Wednesday, 12 September 2012
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How Could He Turn Into Such a Monster?
I met him around 3 years ago but we started dating 2 years ago. He was friends with my friend. He was lovely, the type of guy that you imagine staying with forever. He would buy me flowers, he was gentle and loving, caring, had a sense of humour, was handsome, and a great listener. We moved in together in November 2010, and spent some time traveling together in Australia, but in July of 2011, he started working 450 miles away.
He came back up every 2-3 weeks, but slowly things started changing. Every time he came to see me he was too tired or lazy to do anything; I could never do anything right and he became more secretive.For the last few weeks he had been calling and texting saying how excited he was to come back up and spend time with me, but he let me pick him up from the airport last Friday and then told me that he had been seeing someone else and he wanted to end things with me. He wouldn't admit how long he'd been seeing her but he said it was my fault for always working or being at uni (excuse me, who was the one that worked at the other end of the country?).
He has also demanded that I leave the apartment. I'm now left penniless and homeless. I returned to uni last year to do post-grad and he encouraged me and told me he would support me (as I was going to support him going back to school when I got a job), but he's abandoned me and now I'm left in a position where I'm struggling to afford to continue the course.I know it's for the best and I'll meet someone else, blah blah blah, but I can't understand how the man that loved me could transform into such a heartless monster. I just don't know how I'll ever trust anyone again.
Have you ever had someone completely turn on you like this?
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- From: heavy_lightness@xanga
- About Me: I'm a dreamer.
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Comments (22)
Oh yeah. First TWO marriages. Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde effect. Monsters big time! I don't know what it is. As a result I didn't want to get married the 3rd time, but finally gave in after his asking, daily, for 5 years straight. He didn't turn into a monster after marriage as the first two did. He did, however, turn out to be assexual. *SIGH* If I ever leave him on that account, which I may no matter how nice he is, I am NEVER going to marry again.
What a horrible story. I am so sorry he kicked you out with no where to go. I hope things get back on track for you!
I can't say I've experienced it to your degree, but most people's break-ups are harsh. Break ups always have been and always will be hard. But you seem to have a light at the end of the tunnel in your future degree so lift up your head and walk on.
Things will be okay again eventually. You gotta let yourself know that you're better off without him. That you can persevere and come back happier than ever.
i dated a guy for 3 years. around our 2.5 year mark, he transferred to a school 1600 miles away to play soccer. thing were working great at first until he got into a major car crash and became depressed. i could do nothing or say anything to help him like you would think i would be able to being his long-term girlfriend and all.. eventually, he stopped answering my calls and texts. stright ignored me for two weeks. i finally just changed my relationship status on facebook to single. he texted me that day and said sorry things didn't work out, i just need my time to recover and find myself again..
dont worry. it happens to the best of us. it took me two years, but i finally found someone who i love more than i could have ever imagine loving my ex. trust me, things will get better and you'll soon find out the reason for all of this. stay strong!
Yeah, yeah... guys are Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde, but at least they're obvious when they change and at least you know which one they'll be next based on which one they are now. They could be like women and slowly, deliberately turn into something wholly unrecognizable.
You should be thankful men are as predictable as a lightbulb... they're easier to replace when one blows, and it's nothing compared to the hellish mess left behind by a broken lava lamp.
Long distance relationships are really hard and take tons more work than regular relationships. I am sorry things didn't work out, but only he can answer your question. When he wasn't satisfied he should have said something. When you felt things slowly changing, you should have said something to him. I am sorry that he abandoned you. Like some of the others said, there are other men out there.
thats a lesson to learn be selfish, i am married and ive been doing all types of sacrifices for my family and my husband in five years have not said thank you once its ok to love and give but first love yourself save the better for you and then give
This is exactly why you should never rely on a significant other to pay your bills. I'm sorry this happened to you so quickly but you really should have been financially independent in the first place before going long distance with him.
i mean...does it surprise you that after he broke up with you, he didn't find it necessary to pay your tuition or have you living in his apartment? what would you have done in his shoes?
as for blaming you for always working--i can sympathize with the suboptimal financial situation you had, probably limiting your financial ability to travel. but did he offer to pay for you to come visit him? i kind of feel like there's another side to this story.
I'm so glad I don't depend on guys for this type of stuff. I'm paying for my own place on my own dime so I don't have to deal with this. Roommates are different that depending on significant others. If a roommate moves out I can easily find another roommate without it being nasty and awkward.
