This is a long story, but I'll try to be brief.
This guy and I were classmates and good friends from 6-9th grade. During that time, he developed a crush on me and I had a crush on his best friend. Teenage angst and love triangles ensued. This was all in accordance with our age and our drama and exaggerated problems were, of course, the center of our world.
Anyway, this guy's crush on me developed into something a bit more intense.
From the beginning, I knew that we would never be together and my feelings toward him would never be more than friendly. I finally let this be known during one of our many phone calls, when he told me that he loved me. I didn't believe him. I'd heard stories from my friends that he'd been photoshopping pictures of my face onto naked bodies, telling my best friend that he would kill himself if I didn't like him back (he was 15 at the time).
To make things more strange, he would steal my socks and keep them by his bed. As you would imagine, I was creeped out and slightly disgusted.
I always felt kind of sorry for him. He is in no way good-looking and the crush, which was slowly growing into something like an obsession, seemed to cripple his social life. But I kept things on good terms with him. Then we went to different high schools. To keep in contact, I would get an occasional hand-written letter from him, but nothing really crossing any lines.
Two years ago, I graduated and moved to a different country. After one year, I came back for the summer and who was the first person to call on my home phone? None other than that guy, asking if I wanted to meet up. Innocent enough, I thought. We met up, though I made sure to have a friend along to keep it from being awkward.
This time around was different. I could feel it building back up to what it was when we were teenagers. He's lost 110lbs in one year and seems to think that I should be attracted to him now because of it. Not the case. I thought we could be friends because of how many years have passed, but it is starting to become uncomfortable again.
It started back up with him just liking every single thing I did on Facebook. Then him commenting and posting on my wall constantly. He started calling me just to talk, expecting me to be on the phone with him for hours at a time, with nothing really to talk about. He texts me all the time saying things like, "Watched this movie, made me think of you." I stopped answering when I knew for sure where this was all leading.
The thing is, I feel like I'm leading him on because I'm nice to him. For anyone else, that wouldn't seem like the case. But this guy seems to read into everything I say. Today he called and told me he's bipolar and that he was having a panic-attack. I was in the middle of something, trying to drive and help him out at the same time. He told me he'd been suicidal for two years and was being medicated for depression. He said that when he feels bad, he thinks of me and it makes him feel better. I had no idea what to say to that. I really don't want anything to do with him and have no interest in speaking to him ever again, but him saying that makes me feel obligated to "counsel" him.
He seems to have this has image of me, being perfect and lovely. I may have been a better person, back when we were kids. But I'm not like that anymore. I'm bitter, cynical and I care less about people than I used to. I've become more selfish.
If I can help him feel better, my being uncomfortable around him shouldn't be more important than his mental health. Right? Or should I say enough is enough, because I honestly don't want to be dragged into this or be a part of his life at all? What would be a good way to tell him that I want him to leave me alone, without being mean and depriving him of something that helps him when he feels depressed, even suicidal? Or should I just shut up and endure his awkward advances on me out of respect/fear?
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"He seems to have this has image of me, being perfect and lovely. I may have been a better person, back when we were kids. But I'm not like that anymore. I'm bitter, cynical and I care less about people than I used to. I've become more selfish."
Um, then care more about people, you cynical, selfish bitch.
You see, unlike him, you get star treatment from everyone, so when he treats you well it doesn't mean shit to you. Maybe if you felt what he feels, you might understand what it means to actually care about someone and not be seen as an "obsessive stalker".
You think you're cynical? Pffffffffffffffffffffff.
the world would have so many fewer problems if most guys would just get some fucking game. i guess it's less competition for me, though.
as for this guy, it's not your problem. try not to feel too bad about it.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Lol. Guys that truly have game don't think they do, nor do they need it. They simply are themselves.
Don't listen to a word of what T3hZ10n has to say... He always comments on posts about being more caring or not jumping to conclusions, but doesn't actually follow his own advice.
I've been in a similar situation before and it's very scary, actually. I know what it's like to really care about this person, but at the same time it's very awkward, overwhelming, and suffocating. I would talk with him once more and be completely honest with him, without being mean. Just tell him you're not interested in being more than friends, that he's being overbearing and it makes you uncomfortable for him to say these things to you and act like you're his girlfriend, and say that you care about him but it's really making you uncomfortable and that it's making it difficult to remain friends. I ended up really backing off with my friendship and over time, he really backed off, too. We are now friends and he understands that we will never be more than friends. But we hang out now and he's a great friend to have.
No matter what others say about this situation, you deserve to be happy and to not be pressured into (or made to feel guilty) being more than friends with him. He shouldn't make you feel guilty at all. That's not a true friendship.
