Tuesday, 18 September 2012
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Cruel and Unusual Dumping
What really suck about being dumped is thinking that the other person doesn't care, especially when they break up with you in a nonchalant way like text message. The other day I read some particularly harsh break-up text messages posted on Will Ferrel's Twitter. My last break up was pretty bad as well.My ex asked me to make love one night, then broke up afterwards. Turns out he found another girlfriend, which he failed to mention. I had the pleasure of finding out on Facebook, which is always a pleasant surprise.
I sometimes wonder if the dumper ever feels remorse for hurting their exes or if they get off emotionally scott-free while we toil in our bed listening to songs by Adele. One of my friends said he broke a heart, but stills remembers that person fondly, even when this person sends random, drunken hate emails.
So I am wondering: All the dumpers out there, how do you remember your ex especially if the break up was painful for them? Are you regret and remorse free? Or do you think about that person from time to time, even while in a new relationship?
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- From: SandersIsWondering
- Name: SandersIsWondering
- About Me: I'm just a young lady blindly navigating the unpredictable and winding roads of love. Inspired by iconic, hopeless romantic Carrie Bradshaw, I decided to document my own mishaps in the dating world. I got into my first relationship at 19 and it looks like I have a long way to go and a lot to learn. These are my stories so far...
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Comments (45)
Gurlll this is like my life story. A while back in 2008, I had met this guy through one of my "friends." I knew his cousin from music camp but I ran into him randomly while out one night. He tried to hook up with me and that's when I told him I only hook up with people who plan to at least stick around or date. So for a week he attempted to woo me, I finally gave him a chance. Once we did the deed, he broke up with me literally the next day. A manipulative asshole. I didn't want to do it with him right away because I had that same exact feeling that he would do such a thing. I need to listen to my female intuition more. It's eerily always right about someone. Just a matter of me listening to myself or not.
Oh he didn't feel bad about it at all. A week later he was jumping some other girl's bones. Assholes will be assholes. I'm shocked that he actually didn't pull that shit with the next girl. And during the 3 days i was official with him. one of his psycho exes immaturely tried to start a fight with me over texts once she saw we were facebook official. i never did find out who that crazy bitch was. i bet he didn't want to put up with it because he heard things about me or some shit. b/c before we made it facebook official, he was complimenting me to everyone he knew. once other people found out he was going out with me, it's like he cares too much what other people think. he was an unmotivated dumb ass anyway and has terrible grammar. i mean how hard is it to know the basic grammar rules? sometimes i don't capitalize things i should because i'm lazy, but at least i have correct punctuation for the most part and don't do run-ons.
P.S. Great topic! I've always thought about that too -- if they cared at all the way they dumped people. By the way, the dick that I talked about in my story asked me out on facebook messaging and dumped me in texts. He wouldn't even talk to me voice to voice while we were briefly dating, it was always texts whenever he asked me to hang out. What a loser. After we met up in person, I asked him why does he only talk to me in texts and he's like he doesn't see it as a big deal, lol whatevers.
@OP - "What really suck about being dumped..."
@Guest - "sometimes i don't capitalize things i should
because i'm lazy, but at least i have correct punctuation for the most
part and don't do run-ons."
I am in OCD Hell.
It depends on the situation, but in most situations the dumper has already lost their feelings, have already cried and hurt. So, they technically don't "care" anymore, they've already moved on.
When I read this post's title on my newsfeed I briefly hoped it would be about the worst pooing experiences we've ever had...
I have a lot of exes. A lot of them broke up with me nonchalantly through text messages, either because I am "boring", "depressing", or "clingy". But the real reasons are because I didn't want to sleep with them... so I guess they were looking for other flaws of mine to not seem like a d-bag. It was upsetting then, because I thought all four of those guys liked me for me, but now that I think about it, I don't really care. I think about one ex, who is my most recent, but we only dated for two weeks, so it's unimportant to me. I just wonder how he's doing. But most of the time, I let all the others slip my mind after I got over them. Who cares? Life goes on. What's meant to be will happen!
No one who treated me so negatively deserves a second thought. I have a guy who treats me like I want!
god your ex seems like a dick. I'm going through a break up right now - my ex told me he needed to focus on himself because he's going through family stuff (which I totally understood) but then he had sex with this girl he was fuck buddies with before me. so. didn't really understand that. but at least it helps me get over his ass.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - I recently exorcised a Chinese take-out demon from my lower digestive system. Pretty sure that's the reason why my neighbors suddenly moved out of their apartment.
"The dumpers" like it's a class of people who are always the ones breaking it off...if you're always on one side of this conflict (dumping or being dumped) you may want to reevaluate how you get into and how you act within your relationships, because clearly something isn't working. Obviously this doesn't apply if you've only been in 1-2 relationships. That's not a pattern yet.
If, like I imagine most people, you have been on both sides, you ought to know that (a) if you're dumping someone, don't be a jerk about it and (b) if someone is dumping you, it doesn't necessarily have to do with hating you as a person, so much as needing or wanting something different than what you want. And if they're a jerk about it, assume karma will get them eventually (at least to make yourself feel better): http://xkcd.com/377/
By the way, I've been a dumper before, but I wasn't a cunt about it. I just told my then-bf nicely that I didn't have feelings for him and it wasn't working out...to. his. face. These are gutless and spineless cowards who do it over the phone and texts. That's their way of telling you to not cry over them because they aren't worth it.
