I am completely undecided between two guys; please help me pick one.
Dylan: He's in my grade and he is completely in love with me. He would do absolutely anything for me but he tries to go too far sexually, and I don't like it. I've told him my boundaries already before but the next day, he acts like they don't exist anymore. He's kinda' cute but very clingy and protective. He always has to know who I'm with, where I'm at, when I'll be home and all of that.
I'm 14 and he's 15. He is beyond sweet and has this whole idea of us being together forever. Our parents get along really well and my friends like him but I don't really get that "spark" with him much anymore. However, I still love him. He would never let anyone hurt me and he would give his life up for me. I've been dating him for almost 6 months but it seems like I've known him forever.
He always texts me "good morning" and "goodnight, beautiful." He's everything I wished for but now I don't know how much I actually wanted what I wished for just because he's so protective.
Trey: He's a year younger than me and he's really cute, funny, nice, and sweet. He really cares about me but not as much as Dylan. I haven't known Trey as long but he has always been there when I needed him. We are way cuter together and I get more excited when I think about Trey. I get that "spark" around him and I'd rather hangout with him. He's not so protective but he still cares and wouldn't let anyone mess with me.
All my friends like him and think I should go with him. He always texts me and calls me. He makes sure that I know he thinks I'm beautiful. Any time we hang out, we have an amazing time no matter what we're doing just as long as we can be together.
I am honestly torn and heartbroken on who to choose. Everyone tells me to follow my heart but I really don't know how. I'm going to be heartbroken either way because I'm going to have to lose one and they both mean a ton to me.
Please help me. I keep catching myself tearing up thinking about it. I'd do anything to just know the right decision.
Recommend
Comments (43)
You're in your first year of highschool and you're already worried about guys?
Focus on getting through highschool first. Please stop letting your ovaries dictate your primary concerns. You'll have plenty of time to let them dictate your needs once you're older.
you're too young to be having to deal with lots of pressure to have sex, so go with Trey, have fun and let the other guy move onto gals that want to do what he wants.
Which is it either he is forcing you to do something you dont want (which would hurt you emotionally) or he would never do anything to hurt you?
You are responsible for creating your own happiness, but you're not responsible for the shattered souls and broken hearts you leave behind in the process.
@alterEGGO@xanga - He can't do anything to hurt her emotionally, she is responsible for creating her own happiness. She is hurting herself (sarcasm).
I absolutely fucking hate people and their bullshit rationalizations.
You shouldn't have to put up with a boy pressuring you to go further than you want, being possessive, etc at any age. He doesn't forget your boundaries, he doesn't care about them. The idea of forever in high school is silly as is the idea that relationships will always have a "spark". You have plenty of time to find the guy you will be with forever.
Trey seems like a nice guy and you seem like you enjoy hanging out with him. Enjoy spending time with him as well as other people your age. Yes, high school is about learning responsibilities, but it also gives you a chance to learn to juggle having a social life and other responsibilities, so have fun. Don't get tied down to anyone. As far as having your heartbroken, it's going to happen.
I have been in this situation back when I was 19. If you can't choose between two guys, it's NEITHER. But, you're young, so date whoever and when that ends, date the other! Have fun!
Focus on studying.
NEVER choose a guy who pressures you into anything.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - that's not cool. She's a kid. Let her be a kid.
To the OP: Other than the fact Dylan 'forgets' your boundaries, it sounds like you have a choice between two pretty decent guys. You are just going to have to follow your heart. What does it tell you?
@Gaia - You don't need a boyfriend to "be a kid".
omg, chose neither and go read a book or something -_- choosing who to date isn't like choosing which shirt to wear, where it doesnt matter which you chose really. theyre HUMAN BEINGS who can mess you up if you make the wrong decision. if you HAVE to chose, chose the one you're more attracted to, which sounds like trey. also, you can't always tell how much a person cares for you.. maybe trey cares for you just as much as the other dude.. either way.. whoever you chose, it's not going to last! just don't do anything stupid..
