Monday, 10 September 2012
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Has a "Friend" Ever Ditched You for People They've Met Through You?
This post was submitted anonymously.
I've had this happen countless times and am wondering if this would matter to you:Would you care if you introduced people to each other but you noticed a pattern that they started leaving you out, your friends constantly hooking up with each other and then keeping secrets from you? You didn't purposely try to bring them together in that way but it happens.
How and why a person met matters to me. If they met through me and both of them started to hurt me in some way, I will let it be known. My reasoning, mostly likely, if it weren't for me, these people wouldn't have known each other. One could say that they might have met some other place, some other time, but I don't believe that.
In this case, I'm the one that introduced them to each other and I don't appreciate people leaving me out or doing things behind my back. It isn't necessarily about being the third wheel, but flat out being ditched so you don't even have the chance of being a third wheel.I've had "friends" before ditch me after I introduced them to guys and other friends they would have never known if it weren't for me. In a way, I'm glad that happened because it showed how much they really "cared" about me in the first place. Has a friend ever ditched you for a guy and/or friend you introduced them to? Did you care?
My situation reminds me of a fmylife I saw a long time ago. It read that her boyfriend left her for the girl who was staying in the same room as her at the hospital.
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Comments (54)
I don't know enough people to go around introducing them to each other. Most of the people I know, I've met through someone else. I don't have enough friends to go ditching them for others, so I don't entirely understand all this.
I do have a friend that completely drops off the map and goes through a HUGE personality change when she starts dating someone. I have to relearn almost everything about her when she starts dating someone new, but that's when she decides I exist again. It takes a few weeks to hear from her, a couple months to get a handle on the shift, and a few months to start having normal encounters with her again.
It happened, but never with people I considered close friends. Honestly, if that happened to me all the time, I would start to wonder what was wrong with me; not what was wrong with other people. Usually patterns involving different people, and you are the only one in common, usually you are the problem. I would think either I suck at picking friends, trust people too easily, or etc. and try to fix the problem.
A couple times this happened to me, but later I realized that they weren't really my friend after all. I was upset at first but when I learned that they were only my friends at their own convenience, I was over it. Like Erika Steele mentioned, if it happens repeatedly, you may want to consider taking a closer look at yourself to understand why you drive people away.
I'm confused whether or not these friends begin dating or if they just became really good friends.
If they started dating, then relax, couples always spend a majority of their time together, especially in the beginning. I hated how my best friend used to hang out with her boyfriend all the time, but I respected her relationship and just asked her nicely if she could stop ignoring me. They still hung out a lot, but we spent more time together.
If they just become really good friends -- are you sure you're being ditched? This one girl used to get really jealous when me and my bffl hung out without her, but we we're best friends! of course we're going to hang out a lot, without her. The only reason she got jealous is because she doesn't have a bffl.
This post should have been more specific, because to me, you just sound jealous and possessive. Perhaps you're expecting too much out of friends?
why would you care if your friends hooked up and kept it secret from you? I wouldn't want to know if my friends hooked up. or maybe you're the type, who loves to know all the juicy details to gossip about later. how did you know that your friends constantly hooked up unless you heard it from someone else, but you're mad that they told the others, but not you? leaving you out of friend get togethers is one thing, but expecting them to tell you about their hook ups because you were the matchmaker is a little weird. it would be annoying if my friend introduced me to a guy and he became my bf later. then she expects me to tell her when we hooked up and other personal details or are you used to knowing about every crack and crevice regarding sex because most of your other friends tell all? if so, then omg...she's a backstabbing liar!:D
yeah, i fucking hate it when my friends meet someone with whom they click, and then proceed to hook up. i'd NEVER wish that upon them.
seriously? get real. unless something malicious is going on, they're both grown people and can do whatever the fuck they want with whoever the fuck they want.
It's probably not you, it's the people you chose to hang out with. Once I found myself hanging out with people who wanted to hang out with me, I've never had this kind of problem. My only problem was choosing shady "friends," but once I found good friends to hang with this type of shit never happened.
@sexyandskinnyy@xanga - Lol, wtf, where do you people get jealous and possessive? From what I got on the take, it sounds like after she introduces two sets of friends who've never met each other they don't include her in events. I've had that happen to me with "friends" and I don't take too kindly for inconsiderate people, especially when I thought everyone was all friends here, basically the more the merrier, but ditch the host/hostess.
"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more grey" -Shawshank Redemption quote by Red.
Yeah, I hated it too when I introduce two people and they do not give me an opportunity to become a third wheel in their lives. Man are those people selfish, eh?? LMFAO!
@Erika_Steele@xanga - With me, I know it can be different for different people's situations, but I didn't change anything about myself. When I changed the people I was with, the new people treated me better and I still didn't behave any differently from before. Not sure how it is with others.
