Monday, 17 September 2012
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Do I Tell Him That I Am a Secret Whore?
I have just begun a new relationship. I pride myself on #honesty. But I don't know if this is information I want to share with my new S/O he openly says how much he cannot stand people who sleep around and especially one night stands.
I have slept with a considerable amount of people. I lost my #virginity at 18 and had slept with only three people at the age of 21 (all boyfriends). Since then I have been with around 15-17 people and I am 24. I was an #alcoholic I was drunk 6 days a week, at work, at home and clubbing. I had 2 long years of a lot of one night stands, but most were people that I was seeing.
I know the reason I was doing this was because I was trying to make myself feel better. Find some appreciation and affection from somewhere.
I hate #sex and have never enjoyed it. But I wanted to so desperately that I tried to find some kind of connection and enjoyment with someone physically. I was #molested for a few years in my early teens and I don't want to use it as an #excuse but I know that from the physically abusing relationships that I have had mixed with that has had an impact on my adult sex life.
This year I have slept with three people. One was a friend and we were sleeping together from time to time as we were lonely and the other a guy I was seeing and now this man. I have not slept around like I used to for over a year . I know that I want to be with him forever and he has told me that he feels the same. I don't want to hide anything from him but is there a polite way to say, I've slept around, but I am not a #slut?
I have always been tested and used protection. I have never had an STD, fallen pregnant or slept with someone I did not know beforehand.
Should I tone down the numbers? Is it wrong to hide this from him?
I am not a bad person and would never cheat on him or even look at another man. I just don't want him to think less of me when that is no longer the person that I am. I also know that if I do tell him this he will never #trust me and will look at me in a completely different and negative light.
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Comments (66)
#ihonestlydon'tthinkhegivesafuck
but if he does, he has the right to have his own views for sex (as do you), and if they're that incompatible with yours then it's better that you're honest in the first place.
The hashtags are annoying.
Anyways, honesty is the best policy.
Good Luck.
tell him when you've built some trust and he can handle it. you want someone to love you not only when you're at your best, but also at your worst. if this is a big part of your life, or was, then eventually he should know a bit about it (not everything..) and accept you for it.
My boyfriend and I subscribe to the don't ask, don't tell policy. It's no secret to either of us that we've both had other people before each other, but we also do't let that knowledge affect our relationship. Anything that is important (significant issues like rape, STD testing, and such) has been discussed so that neither one of us has any past sexual hang-ups affecting what we do now.
As long as you fully know that you do not have any STDs, I don't think you necessarily need to tell him everything. If he asks, then you should definitely tell him, but I always see those things as personal. I don't ask guys I've dated how many girls they've slept with. If they want to tell me, that's their thing, but I don't really care as long as they don't have any STDs. On the other hand, if it was that much a part of your life you should probably tell him a little bit because he deserves to know who he is dating, not to say you're the same person, but past experiences shape who people become to an extent.
When I was 18, I knew people who has slept with over 20 people. At 24, with this day and age... about 20 people is not much. However, I did find it grodi knowing they hada let so many people have sex with them. It really isn't his business though and will only cause negative things in your relationship if you tell him. At least I think so. If you have your emotions and legs together nowadays and are fully commited to him, I don't see the issue. SO unless you feel the need to, leave that info out. If he asks, if you do not wanna speak about it do not. If you do and he must know, tell him the truth but warn him he may not like it.
SO! Those are my thoughts.Tell him. You'll find that you'll have some weight lifted off your shoulders. Since you've been around so much like you say -- he may find out from someone else. Better to find out from you.
if you thin he'll be uncomfortable with the number, just say something along the lines of you made a lot of mistakes in your past with other guys and you don't wanna mess this up with him. but if he's persistent on the number of dudes then you have to eventually tell him and be honest about how you're a different person back then.
Please stop hashtagging.
Anyway, I can understand why you're worried, but if you lie to him about the numbers and he finds out from other people (and he will, eventually) it will only make things worse. It'll make things rough and he may not like that you've slept with a lot of people, but tell him that it's in the past. Explain to him why you did it and if he really loves you then he'll understand. Neither of you can change what has happened in your past. Besides, you're clean so it should be alright.
I think if you you two truly believe you'll be spending your lives together, eventually it will come up, so you might as well tell him sooner rather than later. I would keep it vague unless he asks for more details.
I had a lot of sexual partners before my current and like you I'm clean and completely faithful. Amount of sexual partners does not determine your integrity. If he can't attempt to understand your reasoning behind your past then IMO you deserve a better man. No one really likes knowing their partner has been with a lot of people, but being a big boy you suck it up and move on. It would be a shame to miss out on potentially the love of your life simply because your partner has had a past before you came into the picture.dont lie. and dont call yourself a whore
the people, who I have known, who slept around, had underlying issues, so it isn't the number of people that they have slept with that bugs me more than I usually steer away from them because the ones that I've known were psychos or had emotional issues that they hid inside that they didn't resolve. not all are like this, but from my experiences. it just continues to spiral into deeper emotional mess if not much is done to help. so the person doesn't owe me anything. they owe it to themselves to resolve their own inner issues.
@ffffooot@xanga - I think datingish usually changes the original title of the post to grab the reader's attention and she's not the one calling herself a whore.
honey the truth will come out eventually so if you lie just a little about numbers or keep it a secret all together if ive learned anything from the wide variety of movies ive watched and books ive read its that the truth will come out and it's usually easier to hear it from the original source not a secondary.
but good luck :)
xoxo K
I don't think you should feel bad, you were molested obviously it's going to have some effect on your sex life. That doesn't mean you're using it as an excuse, it means you had to learn to figure things out and get through it. I think the key is communicating with your SO..i mean you call him that for a reason, he's you're significant other so talk to him and let him know it's all in the past.
Also the hashtags are super annoying...this isn't twitter. Sorry but every time someone uses a hashtag symbol I can't help but imagine a teenage girl going "omg".
Whoa what's with all the pound signs and the pink colors they create...argh.
If you feel like telling him tell him, if not don't. If he asks answer honestly, if he doesn't ask, it doesn't really matter. It may not be something he likes, but if you're not planning on going anywhere the fact you slept with a lot of your friends shouldn't be much of a big deal as it won't really effect your current relationship at all.
15people in 3 years is not slutty!! That's 5people a year. When you're single that's what happens... If he asks tell him, I'm sure his number would be the same.
"I don't want to hide anything from him but is there a polite way to say, I've slept around, but I am not a slut?"
What the fuck is wrong with people? How many people can you reasonably fuck over what period of time and under what circumstances before you are a slut?
I don't want to hide anything from her, and I've only smoked 10 cigarettes this week, but is there a polite way to tell her I'm not a smoker?
Um... no, sorry. If you slept around, you're definitely a slut.
Tell him what you just told us.
@Wudjudo@xanga - Ew.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - you think??!!