I seem to have gotten myself in a pickle. This guy and I have known each other since we were kids (we were more like friends then). Not that close, but in contact. Over a year or so the topic has come up for us to hook up. I asked once but he never got back to me and I left it. He once again messaged a short while back and asked but I said no (as I was getting over someone and was not emotionally equipped for a hook up).
A few months later I asked him but we never got back with each other to go through with it. So he messaged again, I agreed, and we went on to making details like when and where.
But here's the thing, we don't talk. At all. It's just awkward. I've never been in a situation like this but I find it weird hooking up with a guy who I just don't talk to other than making the arrangement to do so. Which is kind of a turn off.
I think I assume we were friends with benefits, but maybe this is a booty call kind of thing. Is there a difference?
Is my thinking wrong? Or is there supposed to be some sort of communication (not something emotional or romantic)?
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Comments (26)
If you don't want something emotional or romantic, then conversation shouldn't matter. You can't be friends with benefits if you two don't talk enough to be friends, so obviously this is a "booty call."
The amount of thought that people put into arranging casual sexual encounters is sort of staggering.
My friends with benefits situations just kind of happened. There wasn't ever making arrangements. We went on one date, started hooking up, and never moved past that point. This sounds more like a 'I need someone to hook up with for the moment' situation. Friends with benefits is more consistent, at least in my opinion. My fwb and I used to go out on occasion, but we mostly just hooked up. We also talked a lot and got along really great, but I didn't think he wanted anything serious and he thought the same thing for me. I was only 17 at the time and he was probably 19. We weren't having sex since I still hadn't started doing that, but anyways, I do think that in those situations there does need to be some sort of communication just so both people know that they're on the same page. If my fwb and I had talked more emotionally we would have realized that we both liked each other instead of having it happen five years later when he had a girlfriend and I was in the middle of a bad break up. Yeah, it can be nice to just have the hook up, but I do think there does need to be some sort of communication, especially since you don't want to be hooking up with someone you know nothing about (i.e. they have stds or something). I guess I'm kind of split on it though, I don't think fwb situations need that much planning, but there does need to be a comfortableness with talking to each other.
Whatever happened to finding someone in a bar and never hearing from them again? In my experience, casual sex never works out with someone I've known for a long time. The only successful situations are with strangers, so long as you're safe and intelligent about it.
@DrummingMediocrity@xanga -
That just pulled the breath right out of me.
http://youtu.be/EzeDqRhM09w
It's booty call. There is no "supposed to be", it is whatever the two of you make it. If you're uncomfortable with it being silent, then stop hooking up with him and find the level of relationship you want.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - Don't worry. I have sex regularly with one person who I am fully emotionally and physically connected to, and I never once wish he were you.
Its a question of "do I wanna get fucked or not?"
@deadasitgets@xanga - Truth has rarely been said in so few words.
@DrummingMediocrity@xanga - You just said it in one.
Yes there is a difference between booty call and friends with benefits.
When you're a booty call -- he doesn't see you for anything other than to get some.
When you're friends with benefits, you actually do other things besides hooking up -- going on outtings going to parties "together" hanging out with friends, etc. etc.
Booty call is when you only keep it in the bedroom and nowhere else...so yeah, it was a booty call.
Usually they say if you just want to hook up, friends with benefits booty call sorta thing with someone the less you talk or hang out outside of the sex the better. They say the more you do the other the greater the chance one of you will catch feelings and then want more out of it. If you've been friends or known each other since childhood it shouldn't be so bad,
In any situation that you don't like, you have the choice of a) put up with it, b) ask for what you want, or c) just leave/end it. I don't think it matters what your arrangement is called; you would like to talk to him more, without significantly changing the rest of the 'relationship.' So, start a conversation. Or put him and yourself in a conversational situation...easiest way I can think of is spontaneously get food before the encounter (nothing fancy). I think one of the things about casual encounters is that you don't have to worry about what they'll think. So stop worrying, and demand/get what you want!
the only communication is std results, but if it is a fling, then do they really go through the "hassle" of seeing medical paper work since it defeats the purpose of easy sex. I don't get how some people can have hookups. I personally feel it is like jumping in the rotten landfill and having sex with a filthy used sex toy. omg...I'd probably have to have severe self hatred or depression and not care in order to hookup. to each their own
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - I agree with you and I love your bluntness. Also, you're adorable.
@Guest - I never understood the real difference between FWB and a relationship. If you get along well, hang out together and have sex... how are you not in a relationship? The only thing I can think of is a lack of affection, but that's impractical for most females. The first guy I had sex with had a situation like that with me, but I was in love with him and it turned out he was trying to get back with his ex, and I proceeded to fall apart. I would never get involved in such a mess again.
@DrummingMediocrity@xanga - To me you can still be friends with a friends with benefit because no emotions are involved. If it becomes a relationship and ends messy then people wouldn't want to see each other anymore. friends with benefits if both ppl have other people then they can still be friends easily even without the benefits. yeah i hate it, too when guys act like they're interested then they go back to their exes. it isn't even a new girl it's an ex.
You're really, really over-thinking this. If it happens, it happens.
thanks guys! I don't think I am going to do it.
If it's not what you want, let him know. Start a conversation.. today.
Its supposed to be a hookup, and nothing more. What else were you expecting?
Friends with benefits means you're friends (friends talk to eachother, at least here and there.) A booty call is benefits only, conversation & friendship not assumed or required. It is what it is, don't expect anything more. It's sex. If it's good sex, keep doing it. But don't expect emotions or a conversation.
a booty call is a booty call. it has nothing to do with actually speaking.
this phrase "hook up" is one of my pet peeves. ppl are not bracelets, necklaces, or chain link fences...no hooking whatsoever. Just say "have sex" cuz thats what it is anyway. And regarding your post I wouldn't advise you to have casual sex with someone you don't even have conversations with. If you caught an std from him or got pregnant that conversation would really be even more awkward than in a actual relationship. But if you do choose to have sex be safe and have fun!
lucky lol.
that stock photo depresses me. it is actually bigger on the front page.