Wednesday, 05 September 2012
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I'm an Unapologetic Cheater
I've read a couple of posts lately about people cheating. While reading through the comments, I've noticed that many people were against it, but I was pretty surprised that not many admitted to doing it. Of course I can't be sure, but I think more people have cheated than they'd like to disclose.I am a cheater. I could say that I have cheated on almost every guy I have been with. Most of them probably don't know, either. And although I'm still young and may change my mind, I have no intentions of ever telling any of them. Maybe it's the kind of guys that I attract. I have been cheated on a fair share of times as well--and it sucks. So why do I do it?
I've been in my current relationship for about three years now. A good portion of it has been long distance. When my boyfriend and I started dating, it was casual enough that I kept messing around with a couple guys that I had been with previously. When it got more serious I didn't stop.
It's not like I'm out every night with a different guy. I spend all the time I can with my boyfriend. But when I want to be with someone else, I do it. I don't really feel that bad about it. And I probably see me marrying my boyfriend and never telling him either.Which is why I'm sure I can't be the only here who does this kind of thing. If I read this, I would probably think that I'm a bad person. But the thing is, I know that I'm not. I know that I love my boyfriend and he loves me. I know if I told him it would hurt him, but we would still be together. Telling him would just be painful and stupid for us both. Though, I do see me being faithful to him in the future. I also know I'd be devastated if I found out he's been doing what I have no qualms about--cheating.
I know so many guys who do the same exact thing ALL THE TIME. Many of my male friends and co-workers are in long term relationships and often cheat. Nobody hates them or thinks that they are terrible people. So I question whether gender makes a difference in how people judge those that are unfaithful.
Now, I know I might get a lot of shit for admitting this, but I'm a cheater and I don't really care.
Do you believe your loved one is faithful and always has been? What are your thoughts on people who admittedly cheat?
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- From: Kill_GaryLarson@xanga
- About Me: I'm not too sure about anything anymore.
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Comments (141)
As long as you don't get mad if someone does it to you, you're free to do what you wish. So if you found out your boyfriend was doing the same thing, you have no rights to be mad.
I have a friend who has cheated on every guy she's been with as well. Sometimes I just want to tell her she wonders why all of her relationships fail.
I don't think cheaters are inherently terrible people. I DO think that the act of cheating is morally reprehensible and a shitty thing to do to someone you care about - it's a betrayal of trust, which I think often does bad things to a relationship dynamic even if never spoken about. And, again, while cheaters may not be inherently terrible people, people who do it repeatedly and without shame are people I would not trust even on a platonic/acquaintance level - I wouldn't trust them not to betray me if it suited them.
I don't fault you for having sex and relationships outside of your primary (I don't think monogamy is everyone's best choice), but I do fault the betrayal/dishonesty aspect of it, particularly since you'd be "devastated" if he did it to you. I think it's inconsiderate at best to go behind someone's back and set up an unknown double standard.
I do think my significant others have been faithful to me in the way that our relationships are defined based on events of the past and our dynamics. Of course, "faithful" in an open poly situation is different than in a sexually/emotionally monogamous relationship.
If you don't want to hurt your boyfriend, then why cheat on him? You're hurting him either way... he just doesn't know it. And by you keeping that secret from him how does that make you trustworthy? If you wouldn't want him to do that to you, then why would you do that to him? That's what I don't really understand about cheaters.
there must be a reason for your cheating. i believe that a successful relationship should be mutual and fair. you said yourself that you wouldn't like it if he did the same thing to you so why do you do it to him? most people our age have so much staying mutual because one person wants monogamy and the other cheats or wants to cheat. if you want to be with someone else, your partner should know. i wouldn't be in a "monogamous" relationship. being unfaithful is a shitty thing to do unless there's a serious reason behind it..
Mmmm the only thing I DON'T like about what you said is that you're hiding it from him. If you want an open relationship and know you'll never be monogomous, you should tell your partner at the start. Otherwise you're misleading them in who you are and what you're character is. That right there, is ridiculous and unfair to him. If he were to ask if you were sleeping with someone else, would you lie? If you're okay with your actions, you shouldn't lie.
The problem here is that you don't really love him as much as you could. If you did love him, to your full potential, then you would feel guilty about doing something that you know would hurt him...
I did cheat once, but the difference here is that I admitted it and I admitted that I didn't feel bad. We addressed those feelings together and made agreements based on them. In the end, it turns out that I felt that way because I didn't love him as much as I should have.
I hope he finds this post and kicks you out on your ass. No one deserves tothink they have an honest partner, when in reality their partner is leading a second life.
I haven't admitted that I cheated because I actually never cheated (nor do I plan on starting).
"Telling him would just be painful and stupid for us both." What's painful is how you say you love him, yet you still continue messing around with other guys behind his back. The stupid part comes in where you stated, "I also know I'd be devastated if I found out he's been doing what I have no qualms about--cheating."
You are free to do what you want, but you can't drag people along and expect them to deal with it. And if it were the case where you do get dumped and end up alone, I am not going to feel sorry for you.
I don't think people who cheat are bad...but why keep secrets? Why lie? In the long run, it'll come back to bite you. Hard. And then what are you gonna do? I don't even know what to say. You're selfish and I just wish I could tell him what you're doing to him. You can't base a relationship on lies and secrets. It's just not right. Not right at all. I hope he wakes up one day and realizes that you're a selfish hoe.
You expect to marry him and have a future, yet you're off sleeping with other guys. Grow up.
