Sunday, 30 September 2012
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I Can't Even Say "I Love You" Anymore
Not all relationships are perfect...of course, there will be tears over laughter, sadness over happiness, and stupid bickering over happy times. I might not speak for most girls here, but in my experience, I am having a very difficult time getting my emotions together. I am aware I might get some harsh comments, but I need to figure out what is going on.I have been dating my boyfriend Josh for a year now. He has graduated, and I am a senior in high school. We've been together since last September, and through the first month I was feeling extremely insecure. I have had a very bad experience with relationships, so I was keeping on my toes the first month to see if any funny business would go on. Of course, it didn't, and Josh was patient, caring, and promised he never would abandon me.
Somehow I really knew he meant it. And trust me, he meant it, because he's stuck around with me through my craziness and our petty fights, no matter how rough they get. However, on Friday, we had one of our worst fights ever. He got upset because I didn't comfort him over a silly joke... I thought he wanted to be alone, so I left him alone... and he slammed the door and walked out of the house.
His little brothers were worried and scared and insisted I drive to find him. I do not have my license yet, and I am a very nervous driver, especially in his rickety truck. I found his keys and drove and found him in the front yard. As I expected, he wanted to be alone, yet he continued to get upset that I didn't comfort him. I told him he was just acting childish and I parked the car and we talked in the garage.
Long story short, we fought for hours over it, and it escalated quickly because I told him the fight was petty, that he was being foolish, blah, blah, blah... And ever since then, I haven't felt the same about him. I have been having doubts and worries because I don't want to have so much drama fight after fight in the future. It went way out of control. Mind you, he is eighteen, and struggling to get a job. We're both very stressed due to our occupations.I told him I wanted a break and that it'd be good for us, since we're both stressed out lately. I told him I am overwhelmed and just can't seem to find where my head is. My emotions are everywhere. He said, "Whatever... You're just using me. You're gonna take a break with me and then break up with me after homecoming this weekend and go be with other guys."
There he goes again... I flirted with another guy for a day or so in the past while we were dating, confessed, and then we fixed our relationship, but he holds a grudge over me, even though he said I've earned his trust back. We fought hard over this one. He said he'll be happy to ignore me if it's all about me because, "That's what you're making it out to be," and that he is so tired of me doing this and that he has cried enough over me and he's playing dirty now.
He was extremely cruel. When I started crying, telling him it's not what he thinks, that I love him and I just want to take a break for a few days, he said, "Try not to choke on your tears." He wasn't sympathetic over anything I said, and clearly, he has gotten into Angry Mode. He insisted he ignore me for two days. So far he hasn't been.After this fight, I feel scared. I feel intimidated. Okay, I made him upset... and I feel absolutely selfish and horrible. I love him with all my heart, and I don't want what we have to crumble. But somehow, I feel like I can't let my emotions adjust again after our most recent fights. I can't even get the guts to say, "I love you," which is something we say to each other all the time.
Any advice?
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- From: lovelikerockets422@xanga
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Comments (28)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppublBujhPU&feature=plcp
He was being childish. You rightfully pointed this out. So far, so good.
Then you asked him for a break. That's when your spine turned into jelly.
If you aren't sure of where this relationship is going, BE OPEN AND HONEST WITH HIM. Don't be spineless and say "Oh I think we need a break." Say something like, "After your last bitchfest I'm not sure how I feel about you anymore. I'd like your input on the issue and want to know if you think we can work through this." Honesty, I know, what a novel idea! But think about it - this is a situation that can make or break this relationship - honesty and clarity are critical here. Do you REALLY want to make a bad situation worse by giving him mixed messages because you're too damn scared?
Usually, people who tell their SO's that they need a break are the kinds who will use that "break" time to go check out the local dating pool. Then they'll narrow in on a target and dump the existing SO at the earliest possible opportunity.
You're not one of those folks... are you?
If you guys are barely starting college and you're already fighting like this, it's better to just leave and start fresh with new people. The real world will offer you many more fish to choose from than the small pond that is high school.
Be honest with yourself, be honest with him, without name calling. Just tell him how you feel not how he is acting. It may be time for a break or it may be time to move on. You should be able to resolve your difficulties without screamfests and crying. You need to learn to communicate together in a constructive way. Good luck in the future.
I feel like you should have let him cool off instead of running after him. Give him some space, let him cool off then talk it out like adults.
You guys are in your teens. Do you think you will marry each other? I'm asking sincerely. You're young, not out of high school, and have tons of opportunity as soon as you graduate. To move, travel, and go to school! Where you will meet tons of people.This boyfriend doesn't seem to have any aspirations for himself, from what you say with the added immaturity he is showing you. He will grow up eventually, maybe in a few years. But you shouldn't be punished or waste your time with someone who doesn't appreciate you, is hurtful, and so immature.
If you can see a life without him and it is better, move on.There's no reason you should feel intimidated and scared by the one you love.No advice, but I feel ya.