Focus on school, not boys.
Basically just follow johnny depps advice.
http://quotesfactory.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/love-the-second-one-johnny-depp-quote-670x466.jpg
Also just from reading the first sentence when you describe the two guys, you seem way more into trey than the other guy. Also if he's already super clingy, possessive, and disregarding how you feel at 15 then it's probably not too good idea to just stick with him because you feel like he won't ever hurt you.
When I was 14, I'm pretty sure I still thought boys had cooties.
from your post boy#1 is showing some huge red flags.. He is not respecting you, he is possessive, clingy and controlling... HUGE red flags for a future abuser. Take it from someone who has been in an abusive relationship, run from this guy please!
I wonder if you are feeling the spark with boy#2 because he is new and different.
You are so young... Forget the boys for a couple of years and focus on your schooling. There is plenty of time for dating later.
No offense here, but posts like this irritate me...
You're
14honey! PLEASE, stop worrying about boys right now. Graduate high school. Go to college. Get a good career. Take care of YOU, before you worry about getting serious with someone.
And also, you're dealing with just that. Boys. Not men. I mean, come on, you're still in school.... do you really think these boys are gonna man up, and do what's necessary for the real world right now, when they don't have to? They don't have jobs yet, they don't have to worry about bills yet, they're still depending on their parents right now for things, just like you are. It's just ridiculous to think about "being together forever" when you haven't dealt with the stresses of life yet together. You'd be surprised how often that can tear things apart.....
But hey, I don't know any of you, soooo..... *shrug* Just my two cents....
@Youcantsavemenow13@xanga - Amen
You can have them all. Teens are the years where you make mistakes, make wrong choices and learn from them.
Ummmmm I guess everyone forgot what it was like being in high school seeing all these condescending, yet mostly well meaning comments about focusing on school.
It's easy to get wrapped up in a particular boy, but don't take these boys too seriously, choose whichever one you have fun with, because inevitably, college comes around, other girls and boys mature and start looking more attractive than you/ the boy you're interested in, shit happens, you fall apart, you find someone new, and the cycle keeps continuing until you land the one you want forever. I think what most people are trying to say is to have fun and don't take boys too seriously/don't make them a priority over your responsibilities to yourself/ your education, etc.
Also, please don't get pregnant.
oh god you're 14, worry about other things
Wow, all these people going, "OMG UR 14 GO FOCUS ON SCHOOL. SCHOOL WILL GET U THRU LIFE!1" Yeah, because when you're in college none of you have boyfriends even though you're still in school, studying for a degree that most likely takes a lot more effort than getting that high school diploma. /sarcasm
You guys are awesome enough to judge a girl's life and aren't being very helpful at all to her current situation. You don't know this girl, you don't know if she's a straight-A student or a straight-D student. How do you know she isn't focused on school too? You all act like she's only focused on boys. Judge much? I know when I was 14, even though I wasn't dating and wasn't planning on it due to extremely unattractive genes, I still noticed the guys. It seems like all of you don't remember how it was like to be fourteen.
As far as advice goes, it seems like your heart's not really on your current boyfriend. Whatever the outcome is, you should probably dump him if this is the case.
you're 14, focus on school work and not boys..
Most childhood romances rarely last so I don't think it really matter who you choose in the long run. Have fun with exploring your emotional development, it's all a learning experience for when you actually become an adult and have to deal with a mature relationship. Think of it as practice for the real thing later so don't take it too seriously. Good luck.
It sounds to me that Trey -- the younger of the two -- is by far the more mature and level-headed one. If you really feel that you have to make a choice between the two, go with him.
And if Dylan really is octopus (as in he has more hands than one), and it bothers you, say something to your parents about it. If he won't pay attention to what you say, maybe he will pay attention when one of them says something. (Or to quote a T-shirt I saw recently, "Guns don't kill people; dads with pretty daughters kill people.)