I was struck by a comment left by a Datingish guest on my
most recent post:
Finally a good post about a guy...I was beginning to think all guys blogged about on here are monsters.I'm not a guy but it's refreshing for a change to see that there are good guys out there other than the one that I know.
Why is it that even though we are all searching for happiness in our relationships, it can be so much easier to share the bad stuff than to good stuff?
For me its because I feel guilty gushing to my girlfriends about the nice guys when they’re dealing with jerks. I listen to them talk about their dating horror stories and then clam up about my own positive experiences.
Do you feel like you’re bragging when you’ve got a happy dating story? Would you rather commiserate with your friends about their bad dating experiences than their good ones?
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Comments (19)
Most of my friends are single...so I find it hard to "brag" about my happy relationship, only because I don't want to make them feel lonely or jealous of me. We all talk about our bad relationships, though.
lol, most of datingish posts are about heartbreak, fail relationships and the likes. Hardly anyone happy with their relationship would post here.
I don't really talk to my friends about relationship-related topics and generally avoid the subject altogether. It's not that I feel like I'm bragging so much as I feel like it's just a personal matter.
I would rather commiserate because I like building my friends back up after they've been crushed. I always have the right things to say to get them back in the game, but as for happy dating experiences, I'm an optimalist. I try to keep things working the best they possibly can all of the time, which usually means I give good advice but I have a tendency to look for problems in my own relationships (but do so in the hopes of resolving them so the relationship can be that much stronger and more amazing every day).
i have no "bad" stories, just funny ones. isn't that the whole point of dating?
i *love* sharing my stories, though i suppose i tend to get more enjoyment out of sharing the funny ones.
I rarely submit posts, but I share as many "brags" about my guys as "ugh" stories. It depends on the guy which type of story I have more of. But I promise ALL my friends know the romantic stuff my guy has done, I'd rather have them envy me than pity me
Most people like to complain. I save my happy relationship anecdotes for my parents, when I share them at all. I feel less of a need to share happy things than to get sympathy/advice for bad things. I think that's normal.
yeah you're right. especially with my single or dating friends I do find it difficult to talk about the good parts of my relationship. It does make me feel guilty.
I made it a habit not to share things about my serious relationship because I didn't want my friends to judge me as being a bragger or feel like I was with someone who didn't deserve me. To be fair, I should have told them because he didn't deserve me, but I feel like when people talk about bad things that happen in their serious relationships their friends and families see the other person in a bad light. My sister complains about her boyfriend more than she compliments him, and it makes me not like him as much because I think he doesn't deserve my sister. So sometimes it's bad to complain about things like that. I do talk about my bad dating stories though because they're funny. I always go home and giggle about them. The bad/funny stories I tell my friends because I know I'm not going to go out with that guy again.
Yeah, I can't tell if I'm making it up in my head or if I'm actually sensing it, but I don't like to tell people and even family how awesome my boyfriend is and how he spoils me and treats me like a princess (just like that) because I can sense a weird tension... I tell the bad/funny stories instead. I put all the good stuff in my journal to keep those memories forever :)
I tell my mom and dad things, but not my cousins or friends or coworkers... not even my best friend. I once told my best friend about how I'm being treated so well, unlike with my previous boyfriend, and she kept bringing up how he used to be interested in another girl back when we were in college and how she overheard him telling someone else that he was going to take her on a date to here and there and etc... completely unnecessary, and I felt like she brought it up so many times on several different occasions to try and throw some turmoil into our relationship, but good thing I'm not like that. I put the past in the past, and he's with me now :)
I think sometimes people are more inclined to talk about the bad not because of guilt or fear of looking like braggarts when stuff is going well, but rather because that's when they feel the need for additional support and advice when it's not. I know that it's true for me.
If anything, I'm unlikely to talk about great things in my dating life because a fair number of people find my relationship set-up (open polyamory) immoral. I'll tell my friends about great dates and things my SO(s) and I are doing, but I keep it to a minimum around someone whose moral values I don't know - I'd prefer not to isolate myself from classmates and coworkers I'll have to continually see.
good things is relationships are when you die a little inside... its not something to brag about...
you'll lie to yourself and think its good, but it can sound good to any ear, so you'll say it...
No one is truly happy. Its all settling.... what you can get for what you can give...
Lol Thanks for noticing my comment! For me, I'd actually get tired of hearing a friends horror stories over and over about guys and even a wuss guy friend always complaining about girls. I'd say suck it up they just weren't the one for you. I wouldn't think that she was bragging if she told me she finally found someone to make her happy...as long as it wasn't any of my ex boyfriends or anyone I'm interested in. The only way I'd see her bragging is if she specifically said, "Look at me I have a great boyfriend and you don't." If she was talking about she's always happy because of him, I'd be happy for her.
People are such debbie downers always complaining about how this and that sucks.
For every bad situation there's always some good in it.
I'd like to read more posts about how dreamy their date went. I guess for now...I'll just swoon myself silly with my own thoughts about my crush. I saw my crush today and...*exhausted sighhhh*
Oh and tell your friends that if you can't talk about how happy you are in whatever relationship you're in then they can't vent to you about how cruddy their relationships are. People's negativities are clearly dragging others down. It's basically say if they can't find a happy relationship then they don't want you/don't want to hear about yours. Now that's not fair is it?
It just depends on who you talk to. There's usually more to say about the negative experiences than the positive.
You can only share happy stories with friends because they're the ones who will be happy for you; strangers will just compare your stories to their own lives (and secretly hate you for it).
But everybody likes hearing about other people's problems because it helps them forget about theirs....or allows them a window to offer up advice (and hear themselves talk).
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yeah you're right. especially with my single or dating friends I do find it difficult to talk about the good parts of my relationship. It does make me feel guilty. woven labels