Monday, 01 October 2012
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Is He Worth It?
I'm friends with this guy who's a dancer and 13 years older than me. We hang out all the time. We go to the movies, out to eat, swimming, play sports or just sit around conversing. I also help him out with creating things that will help advertise his work. He already clarified that he wasn't interested in men.The thing is that when I questioned where we stood, friends or something else, he said, "Friends, of course we're friends. We'll see."
What the hell?! What does the "we'll see" mean!?It's been 2 months since that incident and we are still constantly talking with one another and spending time together. He acts like nothing ever happened. He didn't back away or anything and he's always commenting how good I look. What's with this? Am I wasting my time and effort?
I have strong feelings for him and keep hoping things might change. I don't know if I can think of him as just a friend. Should I keep waiting or just break things off?
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- From: huragi@xanga
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Comments (23)
In my experience, if a guy wants you, he will put in the effort and make you his. His we'll see is uncertainty whether it is him not liking you romantically or not into the age difference. So I say make it known your feelings again and if he blows you off, cut ties! No point in making yourself miserable hanging with a man who doesn't return your affections.
"In my experience, if a guy wants you, he will put in the effort and make you his."
@ShirleyD@xanga - When women make themselves out to be a prize or an end-goal they're objectifying themselves.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - And how is waiting for a guy making yourself seem like a prize? I hardly think that's what she was implying. And if it was, then it's her business not yours.
why don't you just be open and communicate TO HIM what it is that you want from this relationship? we can't tell you what you should do...
"we'll see" can mean so many different things... the only way to find out is... get this... ASK HIM.
If he made it clear that he is not interested in men, then he is probably isn't interested in men. He made the we'll see comment two months ago. If he meant anything by it, I think you would have been able to pick up on it. If you are not interested in just a friendship, then stop wasting your time. Actions speak louder than words. He hasn't shown you in any of his actions that he is interested in anything more than what the two of you already do together or you wouldn't be trying to read between lines and this wouldn't be a post.
Have you two kissed or anything like that? Maybe he is just afraid to make a move?
He doesn't want to confront the situation to jeopardize the friendship the way it is now. He's comfortable, and he likes you two being the way you are. If you're content with just being friends then continue being so, but you should also pursue others on the side because this is probably just going to stay a friends-only situation. Maybe if he sees you pursuing others he'll get jealous and want to take things to a different level, but don't move on in the name of jealousy, move on in the name of independence.
When you wait, you yourself will probably miss the opportunity to see where it goes. Do the asking and see how he responds. What's the point of wanting it if you're not even going to try yourself? Even if his answer is no, at least you would know the answer. Don't wait for him to do something; take initiative.
Did you two do anything "romantic"? if you're just hanging out like friends then it's not obvious to him that you want something more. You can't honestly wait around forever expecting him to make a move. Either *you* make a move and tell him about your feelings, or move on.
I'm confused ... are you a guy or a girl? Or are you just trying to convey that, despite the fact that he's a dancer, he's not gay?
If you two are both guys than that changes everything.
I'm assuming you're both men based on the way this was written.
If that's correct and you're out to him about your sexual orientation (and he's comfortable with it), I think you should just go ahead and tell him. That way, your feelings will be in the open and he can deal with them accordingly. It's always possible a friendship will dissolve if the other person doesn't return the affection, but I generally think it's better to tell them than worry about it or wonder about it forever. If you're both reasonably mature, I don't think it has to be the end of the friendship even if nothing further develops.
If you're not out to him, I think you should consider coming out, and then doing the above depending on how he takes it. If you don't want to or he doesn't take it well, I think there's some aspect of the friendship that needs reevaluated (whether on your side or his is up for debate).
Best wishes.Maybe he thinks
youlike him. Some guys string girls along for ego. Mine never has done that.
Break it off.
He may be too old for you, whether you're a guy or a girl. 13 years is a big age gap. He may have wanted to see how you reacted to more situations to figure out how mature you were. I'm not saying whether you are or aren't, I'm just saying this could be one of his motives behind saying, "We'll see."
You my dear, sound like you are in the friend's zone and nothing else.
I have male friends, in which i do what you have stated, but FRIENDS. Movies, dinner, even snuggling.
And men who have liked me, but pretend to be my friend, make it VERY clear, "Hey Patricia I like you a lot. I wanna be more than friends" or flirt. Do something that isn't what friends do.
You need to straight up ask him, "Yo, can we date as boyfriend and girlfriend?" lol well you can take out the "yo" part.
If he doesnt want a relationship because of the age differences, and the more time you spend together, you will just get more attached on less you can separate the two.
He's just stringing you along for the ego boost. As the first poster said, if he really wanted to be with you, you would be with him by now. =/
Cut off ties, if you think that being around him will deepen your feelings for him.
Don't wait at all----guys let you know immediately whether they're interested or not....believe me I would know and I kept waiting to see if there could be more and then nothing. you'll waste your time and effort when you could be using those with other guys. Better yet, they will do most of the work when they meet you. This guy is like a girlfriend---you hang out all the time, you tell each other everything and give you his honest opinion,and compliments you all the time---thats all he is, so just get over him and let life find you someone better for you who isnt afraid to tell and show you how he feels for you. You'll find him unexpectedly. :D
Uh I don't get it. Just because you're a good friend you think you're wasting your time unless he says he wants to be in a relationship with you? Doesn't sound like you guys have anything as it is, so there's nothing really to break off. Saying we'll see is just kind of an honest answer. He sees you as a friend, but isn't discounting the fact that someday you may be more, or may not be more. So you'll see eventually. Should just tell him straight up how you feel and see how he feels though, better than asking a vague question and trying to decode his answer.
To clarify things, I'm a girl. The reason why it's hard because I find myself waiting for his call or
e-mail.
I'm really happy whenever we're together but I try my best not to be
overly touchy in case it scares him off. My emotions vary depending on
his.
I know I'm already too emotionally involved and I wish to be with him. But as time goes on it gets harder
to just hold back my feelings.
Do I just explain to him that I need some space in order to sort myself out or just stop contacting him?
Just thinking about that hurts.
Don't break off your friendship! You guys are FRIENDS. That's it! He made himself very clear. You do the same. He sounds like a great friend to have & I'd love more friends like that. Find someone else.
Break what off? You're just hanging out as friends right now right? Did you become his friend as a ploy to convert it to a dating relationship?
If he's not interested in dating, does that mean you no longer have an interest in being his friend? If so, that's shallow and hypocritical. Many women complain about their guy "friends" that vanish once they make it known they want to keep it as friends and nothing more. It's a wimpy way to go.
Accept what he said at face value that the two of you are friends. If you want more, then talk to him about it directly and if he is clear on just being a friend- accept it.
well, you could try saying something to him about it. Sounds like he's a good enough friend that he's not going to act differently just because you said something.
Personally, I would stick with it and see how it goes. I've known guys who love the "chase." Yet I've also known guys as best friends until it eventually developed into a relationship. And even if he doesn't want you, don't break off a friendship.