Thursday, 13 September 2012
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I Hate Dating!
Dating sucks! Each date is like a long list of strict rituals and protocols; nice talk and mutual compliments. If you go to a movie or concert, you spend the rest of the date discussing the entertainment. If you get a second date, you may progress to discussing work or families. Then the two of you reach an agreement on where to have a night-cap and end the "pleasant date." If sex is involved, that’s another hour of hinting around about something you both want to hurry up and happen. What a production!D and I have been dating since last December and have modified the dating ritual. Friday nights are our date nights. One Friday, she’ll pick up something to eat and bring it over, while I’ll take care of the adult drinks and entertainment (DVD’s, HBO, etc.). We get sloppy comfortable and enjoy the evening in each other’s company, without any pretense. At the end of the evening, we’ll hop in bed, love wrestle a while and then she’ll go home. Next Friday, we swap the obligations. For us it works well and covers all the bases.
Now in my thirties, I get really bored with phonies, space cadets and chatter boxes. My idea of a perfect date now is, take-out (sweet and sour chicken), a zombie movie, chilled white wine and a midnight quickie. Life is good!
Have you become one that's gotten bored with the practice of dating? Or is it something you enjoy?
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About the Author
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- From: Terri_du@xanga
- Name: Terri Palisedo
- Location:
- About Me: 28, single living in Atlanta. Budget accountant for the county. Currently going to nightschool to become a CPA. Love weekend trips, flea markets, parks, softball and cycling. I’m a proud and sensual 'feme' and a staunch advocate of the ’life’. Enjoy the company of educated and responsible Gay and bi acquaintances and believe love is truly blind and without restraints. I enjoy landscape painting and writing. Have published some poems but as of yet….no one will surrender money for my art, so that’s what everyone gets every year for Christmas. I love old movies and 80’s music. I cook about twenty varieties of pasta, all with a Spanish flare……be warned!
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Comments (52)
Hmmmm I am just in the awkward dating stage. This is the first guy I've gone at a slow pace and I have no idea what I am doing, what to do or what I can or shouldn't say! It's weird but exciting too! The 2 serious relationships I had, there wasn't dating, there was just we're together so let's sleep together and then move in. lol. But they ended horrible so I am trying the actual dating thing. At 26, it's difficult because since I was 20, I've always moved fast and it was easy because we were young. Now that I am an adult, I can't act like I would in college or high school!
Nah, you're not the only one. I haven't been on a date in almost a year, and I plan to keep it that way for the rest of my short life. It's too much of a pain in the ass, and the existence of love is questionable at best anyway.
That's not to say I won't hang out with a member of the opposite sex, I do enjoy their company more than the company of the same sex (I've never had a close guy friend), but no official dating. I also enjoy hook-ups/one night stands, but that's as far as I'll ever go with someone. Dating/official relationship? No thank you!
r u 4 realsies? while i agree that dating isn't 100% sunshine and roses, and while saying that dating has made me discontent with the female population is quite the understatement, i wouldn't say that i hate dating. i think if you're having conversation problems with someone, that's more reflective of your conversational abilities than the nature of dating.
i wish i could say this without sounding like an arrogant tool, but i can't, so i'll say it anyway...my dating life is pretty fucking exciting. here are some tips for all the d-ish readers out there who want to have as much fun on dates as i do:
- don't go to a movie, concert, or any place loud that prevents you from talking. guys, don't take girls to dinner too early on--she will feel bloated and unattractive after, and you will spend a lot of money in the process. if you do want to spend that kind of money, find an intimate lounge with low lighting.
- don't talk about boring shit like your job. no one fucking cares. i intentionally yawn when girls tell me what they do, so they get the hint. (just kidding. i only do that sometimes.) instead, think of interesting things that everyone likes to talk about. music is a good one. alcohol can be a good one, but you risk looking like an alcoholic if you do it wrong, so tread carefully. no matter what, keep it light and positive. politics or religion might be interesting to you, but it's a pretty good way to get into an argument. if you fuck up and get on that track, at least make sure you split the check.
