Sunday, 23 September 2012
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Is it Worth the Risk?
This post was submitted anonymously.
I never had the typical college experience. I was snatched up by a great guy my freshman year and we ended up dating for a year and a half. Since then, dating hasn't come easy. I've been on some unbelievable first dates; one guy texted the entire time. With my lack of excitement, I found myself giving up.
Then, I started thinking about my best friend. Let's refer to him as Jack. He's a guy I also met when I started college. We used to constantly joke about how we couldn't STAND to date one another, it wasn't even an option. Back then it was absolutely true! As we've grown closer and time has passed, he has been a loyal and helpful companion to me. He even got me my latest job.
He's everything I could ever want and it didn't really hit me until recently. No, this isn't out of desperation! I am fine with being alone and if he shot me down it wouldn't affect me. But I'm not sure if it would bother him.
Lately, I've made some life changes to be happier and I've included him in almost all of them. Just today, he was saying how much more relaxed and fun I am. Recently we started heavily flirting, mostly with a few drinks. But today we were watching some bogus reality show and he was lying on one end of my couch with his legs on me, while I was on the other end, with my legs on him.
I asked him if he wanted to just spoon so he could see better. He didn't hesitate and he had that one "pillow" arm out for my head to rest on. Yes, we've snuggled twice. And for once we are both single. For once, I'm seeing how amazing he is and he's seeing a new side of me. I think we've changed a lot in the past 2-3 years.But I find myself questioning if it's worth it. Should I wait and hope he makes a move? What if he thinks it's just casual? What if he feels so awkward it ruins our friendship and puts an end to our joking flirtations? If I don't do anything will I regret it when he finds a new girl? Help me Datingish community!
I can't lose his friendship, he means the world to me. But I just wish he'd stop stroking my hair and snuggling with me and start doing more!
I'll accept any advice!
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Comments (28)
Go for it! :)
Go for it. You'll regret it if you don't.
He likes you, and it sounds like you two could have a great relationship.
You guys used to joke that you two would "never date each other?" most obvious sign of flirting I've ever heard.
I think you should go for it. And I think you should make the first move. Chances are fairly high he's facing the same dilemma as you, and you're likely to stalemate it if you wait for him to initiate something.
He makes you happy. He seems supportive. He returns your affections. It's a potentially fantastic relationship.
I don't spoon with any one, unless I'm into them. Kinda takes a lot of intimacy to do those things I think, that friends just don't do with comfort. That is just my experience though. So I say, just ask him if he is into you as opposed to going in for a kiss and he swings his head the opposite direction. lol.
i'm SUPER flirty with my girl friends--i have no problem doing anything ranging from grabbing asses and cat calling to cuddling on the couch or sleeping in bed together. but i never spoon with them. in fact, i bet he's thinking the *exact* same thing as you are, i.e. "i wonder if she's into me/is this worth the risk". or maybe he just wants to be fb's. i don't think there's anything wrong with that, though i personally prefer not to do that.
on a tangential note, it's stories like this that make me say this whole concept of "friend zone" is bullshit. girls want to bang their guy friends all the time. "friend zone" is just their way of saying you're an unsuitable mate.
Make a move. Snooze and you'll lose.
Say something. Good luck!
I say go for it just like everyone else.
Suck his tonsils out. Leave no doubt.
ur a fckn idit
--Yao Wentiao
P.S. -- Loosely translated, it means, "Go for it, noob."
Most confusing part of the whole thing is how can you both lay on top of each other with his legs on top of you, and your legs on top of him? Were you guys in a pretzel position? Or was it more along the lines of an infinity circle with legs crossing over one way and the other. So intrigued by that portion.
Anyway yeah just tell him you like him, sounds like a nice enough grown up enough man to take it and not make it weird if he doesn't feel the same.
@JusticeCho@xanga - lounging on the couch scissoring with their legs in the lesbian sex position.
These are the best relationships. :) Really. Do it.
Took my best friend ~4 years to come to the same conclusion you recently did. And we're about to wrap up an amazing year together. And if it doesn't work, if you really mean that you can't lose the friendship, then you won't. You'll make it work.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - (a) girls aren't the only ones who friendzone (b) the friendzone is a lie, anyway :)
@galliver@xanga - yep, i came to the conclusion when i was 21--which i know cause i remember having a discussion with my friend's girlfriend about it on my 22nd birthday! haha.
@JusticeCho@xanga - sounds like a mobius strip. i bet one could construct a topology that describes what you did, haha.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - That was my first image too, but male and female 'friend' in a scissor position while watching tv is just strange.
You have to say something now, otherwise it will turn into just being cuddle buddies, or drunk makeouts when you're both single. Maybe FWB. But if you say something, or ask him out on a date (make sure he knows it's a date), you have the chance for a real relationship with a guy you like and know really well.
Go for it!
Which is worse? To make a move and it not work out, and you guys move on as friends..
Or spend the rest of your life wondering "what if I had.....?"
Or you could just TALK TO HIM. Tell him straight and honest how you are feeling.. He might just be feeling the same way.
Love is ALWAYS worth the risk.
talk about it with him first?
As someone who has been in the same position before, go for it. Besides, I don't know a single who would spoon or play with the hair of a girl they're not interested in. If you don't, you will ALWAYS wonder what could have happened. Regardless of what you decide, let us know, okay?
i feel almost in the exact position right now. i don't want my "new" best friend, to go away because he feels awkward that i have feelings for him. but this is like the 3rd time i've had feelings for him over the past 9 years, and of course we've never gotten together, and i don't know if it's just because i've never said anything, or if it's because we aren't meant to be together. i've been meaning to tell him something, but there hasn't been the right time. i do think that if he's really THAT great of a friend, it shouldn't matter if you confess your feelings for him. but on the other hand, i've been thinking that in my situation, he IS that great of a friend, and i do want to keep him as a friend, for as long as i possibly can.
"if he shot me down it wouldn't affect me"
If you kinda want it, don't do it. If you really want it, and if it would crush you to lose this oppurtunity, then i'd say go for it. Never wait for someone else to say what you feel.