Sunday, 30 September 2012
Not all relationships are perfect...of course, there will be tears over laughter, sadness over happiness, and stupid bickering over happy times. I might not speak for most girls here, but in my experience, I am having a very difficult time getting my emotions together. I am aware I might get some harsh comments, but I need to figure out what is going on.
I have been dating my boyfriend Josh for a year now. He has graduated, and I am a senior in high school. We've been together since last September, and through the first month I was feeling extremely insecure. I have had a very bad experience with relationships, so I was keeping on my toes the first month to see if any funny business would go on. Of course, it didn't, and Josh was patient, caring, and promised he never would abandon me.
Somehow I really knew he meant it. And trust me, he meant it, because he's stuck around with me through my craziness and our petty fights, no matter how rough they get. However, on Friday, we had one of our worst fights ever. He got upset because I didn't comfort him over a silly joke... I thought he wanted to be alone, so I left him alone... and he slammed the door and walked out of the house.
His little brothers were worried and scared and insisted I drive to find him. I do not have my license yet, and I am a very nervous driver, especially in his rickety truck. I found his keys and drove and found him in the front yard. As I expected, he wanted to be alone, yet he continued to get upset that I didn't comfort him. I told him he was just acting childish and I parked the car and we talked in the garage.
Long story short, we fought for hours over it, and it escalated quickly because I told him the fight was petty, that he was being foolish, blah, blah, blah... And ever since then, I haven't felt the same about him. I have been having doubts and worries because I don't want to have so much drama fight after fight in the future. It went way out of control. Mind you, he is eighteen, and struggling to get a job. We're both very stressed due to our occupations.
I told him I wanted a break and that it'd be good for us, since we're both stressed out lately. I told him I am overwhelmed and just can't seem to find where my head is. My emotions are everywhere. He said, "Whatever... You're just using me. You're gonna take a break with me and then break up with me after homecoming this weekend and go be with other guys."
There he goes again... I flirted with another guy for a day or so in the past while we were dating, confessed, and then we fixed our relationship, but he holds a grudge over me, even though he said I've earned his trust back. We fought hard over this one. He said he'll be happy to ignore me if it's all about me because, "That's what you're making it out to be," and that he is so tired of me doing this and that he has cried enough over me and he's playing dirty now.
He was extremely cruel. When I started crying, telling him it's not what he thinks, that I love him and I just want to take a break for a few days, he said, "Try not to choke on your tears." He wasn't sympathetic over anything I said, and clearly, he has gotten into Angry Mode. He insisted he ignore me for two days. So far he hasn't been.
After this fight, I feel scared. I feel intimidated. Okay, I made him upset... and I feel absolutely selfish and horrible. I love him with all my heart, and I don't want what we have to crumble. But somehow, I feel like I can't let my emotions adjust again after our most recent fights. I can't even get the guts to say, "I love you," which is something we say to each other all the time.