- on that note, guys: aim to make yourself seem knowledgeable about many things, and aim to talk about approximately 5 of those things. you don't need to be an expert, you just need to know enough to be dangerous. girls won't know the difference--you'll seem like a well-educated and well-rounded person. if your lady friend happens to be an expert on one of those subjects, that's great--she will LOVE talking about it and it makes you seem interested in whatever bullshit she's spewing out of her mouth. girls love that shit. make sure you pay attention, because it's more stuff you'll learn for future dates (and hopefully, you'll learn something cool, too).
-however, don't talk too much. you also need to be a little mysterious. plus, girls like running their mouths, especially about themselves. there is a small subset of girls who are super awkward. if you can't get her to talk, rip off the band-aid and bounce. this happened to me at a bar just last weekend.
i could add a million other things, but i can't really give away all my secrets. enjoy.
My guy and I don't go on dates. We just hang out. I like it better that way. Although we did go on a trip and dressed nice date-like, etc. We go on dates once in a while but we don't even call it that.
And yes it is boring. When I had a falling out with my guy, I tried talking to other people.
Trying to get to know people as more than friends with they say one thing and do another has gotten on my last nerve.
I went to this party in my apartment complex to get to know people -- well my roommates dragged me when they knew I was feeling down about my guy and they wanted me to meet new people. So anyway, I met the guy who was throwing the party. We started talking. One of my friends stayed behind and he told me how much the guy was asking questions about me as if he was interested in getting to know more about me. I even got the guy's number before I left because everyone was like I should get his number, even the new guy's friends were telling me that. New guy has a facebook obviously, so I tried friend requesting him. I figured enough with the bullshit games of waiting a week to add someone you just met. They'll either accept you or don't, doesn't matter when. It's been a week and a half since he had the party and he still hasn't accepted my request (left it pending) and I told him it was me so he has no excuse. Trying to get a date thing is bullshit. I thought he would have accepted my request right away since I heard that he was asking a lot of questions about me after I left, and I don't think my friend would lie to me about that kind of thing.
Another d-bag that I talked to basically went back to his ex even though he told me he wanted to do this with me again some time.
I'm glad I have an open relationship that I can use as a back up because I've been with him for 4 1/2+ years. Trying to find someone new to get them to stick around is like pulling teeth. Sick of new people's bullshit. I'll stick with what I've got. Two new guys I met while my open relationship was in an argument, all both played games so fuck them.
I've been dating my boyfriend for a year, and I never really get tired of our rituals. He picks me up from school every Friday, and we usually just go back to his house and watch movies. It's not as boring as it sounds. It is a comfortable thing... a feeling where you could never get sick of it and I want it forever.
On the weekends we usually go to my godmother's or the beach, or sometimes just sit around. Occasionally, but not lately because I've been busy, we go on a date night, maybe at least once or twice in a few weeks and have a nice dinner and movie special. I'm not very picky and luxurious, and neither is he, and so it's fun just to have someone to laze around with. All my other boyfriends thought I was boring because I like to relax. Their loss!I like dating and getting to know people. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. But I don't have any rules or rituals. I just be myself - some people really take to it, others think I'm too weird and get turned off, but either way, you just be yourself in order to attract the kind of people into you.
I was once "on my best behavior" on a first date with someone, which turned into something more, but then I just got tired of it because I didn't know how to act like myself... always felt like I had to be the same person I was on the first date...the funniest guys I've ever talked to smoked weed. I don't smoke nor do any drugs, but they think I'm funny and wonder if I'm high, but I'm not, I'm naturally weird while sober
I've finally found a guy, who has the same sense of humor, and doesn't do drugs. guys that I've known liked me because they think I'm hot and they said that I'm one of the few, who can make them laugh so much. my previous and current work place is like a tv sitcom, so I might tell funny things that happened. all of my coworkers have nicknames and it is like hearing an audio cartoon when I tell it due to my cartoony voice. my bf doesn't watch tv or read news online much, and neither do I, so we were both clueless about current events and don't care if the entire world exploded, so it doesn't bother us one guy was mad into conspiracy theories. I had no idea what he was on about, but I played along and it was a hilarious time to me. I think he was being serious, and he was seriously wondering how I knew all the "secret" info from. easy, I tossed the words into the spinner and then the sentences just popped up like magic
I talk about random stuff, whatever comes to mind. talking to me is like a muppet babies adventure. even I don't know wtf I'll be talking about. if the connection is there, then the convo just flows. I won't know until I meet the individual; roleplayers, conspirators, improv mad hatters! I have to enjoy their voice though. If I find their voice annoying, no matter what they say, I'll just be annoyed and I can't go on. we get dressed up as if we're going to mambo dance on the sidewalk
Then don't do it...