If I dumped someone in "dickish" way clearly I didn't care enough about their feelings in the first place to not act like an asshole and I don't think about them (unless my husband reminds me, LOL). When I was dumped in a dickish way, it hurt once, but I got over it and could care less if he is remorseful or thinks about me. After that one time, it was like there are way too many men in the world to cry about one that wasn't that into me.
I regret how I treated my ex both while breaking up and in the relationship. I now think I wasn't assertive enough in the relationship, and when I dumped him for the first time, I was not very sensitive. I grinned, because the situation was so absurd to me. I couldn't help it, and I guess you learn and grow, but next time I'll be more sensitive.
I'm the type of person who would rather be dumped than dump someone, because they get over the hurt way before I get over the guilt of hurting them. I always feel remorse, even if I was so far into the right I was left.
It sort of depends. If I dumped him because he was a crappy boyfriend, I don't really feel bad. If I dumped him for some other reason, I'm sure I felt bad at the time...but now I'm over all of them, so I don't really feel anything. (Except for my awesome one...I always feel happy when I think of him. But that was a mutual, distance-induced breakup. And also he was a great guy.)
i'm very up front with girls about wanting to keep things casual, and my hope is that i've never done anything more than a little ego bruising to any girl i've ever dated (or with whom i've hooked up). i'm also 100% honest and complete when i call it quits with anyone, because i want the same when i'm on the opposite end of things.
it seems that no one outside new york is able to do that, though, despite how "brutally honest" they often claim to be.
I've been on both ends. I've been dumped and felt that sting for quite awhile. And I've 'dumped' someone before too. I put that in quotes because it was more of a rejection than an actual 'dump'. I felt like crap for a long time because I knew I had broken her heart. I don't know how else to feel about it. Yeah being rejected by someone you care about sucks, but rejecting someone you've grown to care about who sees you as being more than you see them? Rock and a hard place.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I'll buy you a shot of cyanide if you can prove that you are a contradictory turd.
I'm currently friends with an ex who blindsided me with a breakup. One day everything seemed fine and then the next he's telling me he "can't do this anymore". I know it wasn't easy for him to do and I do wonder if he still feels bad about it sometimes. I hope not though, because I understand why he did it and truly don't have any hard feelings towards him anymore. I've told him that a few times, but I get the feeling he doesn't believe me because the breakup was really messy and I was angry and upset for a while. Whatever though. I suppose it will just take time to prove I'm okay.
I was also the dumper with my ex before that. He was undoubtedly in love with me and my feelings for him just weren't that strong, so after a long and crazy on/off relationship I finally ended it for good. It's been years since I've even seen him but I do think of him from time to time and feel a little guilty, not only because of the final breakup but because I was just such a shit person to him even during the relationship. I know he really hated me for a long time after the breakup, too.
I think if you truly care about someone, breaking up with them is going to suck for both of you. Obviously the dumpee gets the shorter end of the stick, but it's not exactly easy for the dumper either. And a lot of the time we make ourselves feel better by putting the dumper in a bad light, but in the end they were just doing what needed to be done for their own happiness, and it's not fair to blame them for that.
However, if they don't even have the decency to give you a real breakup and they just act like a jerk about it, they're obviously a coward who doesn't care about you as much as you were led to believe they did, and they probably don't feel much remorse, if any at all. It's unfortunate, but sometimes it does happen that we're the ones sitting at home crying to sad music while they are able to go on and be completely fine. :/
At the time, I was an ass to the people who broke up with me. lol. Now that I am older, and smarter. I realize how much of an idiot the guys I used to date were. Definitley regret them. I also was pretty sad when I broke up with a couple guys, but I always feel guilty, even when I shouldn't. lol.
This guy, and sadly, to this day, broke up with me and he is still completely insane to my family (not me as I blocked him on facebook and I doubt he remembers my email or whatever..). He cheated on me and I stupidly took him back and he treated me like trash. I was a bitch to him for a while, but he was always an ass to me..... Oh, and by the way, this was literally 5 years ago when we broke up and he still harrasses my family.
I think when people end a relationship, they're already over it. I've broken up with guys twice, and I've got to say, when I did, I was already over the relationship. It's not that I wanted to hurt them, but I wasn't going to cry over it because I was already "over him" before I actually ended the relationship. I don't regret ending any of my relationships - I'm much happier without those people in my life.
First girl I ever sort of had a relationship with, it only lasted 2-3 weeks, I dumped via email. I was in New York on vacation and just decided it wasn't right to be with her. So I sent an email, and broke up with her. That was almost 13 years ago and I still feel bad about it. But generally after any break up, whether I dump the person or I was the one dumped I end up feeling bad.
I do not regret breaking up with either of my ex's.. they were abusive scum bags who should be castrated so they cannot reproduce.
I've always been the one dumped because I tolerate everything. I'm glad though because my ex had sociopathic qualities and I'd be so much more fucked up if I had stayed with him (though we lasted 3 years) any longer.
I broke up with a guy over a year ago who has hated me for it ever since. In all honesty our relationship had been going downhill for quite some time (in retrospect) and it was certainly the best thing to do. He had done some cheating, we were in very different stages of our lives, had conflicting views on critical relationship things, etc. Several months after the break up I find someone new to spend my time with, someone I happened to first get introduced to while me and the old bf were still together, and my ex is still convinced that I must have been cheating on him way back when (definitely didn't happen!). I have run into him out in public a handful of times, many of which he said and did very hurtful things, once even making me cry and go home early. I wish I didn't have to be seen as a villain for him to be able to move on, but I guess there isn't much I can do. All I can do is hope I don't run into him anymore :/
@T3hZ10n@xanga - For blogs I write the way I talk. It's my informal style.