Good luck, and remember that you deserve to be happy!
xo
If you don't have the heart to tell him to fuck off, you should have the heart to give him a chance to let the friendship grow into something more. Stop being such a passive bitch. If you can't take control of the situation, maybe he can, after all that's what men are for.
Either give him a chance or stop being single and let your man tell him to fuck off. Otherwise shit like this will continue to happen and you will continue to spread your responsibility onto dating forums instead of an SO or yourself.
@learningtolive_again@xanga - Excuse you?
I would recommend a nitroglycerin tab to a person having a heart attack, but I wouldn't take one with them, nor have I ever taken one. Just because I don't follow it doesn't mean it isn't good advice, genius.
You ever think maybe I don't follow my own advice because I don't fucking need it or generally get myself into situations I can't handle in the first place?
"No matter what others say about this situation..."
The difference between you and me? I invite conflict whenever I can handle it.
http://youtu.be/PsO6ZnUZI0g
(1) If he was creeping on you long ago, why are you still friends and/or nice to him. How the crap did he get your socks?!? To me, that is crossing the line and a friendship/deal-killer. Any contact should have ceased then. I feel for you, but you have dug yourself into this hole.
(2) In addition, how many phone calls, messages, likes or comments a day on FB is stalking or creeping? How many is regular conversation? I go through my news-feed and like whatever I want, so if someone doesn't post very often, it could seem like I am liking everything they post, when in reality, I have liked, commented, or shared on many more friends pages than their own. Sometimes, stalking is relative, especially if you already admit you are not attracted to the guy. I once heard a female brag about how much a guy called her, only later.. once she didn't like him, he called her exactly the same but then she said it was stalking. To me, he was acting the same. If she didn't like him, she needed to say something. He was not stalking, it was her perception. So, it really does kind of depend.
@Doubledb@xanga - "I once heard a female brag about how much a guy called her, only later.. once she didn't like him, he called her exactly the same but then she said it was stalking."
Lol... welcome to my life.
I've had a girl (well, the girl in my case) complain that I didn't talk to her enough, and once I did, she called me a fucking stalker, only later to complain again that I didn't talk to her enough... only to later call me a fucking stalker again... etc.
That's what happens when women (or strangers) give women advice. They (temporarily) get all bold and uppity while not having a fucking clue what they're talking about, but because there are enough of them arguing at once, they argue just long enough so that your point gets deluded and you can't fucking prove them wrong before they walk away and do it all over again then come back and blame you for it.
"Strength in numbers", maybe, but "truth in numbers" is bullshit.
I call it "God's Delusion".
As mean as this may sound, just tell him. I've been through a similar situation and the only way to fix it was for me to be like, "I think you're getting the wrong impression somewhere and I think it's best for me to explain this to you as simply as possible. Although you're a great friend, I don't seem to have feelings for you the way you have feelings for me and it's honestly starting to make me a little uncomfortable. I just think it's best you know how I feel so that you can attempt to meet someone who feels the same way about you that you feel about them."
In my situation, it worked perfectly. We were even able to remain friends without the "awkwardness". If he still doesn't get the message, it's time to cut off all contact. Show him you mean business and you're not just "playing hard to get". Good luck. [:
I feel ya! I was being nice to my stalker and he took it the wrong way. Then he calls me a high maintenance bitch when I'm mean to him. I rejected him nicely the first time around and he just wouldn't take it as a hint. I said I didn't want to date anyone right now and he took that as a sign thinking maybe I'll want something with him in the future. Then it got nasty and he was literally such a huge baby.
I finally put him in his place after 10 months he finally got the picture and backed off me. He was like this toward me on the 3rd day he has ever hung out with me. Damn and I thought I have been clingy at times this guy is the icing on the cake of clingy-ness. I'm not sure why people would want to continue to pursue people who constantly insult them to try to get them off their back. I guess they get off that shit. I almost took this crap to court if he wasn't going to back off.
Be nasty when need be because people take advantage of nice rejections.
Fake your own death, lol.
No, but really, just cut him off from your life. He needs to deal with his own problem. You don't owe anything to him and by trying to be "nice" and "save him" you're actually just hurting him more. Just wish him the best of luck, recommend a good therapist, and walk away.
@learningtolive_again@xanga - Ditto I'm really getting sick of his dumb "advice" as well. Sometimes I think he's tripping on some sort of acid. On one post he said that if the guy says he loved a person on the first day of ever meeting that person then people should take what people say at face value. Don't feed the troll.
@Guest - You can take a person to court for loving you, but you can't fucking win.
@Guest - You just fed the troll while saying "don't feed the troll" dipshit.
