I
already mentioned the “nice guy” I’ve been seeing lately, but I haven’t told you how nervous his sweet gestures are making me. Not because I don’t appreciate them but because I’m in complete disbelief!
My college boyfriend made me feel really lame and ignored me to hang out with his hipper friends. After we broke up I entered into a long-term mess with a recovering alcoholic who often needed my financial assistance.
Is it bad if I feel like all relationships eventually go south, and that now I'm just waiting to see what's not-too-nice about this new guy? Here are the nice gestures that I’m talking about:
- He waited until our fourth date to kiss me because he didn’t want to get me sick with his cold.
- For that fourth date he bought wine and took me to watch the annual nesting of Swift birds in a chimney (I guess they fly all the way from South America just to spend winter in this one place in Portland). He was bummed about not being able to find a South American wine, which is adorable. We also originally met at a bar called The Swift Lounge and I suspect this was a sort of romantic tribute to that first meeting.
- He always walks me to my bus and waits with me, even when he has to work early the next day. Another night, we stayed out after the bus stopped running and he paid for me to take a cab home. My ex never had enough money for that kind of chivalry.
- Rather than just getting me drunk and then trying to get in my pants, he offered to cook me dinner for our first over-night adventure. This is a huge deal because of
my celiac disease! He asked me what kind of foods I like to eat and read all the labels on his sauces to ensure they were gluten free.
- I texted him to thank him for walking me to my bus again last night and he responded, “No problem. Thank you for being awesome, fun, interesting, smart, and beautiful :) ”
In addition to these things he is successful in his chosen profession and is part owner for an awesome pizza shop. My ex was so artistic and flighty that he rarely had a regular job, and never figured out what he wanted to do with his life.
Should I be building these little things up in my mind and feeling uneasy, or did I actually just find one of the good ones?
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Comments (35)
In my experience, guys who just want sex or something casual, do not spend the night cooking a complicated gluten free meal.
I say innocent until proven guilty. He sounds nice and caring, but looking for flaws will inevitably lead to flaws, even if you've imagined them. If the relationship doesn't work out it means you weren't suited for each other, not that he was secretly a douchebag the entire time.
@Pure_Taint@xanga - This.
He's almost certainly putting his best foot forward, but I think that's a natural part of the dating process. He's flawed - everyone is - but I think that the amount of effort he's going to for you probably means that he's a genuinely good guy and is likely to continue being a genuinely good guy even into a relationship.
Try not to expect the worst from him. It might be difficult, but it's not fair to him - or to yourself - to expect this to go south because of what has happened to you in the past.
Is he ugly, overweight, small, dumb, short or never had a real girlfriend before? If not, then congrats, you've found one of the rarer good guys. But if he's lacking in some departments then he might just be doing nice things to overcompensate. People also put out their best face when entering any kind of relationship because they know that first impressions matter. Keep that in the back of your mind but don't question it too much and just enjoy his company.
It seems to be like you've met a good guy. I hate when girls pick apart everything a guy does for them - NOBODY is perfect, and yes, at the beginning, you are out to impress regardless of whether you'll admit it or not.
normally if a guy does something completely unrealistically awesome, like buy you a round trip flight somewhere or something crazy, THEN i would say "too good to be true". but these are just little sweet nice things that guys will do if they really like you :) i know the feeling though quite well. i tend to appreciate things, keep my guard up a little just since its new and you never really know at first, but try not to be too paranoid because that in itself creates issues that don't need to be there :)
don't write him off too soon. he seems like a doormat the way you've portrayed him, but you know him a lot better than i do (obviously). i would feel really bad if a girl decided i was "too good to be true"...then again, if she had that kind of self-esteem or baggage, it's probably for the better.
Wow that picture is spot on.
It isn't exactly "good". Unless you spend more time worrying than you enjoy spending with him, it isn't exactly "bad" either.
What @Pure_Taint@xanga said and DEFINITELY what @daydreams_nightmares@xanga said.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga -
"i would feel really bad if a girl decided i was "too good to be true"
= 'Unless she's some 40+ year old at a lock in.'
"...then again, if she had that kind of self-esteem or baggage, it's probably for the better."
= 'But if she's ugly and knows it, I would rather her reject herself so I don't have to waste my time doing it.'
*shakes head*
He sounds like an honest to goodness sweet guy... My Oma would call him a keeper =)
(and she would know, she told me the same thing about my hubby, and she was right)
"Rather than just getting me drunk and then trying to get in my pants, he offered to cook me dinner for our first over-night adventure. This is a huge deal because ofmy celiac disease! He asked me what kind of foods I like to eat and read all the labels on his sauces to ensure they were gluten free."
That alone is worth the price of admission. Glad you found yourself a decent guy!
Seems like a pretty good guy. Looks like it is going well.
You mentioned not too long ago that you were not wanting a serious relationship though, and were seeking to break your pattern of long-term dating. Is this posting a sign of that paranoia peeking through? You may have to have a talk with him sometime about that.
There are actually good guys out there :) Enjoy it!
i feel like the only person i know who would do all that just to get into someone's pants is barney stinson.
He is putting in a lot of effort for you! Guys don't just do great things for nothing so he likes you. Receive it, give him some love too, and enjoy it!!!
Seems like a good guy.
a too good to be true guy would cook dinner for me while dressed in a bowtie and tarzan loincloth. then he serenades me as his glistening hot tall bod beams of sexiness
he takes me to his treehouse as we lay naked looking at the stars
he wakes up earlier than me and surprises me with a freshly plucked mango for breakfast. we hug for the rest of the day
On the flipside. If a woman wasn't suspicious If I treated her just as kindly, I'd be supsicious of her lack of supisciousness. Something to ponder.
He sounds sweet and thoughtful. There are a lot of guys like that :). @Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato@xanga - yuuuuuuuuuuup agreed. guys who do stuff that's really over the top tend to have issues...
Believe me when I say guys don't go THAT out of their way for girls unless they think something's there.
The best you can do is attempt to do your best for him and if he does end up with something stupid, then it's his problem not yours. you would still be awesome.v--OMIGOD, if you don't want him i'll take him!
He sounds truly awesome. He is definitely looking out for you. I would say go with your heart, and see to it he maintains the same degree of chivalry throughout your time together.
Φ ≡
Amusing is being single for a long time and not actually dating in that time line - that is very odd indeed. Makes me wonder what on earth...scratches head..LOL am not that ugly..LOL
He seems like a good guy! Don't be too negative about your relationship... remember not all guys are the same, he might actually be one of the rares ones out there!
:)There is an implication here that you don't feel worthy to be treated well. Stop that. You are worth it. He is happy to have you!!
If you like this guy...enjoy the time spent with him. Appreciate his good qualities and do something special for him, too.
Good luck on embarking on a new relationship which sounds like you have a caring guy.
Christy
Speaking as a cynic, I wouldn't trust him. BUT i also wouldn't show it. Take him at his word and give him enough rope to hang himself. Eventually, true colors will show. Hope he is being genuine, but even if he isn't have fun in the meantime.