Thursday, 06 September 2012
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Body Count: Your Partner Has a Past
Physical attraction is usually what initially draws someone's interest in the opposite, or same sex (whichever your preference may be). It's that attraction that keeps people interested, and the rest follows when considering forming a relationship. Sex is what has been said to keep a happy home.
But does experience play a role? What if your partner's past is more diverse than your own as far as what they've done and how many people they've done it with?The movie that automatically jumps to mind when I think of such a question is, What's Your Number. Ally Darling, played by Anna Faris, looks back on the men of her past relationships to see if any of them has changed for the better. Her sexual partner count was twenty. I found myself wondering if that's something that many people actually considered.
Sure, there is something to be said when you're dealing with a person with no experience, compared to someone with a vast amount. Simply, it all boils down to one's preference. Some people may rather a person whose experimenting starts with them. Those usually tend to be the people who like to teach and appreciates someone who hasn't had many people in their beds to beat them to the opportunity to do so.
Then, there are those that prefer someone who actually knows what they're doing. What they like and don't like. Even the chance to teach one another a few things that the other might not know.
But does it ever become a burden on the mind, as well as in the bedroom?
Can the amount of sexual partners your significant other has had before you, change your opinion of them, making it hard to push forward?
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- From: ReginaYS
- Name: ReginaYS
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Comments (29)
A persons past history is their past history. We all go through different things in life, so what does it matter what used to be when you're the present? That being said, if you've slept with a hundred plus people I'd be a little cautious. More because I'd be curious if you picked up anything.
Absolutely not!
i coulnt date someone who has a ton of numbers, or has a lot of kids with different women -- not going to get into that mess. what matters to me more is who they previously hooked up with, what type of characters. as i said before i wont hook up with a guy if he has been with a close friend or family member. if it is an acquaintance or someone i'm not close to, i don't owe them any loyalty and perhaps might.
"Can the amount of sexual partners your significant other has had before you, change your opinion of them,..."
No. My SO is who she is. People make mistakes, but if a person does not desire to change what happened, they do not personally consider their actions "mistakes" by my definition.
"making it hard to push forward?"
Well, yeah, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
@Guest - "if it is an acquaintance or someone i'm not close to, i don't owe them any loyalty and perhaps might."
Yeah, because owing a person something is every reason to not give it to them.
just because someone has had more partners than the other doesn't necessarily mean they are more experienced. numbers aren't the culprit but context matters more. did the person have 6 one night stands and 4 of them were with married or taken people, had one long term affair, 2 within a serious relationship; one relationship lasted 5 weeks because the person cheated and was caught, 3 friends with benefits; one was their best friend's ex-fiance, 1 was their ex, 1 was their best friend, and a few that they don't remember
their past is their past, but I'd still find some parts of their character questionable if they have a big record of offensive behavior. one time or two is a mistake but more than that, it is intentional.
I'd date a guy, who was in shape, because if a guy can't even jog up a flight of stairs without huffing and puffing, sweating and whining about how tired he is, then how can he possibly have enough stamina and strength to please me in bed. harsh as it may be, I usually see out of shape people as one minute men:D they can prove me wrong, but I'm a visual person, so I'd have to be physically attracted in order to be sexually interested. being in shape doesn't necessarily mean they'll automatically be good in bed either. it depends. they can be boring or hit it and quit it types or be premature you know whats and be done in like 30 seconds. learning the skills doesn't necessarily require sex. I've known a guy, who used a cock ring and he practiced his hold and release skills with that
so he can better control his load
It doesn't matter that much, but if they have had a lot of partners I would definitely make them get tested before we had sex or hooked up.
I have none.
Neither does my partner.
^_^
Nobody cares anymore. We live in a totally hedonistic society. it is 2012 and there are no rules/limitations/boundaries anymore. Oh wait, I'm quoting the Dog Whisperer. Anyway I am an erotica writer so you know I am a liberal.
Jyll Stonecypher (Bed of Cole's by A-I Press 10-22-12)
a guy having a large number of past sexual partners would not be a turnoff on its own. however, when i have been approached by men who've had lots of sexual partners (i knew by reputation..ugh), it was accompanied by other undesirable characteristics. i'm
notsaying that i believe that all people who've had lots of partners are sleazy types, but i could see how some people could make that connection.
my boyfriend has had quite a few more partners than i have had. he is only my #3. it doesn't bother me. he has taught me some fun things. and he is definitely not sleazy.
Any number over 0 and I want an STD Test. You just can't be too safe about that kind of thing.
In a way yes. I'm NOT saying this is everyone who's like this but I question relationship capabilities of someone who's had many sex partners without a long term relationship. Some people just want sex & that's fine but a majority of the time it's not easy going from sex at will to just being with one partner. Anything over 5 for me & that would raise a flag.
