Monday, 01 October 2012
I'm dating my boyfriend for the second time. We got back together in June and I was iffy, because I dumped him for my own valid reasons and I knew what I was getting into again. He legitimately told his best friend he was going to be the "macho asshole" because his actual personality of being the nice guy apparently didn't work for me before.
That's a story for another day, but let me just confirm for the record that no, it did not work, and he pisses me off ALL the time as opposed to once a month when we had first been dating.
Anyway, I noticed one day that he was nonstop texting a girl all day while I was with him, literally from when we got up to when we went to bed. And at one point he tilted the screen away so if I happened to glance over, I couldn't read what he was saying. (However, he blatantly reads my texts over my shoulder all the time.)
I'd never seen this girl's name before, so right away, it was a red flag. He's anti-social, so if he ever makes new friends, they're usually mine.
A couple of days later, those hidden texts were really bothering me. So much that I couldn't help myself: for the first time ever, I snooped through someone's phone. And in his text messages I found that he had been flirting with the girl and he made a joke about showering together. When she said nah, he asked, "If I were single?"
I was livid, but said nothing, and let it go. I'll give him credit for saying he was "kidding" and that he loves me, but he could've been saving face just in case this girl ever turned out to be a love interest. Weeks later, I had mostly forgotten about the incident but then saw he was flirting with the same girl. I read his texts again and had to bite down on my tongue pretty hard.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when I find he's been flirting with a different girl entirely, at doubled strength, and she was flirting right back--as opposed to the other girl, who was trying to brush it off as best as she could. Much to my surprise, his call list was filled with the second girl's name--he's never called me for anything other than an emergency, but has spent dozens of hours talking to this other girl.
As far as I know, he doesn't hang out with either of these girls, yet I've really started questioning him, his loyalty, and how much trust I should be placing in him.
The cherry on top is that I happened to be on his Facebook today while he showered, and, lo and behold, a third girl was flirting with him via messages--a girl who had tried to add me a few days ago, for whatever reason.
Now I'm pissed.
I honestly don't see him as the type of guy to flirt for the sake of flirting, but I guess that could be the case. I'll admit that I flirt with a couple of guy friends occasionally, but I'm just a natural flirt; I can't control it and I mean nothing by it. I know I've broken his trust by going through his phone, but I don't plan on him ever knowing that I have unless I someday deem all of this enough to end our relationship. But as I've found out, he's also broken my trust and I'm rather upset by everything I've read.
I know in my heart I'm not overreacting, but I can't gauge just how worried I should be.
Do you think I shouldn't have gone through his phone at all, or is what I've found more important?
Has an SO ever snooped through your phone? Do you believe flirting is usually with a purpose? Should I confront the matter or let it go?