I was 16 when I first got engaged and we had not dated at that point. I cheated in the first month and felt so bad. I never did it again, he knows about it and we have been together for 4.5 years now. It's the past, I was 16 and just moved out of an abusive house and was just not completely thinking straight. Mistakes happen. If either one of us was to cheat at this point in the game it would be the end of our relationship.
You admitted you're a cheater and you don't really care. Oh, but you DO care or else you wouldn't be posting this. It's ironic you're honest about your cheating, and yet, you're not upfront with your boyfriend. I feel sorry for him. He doesn't deserve this. I hope he finds out soon what kind of person you are and finds someone who truly loves him and respects him.
I heard a story on the radio the other day in which a psychologist stated "the key to happiness" is a long term relationship (such as marriage) and an affair (or two) on the side.
I'm not well versed enough to explain her logic, but I'd be willing to bet that she's right.
Why don't you just tell people (especially this boyfriend you think you'll marry) you don't want a monogamous relationship then?
It sucks for the people that you're with that you're so inconsiderate. Just tell the guys you want to be with straight off the bat that you don't want that kind of commitment and see how they feel about something casual or open. If they don't like it, save them the time and tell them it won't work out, instead of, you know, being a bitch and fucking them over.
You talk a lot of shit OP, but it all falls flat. You try to show yourself off as some rebel who doesn't give a fuck, but in actuality you're just a pussy. You brag about being a cheater who admits it, and yeah you admit it, but you don't admit it to the person who matters (or doesn't matter in your case). If you truly didn't care you'd tell that week's boyfriend instead of pseudo-bragging about it here.
Now grow the fuck up.
You're a spineless coward. There are plenty of people out there who would be willing to be with you in an open relationship, but you knowingly lead people on and you seem to actually enjoy it. Why put someone you "love" through something so shitty? Grow a pair and find someone who's okay with your desired lifestyle.
I feel you are being very selfish. If you want to cheat or be with others, dont have a boyfriend. If you want a relationship where you can be with other people, find someone who doesn't mind an open relationship. I think your excuse is pathetic. Think of this too. What if your boyfriend leaves you , because he does one day find out you cheated? No big deal right, you just break up, you move on. Well, what if you are married 15 years, have a couple kids, a friend circle together, become part of your community, and bam he find out about you cheating in the past or maybe you are still cheating in the present and he finds out about that, then either way he leaves you....but if you didnt cheat or you would have let him go before you could have saved his feelings, a divorce, your children. It's all possible. If you want to sleep around cool, but stop being such a petty slut.
p.s.- I have never cheated on anyone, I've been cheated on and left the jerk in a swift moment, I don't like cheaters and I wont be friends with cheaters. It makes me feel if they can do that to their SA, why would they be a good friend to me?
I think somewhere in your head you like to believe most people cheat. You are trying to rationalize all of this...and you really can't. You are being dishonest. That's wrong. Simple.
@Saridactyl@xanga - I agree!
"Telling him would just be painful and stupid for us both."
More like, "Telling him would just be painful for ME. Not like I give a shit about HIS well-being anyways."
Who do you think you're fooling here? You're no politician.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - I noticed the same thing. But hey, I thought she didn't care, remember?
@Kazydai@mancouch - Heh
oh dear god i hope he finds out what you are up to.
You're labeling yourself in the wrong category
You are a swinger category
If you truly have no qualms about your actions and know that you and your boyfriend "would still be together" even if he knew, why not just tell him? Wanting an open relationship is one thing, but hiding your actions from your boyfriend is essentially forcing him into a lifestyle he probably doesn't want (you admitted that you thought it would hurt him to know). I suppose you don't have to be "apologetic" about your cheating, but you certainly owe it to your boyfriend to tell him about it so that he knows what he's dealing with.
Honestly, I believe you deserve to be dumped - not because you're a cheater, but because you're a liar. What you're doing is reprehensible.
As for the other part of your question -- to my knowledge, no one has ever outright told me I've been cheated on, but there was this guy who I hung out with for a week unofficially, then we made it official...three days later he breaks up with me and I'm thinking is this dude fucking serious...makes me wonder if he was talking to someone else at the same time, because a week later, he started "dating" someone else and introduced someone new to his family. I think they had just met though after he "finished" dating me and he didn't know her while we were hanging out.
He even introduced me to his family as his girlfriend for one day and 12 hours later he breaks up with me in a text. I'm glad I didn't fall for him! If I were his parents I'd think my son is an idiot for introducing a girl and then breaking up with her in less than 24 hours. He sucked anyway. Honestly, I couldn't tell his index finger from his tiny dick. Even his friends call him a "pencil dick." I lied to him and said he was "good," lol. Needless to say, I was only with him because he is a partier and a fun guy to hang out with. I needed some fun in my life because it had just been all school and no play and he had the connections to big parties.
I feel that if you're willing to admit what you're doing is cheating and you don't really care while at the same time you know you would be devastated if you found out he's been doing what you have no qualms about... you are unusually self-aware, and contradictory as it may seem, I find the admission itself to be a highly desirable quality as there are so few people who would admit to cheating (even if they wouldn't cheat intentionally) that it sucks you continue to cheat anyway.
There's obviously nothing to gain from not cheating on him if you personally don't care and if you know he would still be with you anyway, but it is an investment in your relationship and in your boyfriend that is never too late to make in good faith. It's not a character flaw to see no point in being a good person if you truly believe no one else would notice anyway... but I can tell you for certain that the good things you do when no one is looking don't go unrewarded because nobody cares to notice them... but in reality it's because no matter how immeasurably positive, the impact unseen actions have on oneself and others is so broad that almost nobody else can notice them.