This sucks that happened to you. Do you have parents you can turn back to? Sometimes you just have to crawl back to mommy and daddy even if you don't like it. School's important. You need that degree to get you your better paying job if you don't plan to start your own business.
He met someone else, it's not your fault. He should've broken up with you when he first started his emotional affair. Instead he tried to make excuses and blame you. Such BS. But not all guys are like that :/ (Well,...)
my aunt stayed with her emotionally and physically abusive husband because she was financially dependent on him and also stayed together for the sake of the kids. because of her horror situation, I will never financially depend on a guy and feel stuck. my aunt is the stubborn type and would rather stay with her husband than with her aging parents, who have issues with their own situations, so moving in with her parents or other dramatic siblings wasn't exactly a safe haven for her and she didn't have any reliable friends. I make enough each month to afford at least 3 months, so I've saved up at least an extra 2 months rent each month and if I ever lose my job for whatever reason, I can temporarily live off of that for a few years. if I upgrade, then I won't be able to save that much, so I'm okay with my modest living conditions despite being able to afford a nicer place. I rarely use the kitchen and living room, so my modest place seems way too big or I'd rather convert the kitchen into a walk-in closet
I went off topic and was talking about remodeling
I've known some family and guys do a 360 degree spin on me. I've cut them out of my life and haven't talked to them in years and I don't miss them. some of them miss me but the likely case is often because they want to borrow money, but no way. in my experiences, lending money often leads to drama and a bitter outcome, so I won't lend nor give away any of my money. I'm not cheap, just don't want drama nor do I want to feel used. he should give you at least a 30 day courtesy notice to find a new place and not just kick you out. it sounds like he was trying to get you occupied and too busy, so that he can have his affair with the new girl. I've been in drama with my family and I've since moved far away from the drama queens and have a new life
Still though, I can't believe he did that. At least make sure your friend is safe and secure before you leave them or send them to dumpsville. I usually let them hang around as long as they want.
Friends are the best. I keep all my friends.
he shouldn't have started seeing someone else while it overlapped with him seeing you.
You're from Australia so shouldn't your uni fees be completely covered under HECS/FEE-help (so you would have no outstanding uni fees that need to be paid right now, assuming that your current income is under the threshold)?
I believe that you can actually take this to court if you can prove that you have shared expenses in furniture etc that he has decided to keep.
edit : didn't see the post-grad part. hopefully you can finish your degree... or perhaps go part time and work more. i would think that there should be a fee help option available, but i'm not sure.
guess its time to go home and ask mum and dad to help you out.
I guess he showed his true colors.
Thats why every woman (and man) should be financially independent and secure and not financially depend on the other (especially if you're not married). This goes for being emotionally secure too... Gotta work on yourself before you start including other people in on your life.
That is why I don't depend on anyone financially but myself. When things are screwed up in the relationship and he's the one supporting you, you're shit out of luck.
Okay, with the living together thing... I get that everyone does it now. But I think it's a terrible idea to be dependent on someone who is not contractually obligated to be with you. In other words, only married couples should be supporting each other financially. Best of luck to you.
Long distance generally puts a strain on things. Hmm I haven't had anyone go that 180 on me before, but I did move about an hour or so away from my girlfriend while I was living with her, and within 3 weeks of being gone she dumped me and wanted me to never go back to our apartment again. After I helped her move everything out and into her new place I pretty much never saw her again. My theory at the time was she found someone else, but I guess I'll never know for sure if she did or not.
Sorry that happened to you, but probably better for it to happen now than after you invested even more time on him.
unfortunately people can change drastically..becoz yeah, they are human =(
my ex had this drastic change too, and same he could not tell me to the eye he started to hav feelings (that i suspected and which he denied) for someone else. Instead, he had this reverse psy "trick" where he'll push my buttons and I'd lose focus on what i wanted to do/say! In the end, he made me believe i was at fault, n i was the one ending it up. But in fact, he was such a coward who lost his backbone, and couldn't tell me and give me a chance to work things out for us. (I expected that at least from him, for all the faith i had in him, n for helping him wth many things...honesty..unfortunately, a luxury today i guess..)
usually when people get secretive, they have something to hide, something they might be ashamed of...him being so mean, might be becoz he's an ass..and doesn't know how to deal with the situation of the guilt and shame mixed
best thing to do..talk to ur friends, they'll help you out
and forget about him, don't ask yourself why this happened for now, focus on ur work/studies..that'll keep u going...only time can heal those stuff..
As my friends told me, it's better it happened now, than later...The guy does not deserve you who had so much faith in him...He is the one missing a great person/friend..not u