I agree with the statement that when you are not at your best is when you find out what kind of person you are with.  On the same token, you shouldn't expect to people to put up with anything and everything from you just because you are not perfect.  I think that anyone that wasn't crazy/psycho that put up with me in their 20s would have been a doormat with no backbone. Like TheNortoriousGOD said, no one has their shit together when they are in their 20s. It doesn't make sense to sit around waiting for someone who is perfect and always does everything right. It just doesn't happen.

The question isn't if you're good or not. The question is whether you're willing to improve yourself overtime. Maturity comes over time and through experiences. And nobody is perfect. You can choose to either grow with your partner as the relationship grows, or choose to stay how you are until you realize that you can handle improvements/changes in yourself.

I find a lot of people say that they will never change, and even as they say that... everything around them, is changing all the time, even in their own bodies, even in their minds, whether they're aware of such changes or not. No, people don't drastically change over night, but they do change. It all depends on the situations that they go through and their choice of whether to embrace the change, fight it, or stall. But if you act in a situation that doesn't lead to good results, you either change yourself or change the situation. If changing the situation isn't working, well... eventually you gotta realize that you have to change yourself. People go through these situations through life, and therefore won't stay the same.. Just like your overall mentality is not the same as when you were 2 years old.

I find that people who say "I'm not good enough for you" or whatever, are people who have low self esteem, feel helpless in changing their lives, and are just making excuses so they don't have to go through the difficulties of change.

Not sure this is exactly what you're talking about, but I've found that "I'm wrong for you" is the worst rejection one can get. It's condescending, like you don't know what kind of person you want to be with (whether that wanting is a conscious choice or not, by making your feelings known you' indicated you ARE choosing to give in to that want).  It also makes me wonder if they're just not brave enough to say "You're wrong for me," i.e. "I don't want to be with you." You don't want to date someone? Just own up to it; don't tell them what they (don't) want!

@galliver@xanga - To me, it's all about this. Nobody wants to date the loser. Heck, nobody even wants to be anything close to a loser. So, it's more like trying to be sensitive to the fact that you don't have yourself together, and the last thing you want to do is be any kind of detriment to your love interest, her heart and her life. You know?

@shatteredmoonbeams@xanga - I have the same issue, with depression.  it's a tough gig, and a lonely one.

Personally... I'm attracted to the "broken" type, provided I can see potential to be something better. And my husband's home, so I can't elaborate further.

@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga -  I am wondering  about the car thing, why?

@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Ah ok. Difference in location. I am in the middle of no where Texas so those with out cars here have to mooch off of others or walk 5miles to go do anything.

@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - lol it would be an interesting social experiment to watch you adjust. Though you might do fine in Dallas.

My ex used to tell me constantly he wasn't good enough for me. Okay, maybe on paper he was right. And according to most people who knew us seperately. People who knew us well as a COUPLE could see why I wanted to be with him. He made me happy.

But after months and months of his insecurities growing bigger because all the promises he made didn't not come to life, and he never moved forward with himself... it became a cycle of

He is sad

He doesn't improve

He thinks I'll find someone better

He is sad

This is what caused us to break up. I was happy with him, even though he wasn't perfect and had shortcomings falling out his ears. I loved him. But over time he let the insecurity take over, and there was only scraps of a loving relationship left.

You don't need to break up over these things... because then what? You try to improve your situation WITHOUT the girl you love? If she stayed when you were at 1, why wouldnt she wants to be along for the ride from 2,3,4,5 and up?

You're either going to be a lazy nobody with the same problems forever, in which case yes, she should leave. Or you will climb the ladder like the rest of us, in which case there's no reason to break up... its called growing together. You're only going to tell her to leave because you see no chance for improvement.

I met my fiance on a Friday night, a coworker introduced us.  It was totally a fluke thing that I went out that night, because I was soooo busy with work and school.  My coworker convinced me to go out and celebrate my BEST week at work, and her friend (my fiance now) just so happened to be there.  I was too shy to really talk to him, but I instantly liked him.  My friend helped get me his number, we started talking and hanging out, and hit it off right away.

We both laid it all out right away.  I had to explain to him that I was super busy with work & school.  & I'm very family oriented.  So if there were times in the beginning that I couldn't see him for 3-4 days at a time, then it wasn't a huge deal- we'd text or call.  He explained to me that he had past mistakes (a dui that cost him his driving job), but was trying to make things right, it's just a slow going process.

Well, I went with my gut instinct on this one.  "If someone is trying to warn you that they aren't good for you, why would you hold on?" <--- he warned me that he didn't have money or a car or nice things, etc.  But I saw straight past those things to the person that I will marry in the future.  And slowly but surely, he got a job & has a car & he takes me out & does do nice things for me.

He's a perfect gentleman too!!  He'll hold doors for me, respects my family (my parents especially), he's quiet, he listens, he's the perfect shoulder to cry on.  He works hard.  He's smart.  He's funny.  He's never once yelled at me or raised a hand at me or made me feel bad about myself.  All of these things are waaaaay more than what I can say for my ex's and past relationship!

So, in the beginning, don't write someone off because they might be temporarily struggling financially or because they don't drive a nice car or something.  Wait and see the real person behind all the shallow things.