He asked me for my number, he has to call first. It's only been 2 days since our initial meeting, he can listen to my voicemail until day 3. It's only our first date, I could give him a kiss on the cheek. It goes on & on. The do's and don'ts of what is acceptable in the realm of dating.
Quite annoying if you ask me. Since when did the interaction with another human being become one of such a checklist fiasco? I wouldn't have believed people really went to such extreme depths if I didn't hear it for myself.
I was on the bus the other day heading home, when I overheard a conversation by two grown women. By grown, I mean...over the legal drinking age. One of the women was describing and explaining her meeting a new guy and the days that had previously followed. I honestly found myself confused when I glanced around at them and saw that these weren't teenagers. The conversation had to be a joke that I clearly had the misfortune of being in the earshot of.
During my 30-minute bus ride, I listened to this woman (let's call her Peggy), go down the specifics of the things she'd checked off on what she'd done on her date. I found it intriguing, yet hysterical. Loosely in her words--
I waited about two minutes before I answered the door when he rang. I acted appreciative, but not eager. During our dinner, I left out any information about my exes; that's date three conversation. I let him know I was interested in what he had to say, but made it clear I could hold a conversation as well. The lists went on and on and on. It was almost as if she was following the rules of a "how-to-date" help book. In fact, I was almost certain she was.
So I found myself really questioning, do women, or even men, actually do that? Prepare for a date, down to the actual specifics of your behavior?
What ever happened to going with the flow of getting to know one another? I mean, I'm all for the "make your first impression, your best impression." But, I'm not one for false personas, or implications of what you think the other person WANTS to hear, rather than being who you actually are.
Have you ever created a list of do's & don'ts to follow through when it comes to dating? Or are you one who believes in letting the chips fall where they may?
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since you made it clear she was pretty young, i'm going to go ahead and guess that she's just not that experienced (which is fine). just like writing an essay when you're in middle school, you have a checklist on how to do it right, but by the time you graduate college you've (hopefully) made it a subconscious process.
making homeboy wait for 2 fucking minutes is ridiculous, though. i would've started hitting on some random girl in the street by then. in which part of town were you? cause i'd classify the ladies in park slope on par with those in the city, which means i pretty much can't go more than 3 minutes without hollering at some chica on the street.
My relationship policy: Anarchy.
What better way to find out what the other person is really like than just going for it with no "do's and don'ts"?
Datingish commentators have pissed me off, and my ruling is this:
F0r th€ n€xt w€€k ¡ w¡ll b€ typ¡ng my c0mm€nts ¡n l€€t sp€@k.
Hmm I've asked similar questions in the past. Dating on the whole is super confusing to me, the rules behind dating are even more confusing and tricky. I don't really understand any of it. The thought of going out with a girl who was planning every interaction based on some rules for how to get a man would be so discouraging if I could tell or knew what she was doing as well.
Hah, I am definitely a "act 100%" myself which is probably not the greatest to do on first dates but whatever. I don't see the point of putting up a "perfect front" for 3 months and then letting your true colors show.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - Bahahaha datingish commenters have pissed you off?! The feeling is mutual, Mr./Ms./It know-it-all.
I just wear a v-neck sweater and take her to Taco Bell and see how she reacts.
I would say just be yourself i think its crap to . To be like dos and donts . Im like nervous when i go on a date and get butterflies so i cant really think about that crap . I just let the guy talk and then i will talk thats the whole point is getting to know eachother and spending time together . Want to make it fun and relaxing and comfortable .
dating do's make sure u make eye contact . ummm make out and ummmmm go to the room :)
do: make him realize what a prize I am
dont: wear underwear
brushing teeth, showering, looking adequate for where we want to go. I think presenting yourself as a decent human being at first if you are interested in someone is a given. Which doesn't mean I don't say I disagree with something when I do.
personalThe picture is funny...once I read in some magazine that do's were talking about music and activities and don'ts were talking about religion, politics and psycho-stuff. I think the don'ts are pretty important and often decisive for a relationship, so why not check that out first? why all the effort when someone turns out to be a selfish misanthropist? One of my personal 'rules' is to check that out I guess. If someone thinks that sucks they are too superficial for me.
BUt like I said it's a
rule, fitted to
myimagination of a relationship not necessarily someone else's. People can have their own rituals and set certain requirements that the date has to fulfill to be dated again, but should stop telling anyone else what to do.
@themillionairess@xanga - hahahahaha. i loled at that.
but like, we should definitely hang out sometime.
It's really annoying when peeps want me to commit like I'm some kind of a trophy or medal. For the first couple years I'm a toy to play with, that's all. Dating rules ruin all the fun.
Some people need the rules. Some people have the knowledge from the get go. It's like when you go to school. There are those cool kids. How did they get cool? They just are. The rules are kinda like a guideline. Some people are just in the dark when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex. Now I don't play by rules anymore, I found someone that completely accepts me for me and there never has been any game playing. But in the past...yes I remember checking off the list. Remembering things my mom taught me like, "Guys always call the girls, girls don't call...so I had to figure out a way to get him to call me!" Please don't be too hard on those that need those guidelines. They are just searching for a way to reach out and connect with another person. And sometimes for some people that is hard to do.
I'm socially awkward, and so if I want anyone to even take a glance at me, I have to follow a list. And then when they realize I'm normal I hit them with the weirdo shit and start acting like myself.
If I'd ever dated, I might be able to say I would never follow a list. It just seems ridiculous to me. Be who you are, that'll be the only way to know if you're compatible.
But since I met my boyfriend in high school and we started dating spur of the moment, not too long after we met... I dunno a thing about dating. And I probably never will. It will be our 5 year anniversary in 2 weeks.
xX Ame ~*~ Hana Xx
don't...send drunk texts too soon
I don't ever create a list. I want a good time and a connection to come naturally. If they don't like the way I actually am (very affectionate, somewhat clingy, caring, easily entertained, easy-going, informative, and slightly jealous) then it's not meant to be, and it won't last in the long run when they find out there's no way I'd wait two freaking minutes to open a door, that's just inconsiderate. As long as you present yourself accordingly (showered, fixed hair, brushed teeth, etc.), then I personally believe the rest shouldn't be you acting the way someone else thinks you should.
Ahh why would you ever do that? Just do what feels right, not what you *think* you should be doing. Its not a game, there aren't specific rules and time limits to follow. I will literally never understand that thinking.
Until my senior year of highschool, most of my relationships had been pretty juvenile (duh) but the summer before, I had actually been asked on a few dates. I dressed how I felt the occasion called, I was ready at the time they specified, and I acted appropriately to the way I felt about them. No mysteries, no silly games. Thats how it should be. Just go with the flow.
I agree with you. If you go into a relationship doing this and doing that (aka not being your actual self) then you are wasting both of yalls time.
There are a lot of clueless people that need someone to spell out the rules for them. But people that know what they're doing have an intuitive approach to things and can bend, break, or re-write rules as they see fit.
honestly. when you feel like you have instant chemistry with that one boy. dos and donts won't matter.