Get some self-awareness.
@Doubledb@xanga - Again... "truth in numbers". They would take a guy to fucking court before they would give him a chance romantically, thereby spreading responsibility onto a jury both morally and financially, wasting everyone's fucking time and money instead of dealing with their own fucking romantic issues.
change your phone number, delete him from facebook and other contact sites. I changed my phone number before and it was free because I said someone kept prank calling me, so the customer service girl waived the fee. however, changing/deleting him won't really work since he's already stealing your socks, so he somehow trespassed into your home or wherever you kept your socks at for him to easily snatch. that's kinda weird...sniffing your crush's socks
why else would he steal them
there isn't really a good way to tell him off. don't lead him on by gradually fading away with less and less social network, phone and text contact. did you post sexy pics of you or with friends on your facebook? he might be more obsessed due to the sexiness if you did. I had a guy obssessed with me because he saw me naked. I saw his stuff, too
then I became obsessed
then I hated him. he still liked me. now we talk again. if I was a guy, I'd be obssessed with me, too
the dancey/booty shakin thing I did whilst in my frilly barbiedoll short skirt
I was hypnotized by my own booty
anyway, your crush seems scary. he kind of reminds me of my dramatic grandma, who threatens suicide and wants attention, but when people pay attention to her, she thinks they are annoying and can't stand them. then they ignore her, but later she feels lonely and then whines that nobody cares and cries for attention again.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - That IS the difference between you and me. When I talk, at least I make sense. Your comments are just delusional and so is your thinking. But, of course, you think you're above everyone else. I'm sure that's gotten you far in life.
@learningtolive_again@xanga - I cracked up when he said datingish commentors piss him off as though he doesn't piss other people off. He's really laughable and isn't worth the headaches. Just learn to ignore him and say your opinions. After all, I would take what he says with a grain of salt -- he doesn't want to date because he's pathetic and can't get anyone. Don't worry he's just a loser who starts fights on datingish all the time because he has nothing else going for him and no one to keep him company except his hand.
P.S. I think he needs to get laid. I can see all his pent up frustration about to burst. Then again, he can't even get a girl for a one-night stand, lol
@T3hZ10n@xanga - You should buy yourself an escort and have casual sex. Clearly you need to get laid. How's waiting for some emotional bonding sex doing for you? LOL.
@Guest - Hahah I actually remember that comment... Lol!
@Guest - What does that say about you when you would take a huge baby to court? Then you're just on a mission to prove you're the bigger fucking baby. WTG. You sure showed him.
@Guest - I'm waiting for the love of my life to wake up and realize I am the love of her life (again). You got me there... it fucking sucks like you wouldn't believe.
"The difference between you and me? I invite conflict whenever I can handle it." - Self
@T3hZ10n@xanga - Listen, bud...instead of knocking on casual sex maybe you should actually try it. Stop taking your pent up anger out on datingish commentors. it's not datingish commentors' faults that you can't find anyone to have emotional bonding sex with so you give up and don't even try other options. I'm all for people not settling but sometimes people just have to live with what is handed to them -- so go buy yourself an escort and have a bow chicka wow wow time. You need it.
@Guest - Lol! Maybe if he wasn't so crazy, he would be able to get some. I always love his comments about dating when he obviously has no experience of his own. To him, a simple "hello" automatically means you HAVE to love that person and get married. Because, of course, that's totally rational thinking. Has he dated or married every person he's talked to? Nope! But then again, that would require a person to actually like him.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - Be ready to keep waiting for your "love of your life" to "wake up." You'll be waiting for the rest of your life!
@learningtolive_again@xanga - Hahaha I can see why no one in real life wants to date him, especially if he acts this way in real life as he is online. I can barely stand his arrogance and inexperience with dating here. That jeni check in the losing my virginity and friend at the same time post sure seems to take a liking to t3h. Although i think it's him on another account pretending to be a girl and giving himself props. they should hook up!
@learningtolive_again@xanga - "The difference between you and me? I invite conflict whenever I can handle it." - Self
I am fulling willing to wait the rest of my life if that's what it takes.
"A pure fighting machine with only a desire - to win a war that someone else lost. And if winning means he has to die - he'll die. No fear, no regrets. And one more thing, what you choose to call hell, he calls home." - Trautman, Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985)
@Guest - Lol... every single girl rougly my age that has come to my house has had a crush on me and has wanted to date me. The irony? You should see my room, it's fucking disgusting. Now THAT says something about my personality IRL.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QnFRtfVqUs
Some strippers are the perfect looking 10 you're searching for. You shouldn't deny them just because they're strippers. After all, they are never going to deny you unless you don't have money.