Wednesday, 19 September 2012
Post submitted by Datingish reader Nona.
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now, we're both 21. We started dating in high school and left for college together. In the beginning of our relationship, I was at a rough point in my life. My relationship with my family was bad and I leaned on him heavily. I found myself falling apart through the first few years of college. For the first time, I didn't have to be that strong person in front of him. I didn't have to have a put on a face for the world.
Recently, things have been going downhill. We go to school out of our home state. He is always talking about going home and seeing his friends. I personally wouldn't care if we didn't return this summer.
Because of this, I feel as though I can't make a big investment in our future. I can't invest in a car, because he wants to go home and we wouldn't be able to drive the kind of car we can afford there. Every month he owes $500 out of pocket in tuition. It's been three weeks and he has yet to talk to an advisor concerning this. Last year it was only $100, which we could afford. I can take out a loan for $5000 in my name, but I haven't told him this. I don't think it would be fair for me to go into more debt.
I feel as though I play the typical woman in the relationship, which I hate. I do all the cooking, partly because I don't like him to touch my food. But he absolutely will not eat without me. He would rather starve than make his own. I also do the laundry, clean the room, do the shopping for groceries and wash the dishes. I've never wanted this in a relationship and I hate the fact that I feel this way.
The romance department has also declined. We've both gained a significant amount of weight, which I also think is a contributing factor. I don't feel the same as I did before. I don't feel butterflies, or excited or any sexual anticipation.
I've been wanting some time to be alone. I went through a lot that he's helped me through. However, as an adult, I have never been by myself. I don't even know what it's like. I don't want my college experience to be one of suffocation; having to come home and cook dinner for two.
I do love him. I have love for him and I care about him. But, I am also afraid to leave him, because he will most likely go back home and not finish school. I do enjoy his company and we can still have good conversations and spend time together. He is there for me at the end of the day. However, I don't want to reach the end of my tether. I don't want to wait until I absolutely hate him.
Is this slump normal? Am I being too idealistic? I feel like I have love and have found someone I love, so why am I so ungrateful?