Sunday, 30 September 2012
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Haven't Met His Parents and It's Been 8 Months!
This post was submitted by Patricia.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 8 months and I still haven't met his parents.
He has met my grandparents (I live with them) and my parents. We live 31 miles away from each other, but I think it's weird that I have not met ANY of his family.
What should I do? Should I be worried?
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Comments (25)
then tell him.
Ask him why?
Ask him. Maybe he doesn't like introducing partners to his family - he may just be a private person or maybe he's had bad experiences in the past. I've got no intention of bringing my boyfriend home anytime soon, because my parents put this added pressure on me (I live with them) to tell them everything and when things go wrong and I'm upset, they feel awkward around him again once we've made up. They know I'm in a relationship but that's as far as it's going to go.
I'm in my (very) late twenties, and I haven't even told my parents I'm in a relationship. Doesn't mean anything in terms of my affections for HIM, because I completely and absolutely adore the person I'm with. It has more to do with the relationship I have with my family. Parents will remain ignorant of his presence until they absolutely have to be introduced.
You can always bring it up, right? Maybe he's not really close to his family.
No, you should chill. It's only been 8 months, not 8 years lol.
Chill. It's really not that weird, and it doesn't mean he's hiding you or anything.
I don't like to introduce guys to my parents. We're an Asian family and my parents have Asian values. Therefore, I will not be introducing any guys to my parents until I'm ready to get married.
My last boyfriend kept pushing the envelope and insisted that I tell my parents about us (because in his family, they introduces SOs) even though that's not how MY family works. Well, I told my parents. It did not end well, and I went "I told you so" mode on my boyfriend and I was resentful towards him for trying to force his family values on my family.
If something similar were to happen again, it's a simple NO. And if my future SO can't take it, then we're breaking up.
Please talk to him about it. We could guess why you haven't met his family, but we really don't know. Ask him. Today.
Good luck.
It's not uncommon. Ask him why. You've only been dating for 8 months, that's really not that long or serious (unless you're like, under 21).
We didn't meet my brother's gf until they had been dating for 2 years because we weren't really in a place to meet them, there was a lot going on, etc.
Then again, could be a bad sign. I never introduced my ex to my family because I knew I was going to break up with him.
It may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with his family.
But like others have said, ask him.
I never introduce my parents to guys I've dated. Also, this is because I don't see the relationship going anywhere and I don't want to go through that whole ordeal. I guess this is bad advice haha.
Eh not a big deal... I met my bf's family around a year into our relationship, they didn't even really know about me until then either.
Some guys seriously just don't care to share anything with their families, it may not be anything to do with you at all. If you want to meet his family, tell him that.
He could be ashamed of his family too, you wont know until you ask!
Hate to be the one dissenting voice here, but I dated someone for 8 months who never introduced me to his family - and it was because he'd been cheating on me for 6 months with someone who got all the girlfriend privileges I didn't.
The best way to get a handle on these kinds of situations is to have an open talk with your SO.
Heh it's the opposite for me. Been with my boyfriend for a year and 5 months and I refuse to meet his family because his mom is a sensitive, clingy, needy and psychotic bitch. Conversely, he's been trying to get me to meet her.
I think your case is much more common, and as the others have said, you probably should just have an open talk with him. If you're not on the same page (maybe he doesn't see this becoming long term), you should probably leave as soon as possible. On the other hand, there may be something about his family that he wants to hide.
If he lives with his parents then I think it's weird. Can you only go to his house when they're gone? Do you only see him away from his home town? Do you hang out with his close friends? Are you both "in a relationship" on FB?
he's either ashamed, or not ready to take that step. Ask him up front if there's a reason, his answer (or lack of explanation) will tell enough. It may not be the right time and depending on the seriousness of this relationship, it may not even be necessary. Maybe he has different values than you on family introductions. I wouldn't be worried because f it was meant to happen, he would have offered the opportunity. Don't pressure the guy though - guys HATE pressure.
I don't even consider 8 months serious enough. I'm going for the long run before we meet each other's parents. And anyway, my last ex had a crazy bitch of a mom who he involved/involved herself way too much. So yeah, safe to say I'm taking it easy.
I really didn't want to introduce my SO to my parents. I waited a while before they saw each other. My parents and I don't have a good relationship and they were abusive towards me when I was growing up. Maybe your boyfriend doesn't have a good relationship with them?
I like meeting my SO's parents. Moms love me. Dads not so much, but I like to think that it's because fathers are pre-programmed to evaluate all boyfriends (and potential son-in-laws) along a series of strict parameters. Those primarily being "Accept and befriend boyfriend or reject, kill, and bury boyfriend in landfill". Therefore if you look at it along those lines, I'm not doing so badly.
That said though, I'd only think it's weird if he's going to great lengths NOT to introduce you to his family or flips out if you mention it.
Hah, i was with my boyfriend for two years before I met his parents. He didn't even let them know we were dating for about a year and a half. It doesn't mean he wasn't committed, it's just a big deal in his family.
If he doesn't want to tell them, don't fuss. He will when he is ready.
Maybe try asking him about it instead of the internet.
8 months isn't really that big a deal, and you live far away from each other so it's not like you're just a few blocks away. I was with my last gf for around 4 years before she ever told them we were together. But if it bothers you just tell him. Don't use the fact that you've introduced him to your family though, because then it just seems like you expect him to act like you, which isn't fair.
Lol. My aunt always tell me, "if he doesnt wanna introduce you to his family, HE'S NO GOOD"
Eh. I say, talk to him and see what vibe you get. :)I dated a man who LIVED with his father, and he DID not want me to meet him AT ALL.
I never really question him about it. I was like "whatever".
But i also dated men within a month I met their moms.
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - So glad somebody SAID this. I know if I would have everybody would had been, "RAWR!!!!!"