seems like timing is finally on our side. We had a similar relationship to what you described, while I had a LTR but he was single. Then he started daing someone and we basically stopped being friends. Now we recently resumed our friendship, like it was before. I always feel like he flirts with me or that there's something MORE going on, but then he also acts like a normal friend and talks about other girls. But then I wonder if he does that to make me jealous, or am I just acting jealous on my own, and he truly just thinks of me as only a friend that is there to give him relationship advice. And it's probably gonna keep confusing the hell out of me until I finally tell him how I feel about him. But maybe it is just me appreciating his attention.
Anyways, hope it works out for you. Whether you wind up together (if he gets divorced) or not. Just know there are probably a million people who feel this way about someone.