I still behaved the same exact way with new people I met who didn't take me for granted.
@meow - Yeah they are, I agree!!!!!! It is a funny thing to laugh at because if they do it to others it will happen to them then they will know what it is like.
@Guest - the OP seemed to be implying that it always happened to her/him. You changed friends and the new people treated you better. It meant your old friends weren't worth your time. The OP seems to be implying that even after changing friends, they are still being left out. It means either they suck at picking people to hang out with, or they have a personality flaw that makes people not want to hang out with them.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - Yeah, I definitely see what you're saying about the post.
I'm just glad I didn't have to change who I am to be accepted by other people.
Yes. All through high school and into my adult life. People around here suck :(
@Guest - I was being sarcastic, if you didn't already get my intention.. ;)
That hasn't happened to me, but if it did I would wait for them to contact me while moving on. I would probably send them a text message just to see how they're doing, but if they don't reply then Kayne shrug it and move on.
My friends can date whoever they want to date. Sorry, but why would they want you to be the third wheel? When I'm out with my boyfriend, we like alone time - sure, we'll hang out in groups too, but it's nice to have time alone where we can just be a couple. Are you really getting upset over that?! Why don't you just call them and arrange something where you can all hang out together. If they keep turning you down, you obviously need better friends, but you can't get all butthurt if you haven't even tried to make the situation better.
Yikes, sounds like this post can be a little clearer. There seems to be some confusion between friends becoming friends,friends hooking up, and friend actually dating. Also, it sounds like unless you've been in such a situation, you wouldn't understand how hurtful it can be. There's a difference between introducing two "normal" friends, and they start to hang out and do stuff without you because they have something in common versus introducing two friends that you hang out with all the time yourself and then they purposely start excluding you from stuff that you usually do with them. So to answer the question, yes, I've had this happen to me. Thankfully not all the time (once).
If it happens all the time to you, maybe it's not that there's something wrong with you like some have commented, but maybe you're too attached to your friends. I used to be like this and get jealous when my friends make new friends or don't include me in stuff, but I later realized that I don't (and cannot) 100% be a part of all my friends' lives and that they'll have their own friends, events, etc. that I will not be a part of.
Otherwise, I would just recommend not mixing and introducing friends.
@meow - I know you were you idiotic dipshit and I just played with your inconsiderate response. :)
You're probably the type of person to ditch people who introduce you to their other friends, that's why you take this very lightly and mock it.
I've noticed in the responses that the people who have been ditched before don't act like a bitch about it saying it's no big deal, wah wah. It's the ones who probably do the ditching which is why they don't see it as a big deal. If i had a friend who would hook up with everyone i'd ever introduce them to without that intention. i'd drop them like a hot potato. they'd make the atmosphere uncomfortable. luckily i only hang out with guys mainly and for the girls i hang out with now are married or with kids too busy with their own lives to be out messing with other people's lives.
@Guest - Sorry you got butt hurt from all these comment, but don't make assumptions about me. You don't know me. Why such animosity? Have I touch a soft spot for you? And also, you're probably the annoying type that's why your friends left you. BOO HOO......
Who cares if your friends are hooking up. Jealous much? If you're so insecure about not wanting your friends to do that, be alone and that will solve your problems. 
I had this happen to me.. Someone i thought was a good friend.. I lost count of how many times she called on me for help.. including 3 times when her husband and her were fighting and we stepped in to help calm things down.. She didn't have the courage to call the police on a "friend" who was doing drugs and drinking with 3 kids in the house, so I called.. then she blamed me because the kids were taken away.. ?? She told me she was a pathological liar, and a lot of other things.. things she did backed this up.
My brother and his wife and daughter moved in with us for awhile.. as soon as this "friend" met my SIL and niece, I was forgotten... I warned this person that if she ever hurt my SIL the way she hurt me, she would have to answer to me. Honestly I wish they had never met.
@meow - Don't bitch when you get ditched then, because with your type of personality, I can see why someone would ditch you as well.
I feel very sorry for whoever has to put up with you as a friend.
@Guest - That's funny. Cause I'm such a lovable person everyone loves me. Even if I'd ever have friends who want to leave me I wouldn't cry like a baby on here. I'd move on. Unlike you, your friends left you- and yet you are the one that's bitching.
Maybe you should reflect on how you are and not worry about other people. Don't worry though, I'm sure none of the people who has ditched you are losing anything. They're probably glad they got rid of you.... LMFAO! 
Say what you want now, but I know you're crying by yourself at night... 
HAHAHAH!!
@meow - The only one butt hurt here is you. And butt hurt about what? I found better friends because I let the bad ones go when they ditched me. It's a win for me you lunatic. You will still be doing some ditching until you find yourself with the right people. In your case the problem is with you so no matter where you go you will always have that problem.