People are fucking ridiculous.
most people are single because they choose to be. I am single because there really are no options poppin up :P
The truth is dating is nerve wracking because to many people have lost sight of why they're in the dating game to begin with, and lack capacity for a loving adult relationship so they 'opt out' by dating.
Its epidemic and effects us on so many levels. Children often result from even the most casual and careful of encounters, and that child many never know what a stable relationship looks like, and wil perpetuate the examples the child has learned. Look around you. How many single mothers do you know?
Its simlpy heathier to have one monogamous partner. So, I guess youve given NO thought to raising a family. Youre not a breeder, I get it. Im sterile so neither am I, but Id rather be in a relationship than "Date around " Chances are your girl is crazy about you and wants to be your one and only, but doesnt want to scare you with the "C" word. Think about it.
Your reply was VERY entertaining. Hope the dating game is kind to you...
Sooooo don't date then.
@scribbles - I'm single because of both.
@saia2 - Uh, no. I was the result of a one night stand/accidental pregnancy. My birth parents were separated for some time before I was conceived, and they divorced before I was even born. That doesn't sound much like "love" (if such a thing exists), does it?
Besides, I still regard bringing me into this world as the single biggest mistake my mother ever made, so even if that was the result of love, I'm not one damn bit glad it happened.
@secretbeerreporter@xanga -
Well, a safe bet isnt always the winning one. None the less, here you are, if nothing else an example as to why children need to see how good relatioships work, so they feel like the most precious gift in the world, and that the love between two people was an instrumental part of that childs creation. If you doubt your own capacity to love some one, then what you get is someone who doubts their capacity to love you. Im no poster child for a good marriage, my folks are divorced as well. A parent/child bond is usualy our first lesson in love. Its a by product of simple human exisistance, but if you dont belive in love, then you have no weapon against what may seek to destroy what makes you human. Weather you feel its presences in your life, its all around you. All you have to do is choose to accept it . Its not easy by far, but its worth it.
@saia2 - Well, as an adamantly childfree (i.e. I don't want children, not now, not ever) individual, I don't really comprehend that either. I have no love for either of my biological parents or my now deceased step-father at all, and what little I used to, many psychologists seem to think was merely primal (people like me are, in general, incapable of feeling love or loving). Due to nature or nurture whatever the case may be, I am completely incapable of forming meaningful bonds with human beings, including my own blood relatives.
The only exception to this: I "love," if you will, non-human animals. I have three dogs, two cats, and a snake. I'll defend any of them with my life. I can't say the same thing about any human being on the face of this planet, blood related or otherwise. In general, I can't stand the human race.
As a (sterile) abuse survivor, I had no choice but to fight for my capacity to give & recieve love and to see the world around me a beautiful. Im no stranger to those feelings you have. Surviving one suicide atempt showed me Im here for a great reason, and no matter my past, Im thrilled about it. I guess I won my battle, I hope you will fight yours.
@saia2 - my self-help book is due q1 2013. i'd be happy to autograph and send you a copy.
@loneshadow_wolf@xanga - kind of a necessary evil...
Nice!
I don't like dating either and usually don't date someone I do not consider a serious relationship with.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Dating isn't really necessary. You can just stay single, haha.
@loneshadow_wolf@xanga - haha. of course you can do that--i've been single my whole life, you're preaching to the choir :) what i meant was that everyone needs to get some. (well, almost everyone...and certainly, not everyone deserves it.)
i suppose you could throw out the idea of just banging someone from the club every weekend, but i dunno...i think i would go insane if i never had sober (romantic) interactions with girls.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I suppose if anything you could go with the friends with benefits route? Might be safer than banging a random girl from the club.
Welcome to Datingish and congratulations on your first post!