From experience, I have learned that sex is an important part of a relationship. But it is NOT the MOST important part. There's a whole foundation that helps to build up to one. To even be in a strong and successful relationship nowadays is a blessing in itself. Let's be real, a good connection is hard to come by.
I was recently reflecting on a funny situation that was a part of my monthly "girls night" with friends back in college. One of them had recently started talking to a guy more frequently and was going out with him the following day. We were all laughing and joking about how their whole meeting had come about and asking how she was feeling about possibly taking it to further than a flirtatious friendship. She laughed it off and said she was just going to take everything in stride.
A few weeks had passed and we were having lunch and she dropped a bombshell. They'd crossed that sexual line and...let's just say, the delivery didn't live up to the packaging. Naturally, we were shocked and a few of us laughed because we honestly didn't know what to say. This may seem, I don't know, unfair...but we all honestly prejudged him.
By his appearance, his whole demeanor, that wasn't something we expected to be an issue. But we chalked it up to everyone having their moments.
Now, my friend on the other hand...lol...was ready to wrap it up and not look back. But we explained that he could've just had a bad night or needed some assistance. Guide him in the direction that would satisfy them both. He was a good guy and we didn't want her to throw in the towel based off of one incident. Thankfully, she followed suit and all things were in order afterward.
They say almost anything can be taught. But can anyone be a teacher? Would/have you ever given up on a good thing because they couldn't satisfy you sexually? What steps did you take to enhance or put a halt to it all?
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She needs to be more vocal about what she wants and what she likes. If he doesn't listen, then I guess he's not willing to learn. He might have had just a bad night, so if she wants a relationship with this guy then she should give him another chance.
yeah, let's all judge people on their performance during one of the most awkward moments in a relationship. i'm sure she didn't give him the most heartfelt hummer of her life, either.
and people wonder why i hate girls. sheesh. (i'm glad you convinced her to give it another shot.)
I wouldn't give up solely based on one incident, but sometimes two people just aren't compatible in bed. Granted, sex isn't the only thing in a relationship, but it is important. If I were with a man that wasn't satisfying me in bed, I'd rather move on.
I would tell him what I want and if he couldn't give me that or not be willing to work on it then he would be gone. Sex is what differentiates your relationship with that person then everybody else you have a relationship with. You have to be able to enjoy it at least a bit.
I'm more shocked that she would think about breaking things up with him after one bad sexual experience. Sometimes the first time being with someone you actually like is awkward. It's nice that she decided to give it another shot though and that it ended up working out.
did he go limp noodle due to nervousness because he felt the pressure to be as good as he built himself up to be
do some females have the say to say that he's bad if she mostly just lays there? won't she be considered "bad" sex if she lays there and complains? do the positions where both people put in the effort during sex
See this is what I hate about guys when they have done that to me. After one time, they're done because maybe they weren't "satisfied" or they were. It's called going back and teaching the person. And I also hate how people make the girl and/or one person out to be the one who isn't good. Have they ever thought about maybe they didn't do anything for the person either? Geez.
@Guest - Too add, finally started talking to someone 4 1/2 years ago who actually came back and taught me a lot. His reward: me being good to him. I can't even count in the past 4 1/2 years how many times we have done things with each other. It's not about many people one time. It's about what you can do for one person a million times, etc. The other guys before that just based off of one time: no reward. And it's not like they did anything for me either so I really despise people going around telling others that I wasn't good when they weren't good either. It goes both ways and I will squash any double standard when I can.
Sex isn't something to be compared between individuals by individuals.
If he/she didn't perform to your expectations either you're having sex with the wrong person or you're equally as bad at it as him/her.
It's called accepting a challenge or bowing out to it.
Unless you're watching porn there is no judging from the sidelines.
Well, you need to be straightforward about what you want when having sex. You can't expect someone to just instantly know how to do things right the first few times. You need practice! And when you have practice, you have someone giving you pointers and tips on how to get better! If you aren't vocal with your wants, but just sit there bored throughout the sex, whose fault is that? At least he was trying.
So the dude is all talk but no delivery? I'm not surprised your friend wants to dump him. It's his fault for building up high expectations when he can't deliver them.
As for the question, sexual compatibility and chemistry cannot be taught. If I have chemistry with someone and they just need refinement in technique then that's fine. But if it's just awkward all the way through then clearly that'll never really change.
Experience can't be taught overnight.
@Gaia - One might make a good start of it being having sex 4 or 5 times in that night.
Ok here's my 2 cents worth. I think for the most part it's difficult to be comfortable and vocal with a new encounter...for me anyway. Trust, comfort etc allows one to build the confidence to become vocal about what is desired between the sheets.
Gossiping about your sex life, especially parts that would embarrass the guy you're with, is a real piece of shit thing to do. I hope he's telling his friends about her ugly labia. What a bitch.
Communication, love, patience...and it can be wonderful.
Sex is so overrated in regards to just the physical aspect of it. So many people are so consumed with their own pleasure and selfishness of what physically they can get out of it. Its like they are using each other. Its just not right. Its not loving him the right way. If its used the right way in my opinion for emotional intimacy getting a orgasm or how long it lasted or if he could do this or do that "right' is not even important-trust me.
I think that if two people like each other, they can (usually) learn to have good sex together. It'll take time and practice, but it's doable.
I wouldn't dump someone for the sex, largely because I'm non-monogamous. I might if I were monogamous, but only after a pretty long time of dissatisfaction.
My guy friends don't go into intimate detail about how bad the sex was, but they always talk about how good it was. And they say just that: "It was good/great/awesome". One reason why we call chicks sluts, is their ill ideology of "I've been through so many dicks that I'm a dick expert. Let me talk about with ALL my friends about dicks and rate them!"
@MzMini@xanga - is it ok if i fall in love with you for this? too many people need to learn this lesson and not enough people know it.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - if it's awkward, you're doing it wrong.
(By which I mean it's too soon for sex in the relationship.)
same problem, the guy was great, almost perfect. would make a girl happy with the amout of attention he gave, if i wanted orange juice he would bring it to me, like go to the store and get it. sweetest guy every. sex just wasnt having it for me. i know sex isnt everything thats why it lasted a few months after the sex encouter but i wasnt able to have sex with him again. eventually other things started to be noticed that i didnt like about him and it didnt work out. dont call me shallow cuz i gave it a try, just didnt work.
Man, just how bad was it for her to consider dumping him after one night???
Personally, I think it depends on the guy. Like I know a really great guy and we're friends nd everything, but I never gave up on him when he's never made me cum, cuz he's good, he is, but we've just always had quickies, so it's kind of like he couldn't do it fast enough. But I think given the chance, I'd fuck him in a heartbeat. Cuz not only is he gorrrrgeous, but he's sooo nice too. And he's got like, perfect qualities for my standard, physically and personality wise, so I think it really depends on how worth it the guy is.
@galliver@xanga - i dunno, i think the consensus would be that it's awkward no matter what--i suppose there would have to be a separate post to prove or disprove that statement, though.
as for it being too soon...tbh there's a *lot* of pressure on guys to make moves way earlier than many of us are comfortable doing. i did a fair amount of experimenting with this earlier this year, and confirmed the conclusion that i made when i was in undergrad--that girls need the physical connection more than popular sentiment seems to indicate. with little exception, they are more likely to see you as their brother or friend if you wait more than 2 dates to get to at least first base.
by the way, here's a funny video on the subject you might enjoy :) http://now.msn.com/grimly-accurate-video-reveals-the-misery-of-dating-nsfw