Gosh. You're just a hot mess aren't you?
I say end the relationship. Doesn't sound like its a pleasurable one, and when someone says something like "oh, you're just going to leave me after blah blah" it usually means they are controlling.
I think He was overreacting and at the beginning you didn't do anything wrong (not liking his joke), from what you described that's what it sounds like. Though, there are 2 sides to every story. I also have a hard time with my bf's jokes b/cuz my sense of humor is selective and let's face it men like to make women laugh and feel like "the man", it's just how it is. It's kind of hard for me to tell you want to do because I don't know you or him (and this issue you have is really legitimate complex stuff that couples deal with a lot. Not the usual BS that's posted on datingish, no offense datingish!) so I'll just give my 2 cents, but use your own judgement on what to do.
I think you should just focus on something else for a few days. Don't stalk him, don't blow up his phone. You already tried to explain yourself telling him "it's not what he thinks, that I love him..." But it seems like he wasn't in the mood to hear your side of the story. If you feel like calling/visiting him then do it, but if he is a still a total jerk about things, then don't argue and don't keep pestering him, give him a few more days to calm down. In the meantime occupy your time with positive things like work, school, hanging with friends or family, your hobbies such as music perhaps (but no sad love songs), or even volunteering. Mayb in a few days the ice around his heart will have melted? I hope things work out in the finish. Good luck!
Dump his ass and move on. Simple.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - I agree with him.
And don't take his comment as any kind of harsh criticism. It's constrtuctive advice. You're still young and you will have many opportunities to be both harshly crticized and constructively advised. Here's a chance to learn how to tell the difference between the two.
Why stay with someone if you're constantly fighting? You're only eighteen. It's highly unlikely that your relationship will last through your first year of college, let alone any further than that. Believe me, life is too short to stay with someone who makes you miserable. And he's right to have misconceptions about "taking a break". For the most part, it's code for "I'm going to talk to other people, and if it doesn't work out, I'll come back to you"- if you don't want to be with him, break up with him. It's not fair to string him along.
I used to write weblogs like this about someone I cared about. We dated for forever with all kinda of all out brawls with below the belt moves. He was terrible and we were young and I thought a strong woman "put up" with whatever. Putting up with nonsense was even easier because I loved him despite it all. Hell those fights were deemed hurdles, like somehow it was an accomplishment that we were still together afterwards.
Here's my advice. Do what feels right. Love will take its course and hopefully you wont burn more important bridges. Like the ones of parents or true friends. Pick up a hobby. I swear I never thought I would be at this point where I could say I had no more feelings for the person I thought I was going to marry, but actually it feels pretty awesome not to love or hate that guy. Also, know that yes, it will suck, and yes, it might get messy, but the more you keep yourself busy doing something positive the better. This will go by before you even know it. :)
Truly sounds like teen angst. This is nothing compared to what you'll encounter in the real world. Find comfort in that thought, at least.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - I agree with what he said. How can a bacteriophage with an afro be wrong?
Also, if you want drama. Stay with him. If want less drama, then don't try to be in a serious relationship in your teens/early 20s. You are going to grow up, mature, and change in so many ways during this period. It takes a lot to stick with a person while you are growing up. It requires you to be able to learn to love a person as they change and become an adult, and it means you have to continue to share the same goals in life (or at least be able to accept and support wanting different things in life). The two of you can't even make jokes without a making a teen movie production over it.
I think...
I think......
I think it's really weird that you had to drive...to find him in the front yard.
" His little brothers were worried and scared and insisted I drive to find him. I do not have my license yet, and I am a very nervous driver, especially in his rickety truck. I found his keys and drove and found him in the front yard."
@Under_the_Ghillie@xanga - Lol! I was thinking that too!
Thanks everyone who has commented! I really have gotten a lot of good advice, and I'm a sucker for constructive criticism. It's nice to hear from a fresh eye.
Anyways, I'll give everyone an update. Friday, my boyfriend picked me up, and it was a bit awkward at first, because we were silent and nervous, but he anxiously apologized for his immature behavior, and I apologized for being so vague about the whole break. We had a good night and worked everything out. We went to homecoming Saturday and had an awesome time, and things are going very smoothly.
Again, thanks guys! I've taught myself to be better at communicating with him.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - Thank you for this.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - This definitely worked. Space is good!
@Under_the_Ghillie@xanga - Haha, thinking back, it was a bit silly!
@Paige White@facebook - Thanks for the advice, but I'm very stubborn and not one to give up, especially on love. Why let this break us apart? We grew stronger and that's really reassuring :) I'm 17 lol... so...I am old enough to have my license, I just don't for personal reasons.
Thanks for commenting! :)
@maybmaybnot@xanga - Thanks so much! I cleared my head, gave him space, and in a day things repaired easily. It's definitely taken a lot to get used to my boyfriend's joking too! Things are working smoothly.
@TeamBranham@xanga - Thank you
@lovelikerockets422@xanga - Yay!