My husband had relationships involving sex before he met me & he was honest about it so I wasnt turned off by it. I was his first serious relationship though so it was a new thing for him too.
I'm good with any number 0, 10, 47, 100.... What I do care about is the circumstances. Slept with 10 people and 2 of them were you cheating on your exes?.. hell no I don't want you to be my significant other. Simple as that.
Of course I don't actively pursue wanting to know about a persons sex life, but it is nice to know what you are sticking your penis into.The first woman I was with had multiple partners with me prior to our break up. I was able to give her multiple orgasms on one session. She would still talk about it even after our break up so that was how I know she was sincere. So I would say depending on the emotional connection you've had, quantity is not that important.
@Gaia - Eh even with 0 you might as well get an std test, still mighta had oral and caught something that way. Or even just kissing another girl mighta given him something. You never know.
I've been with people where I was their first and some where I was their 21st. I don't really think numbers matter, though I do like to know for some reason. What's in the past is the past, so I won't really hold the amount of people my gf has slept with against her. Although if I'm her first or even second I get kind of uncomfortable and would want her to go out and experience more, that way she knows if she really likes it with me or not. Kinda like someone who's only ever eaten their mama's cooking and say that she makes the best steak around, but how does she really know if she's never eaten steak anywhere else? She may be right, but she has no proof to back it up.
The number doesn't bother me, but circumstances would. I'd rather date someone who'd slept with five people in five committed relationships than someone who'd had five drunken one night stands.
Yes, absolutely. How can someone's sexual past NOT matter? That's a great indication of their character and what they value.
I don't care about a number I just wanna know if they are disease free. If they wanna know my number I'll tell them. BTW I loved this movie! I still laugh about it sometimes.
I'm the curious kitty. I ask questions that sometimes I don't like the answers to... >.>
Numbers worry me. Simply because I take sex seriously in terms of who I engage with. I would like my SO to have similar standards. Which he does ^^. I just like my freaky sexy time really. I'm very lucky to have a freak for a SO.
Keeps meh happeh!
As long as they don't have any STDs, agree to be monogamous during the course of our relationship, understand that if I'm having sex with them, it's because I really like them, not because I want a quick roll in the hay and don't judge my number, I'm not going to judge theirs. It really doesn't influence how I feel about them.
I used to think it would bother me if someone had significantly more experience than me. But then I fell for someone who clearly did. I have yet to have sex with him, because he seems to see me more as a friend than a potential romantic partner. But I realized I really didn't care if he was more experienced than me. If he ever feels romantically attracted to me, I'd give him a chance in a heartbeat. His number of sexual partners doesn't change any of the qualities he has that attracted me to him. I guess the only thing that bothers me about the situation is I'm sometimes scared he'll think I'm a prude once he finds out I've had less experience than him. I'm not a prude, I just am not nearly as good at finding mutual attraction as other people are.
@JusticeCho@xanga - What if she doesn't want to be with a lot of different people? Not everything thinks they need to be.
I've had people refuse to see me after finding out the number of people I've slept with. For me, personally, it's never been a huge issue. I don't care if your number is 0 or 60 so long as you've been safe and tested recently.
I find though, that don't ask, don't tell is the best policy to keep with these sort of things, particularly if you've the kind of disposition that's easily offended/angered/mistrusting. Knowing that someone's clean is so much more important in the long run than knowing their exact number of partners.
Well, I had a large number compared to my husband. His is single digits and mine is double digits but it didn't bother him. I have had thorough testing and have tested clean for everything completely so I'm safe and I've been tested since he and I got together (when I was pregnant I got tested for every std in the book including AIDS and I know now fully I'm clean).
I went through a really bad stage in my life where I didn't care at all and didn't consider myself having any real reason to live (except that tiny hint of hope that things would turn around and they did).
I had a lot of drunk one night stands and I had a reputation due to me turning guys down and them saying I did things with them because I dated their friends.
I used to be nervous and used to obsess over it but as I've seen that he's not going to leave me to gain more experience and he won't cheat, I haven't thought about it until I read this for months at least.
What a person did in the past is the only true indicator you have of what they are likely to do in the future. To ignore that evidence, in whatever light you construe it, is to walk into a relationship deliberately blinding yourself to who your partner is and has been. That's a bad idea.
I noticed everyone on your other post with the list of dad's advice easily agreed with your concept of not trying to change a man. I'd say that holds true for both sexes, and what they've done in the past is indicative of what traits they have and practices they keep.
My number is zero, and I want to give it up to someone who at least KNOWS how many. Having more partners than one can remember is a turn-off for me. It suggests the possibility for unfaithfulness. Experience is also no indicator of whether somebody really "knows what he/she is doing". I may have none myself, but I know I sure as hell am going to be a spectacular lover from my first go at it, because I know how to love with all my heart and show it. It doesn't seem illogical at all that someone can have had a ton of lays and still be really bad at sex.