Wednesday, 05 September 2012
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My So-Called Family
I have two kids by a 24-year old man, whose main intention is destroying my life. I haven't been with him in almost 4 years. Yet, he still finds ways to piss me off.
Every time we have a disagreement he tells me that he had sex with my sister, while we were together. Now, I don't put it past him nor her, but of course my sister fully denies it and he has no reason to lie.
Just recently I found out he had sex with my cousin, whom was either 16 or 17 at the time. We weren't in a relationship then, but he was with another female, whom he also has two kids with (younger than mine). My cousin, who is turning 19 in a month, says she's in love with him--haha!
This man was my first everything. I do mean...EVERYTHING! And even though I no have feelings for him, it pisses me off that after she's seen what I went though with him, knowing that he doesn't do anything for our kids and has hit me in the past, she believes he has changed.
Needless to say I don't speak to her. She's scared to go to any family member's house, out of fear that I might show up. She's family so it's only a matter of time until I do run into her. He still calls me ALL THE TIME to say what a mistake everything was and that he still loves and wants to be with me. But what she doesn't understand is if I would leave the man I'm with (which I never would), he would drop her in a heart beat. He even denies having contact with her at all anymore, to be with me. It's not me being cocky, that's just how it is.How would you feel if an ex started to date someone in your family? Would you allow it?
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- From: Edenmm20@xanga
- Name: Edenmm20
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 2786 Comments: 0 14 View all posts by Edenmm20@xanga
Comments (14)
I don't think that would happen, since I don't have a sister. Let's not go down that other path either. Even if I did have a sister, I would have been telling her all about him, so if she was crazy enough to do it, I would let me dad know what he did to me . . . I think the story would cease at that point. Sure, she'd would be upset with me, but she would have her dignity intact.
It's not really up to anyone to allow it. People are independent in making their own decisions. If I was that against it and had good reasons to be I would talk to whatever family member about it. I can't see it happening since my sister and I have wildly different tastes in guys and my only two girl cousins live further away and I already know they would never do that. If my family member still insisted on dating them though I would just back off. It's their decision and if they knew everything that happened and still believed they changed they need to find out for themselves.
Growing up I was so grateful not to have a sister for this reason. If an ex started dating someone in my family though, I would end it pretty quick. Most of my family is smart enough to not do something like that out of respect for themselves and me. The other not so smart part of my family...well they can do whatever they want because I don't speak to them now anyways.
I'm pretty speechless after reading that. All I can say is good luck with everything.
My exes have never tried getting with my family members and vice versa. It's not that I wouldn't allow it, but I would be totally disgusted and extremely annoyed. I would never knowingly date someone who has dated one of my family members. You don't do that.
Ah, family feuds. Sometimes I wish I had a sister around my age, because then I would have an automatic best friend for life, but at times like yours, I don't even have a cousin around my age who's single nor a sister at all. The cousin that's one year older than me lives on the other side of the US and is married, so I don't have to deal with this kind of stuff from family. I already get grossed out by the thought of swapping exes with friends, it's even more disgusting if they keep it in the family.
I'd just tell your cousin to have fun with your sloppy seconds she'll learn the hard way and she can't avoid you forever. Shows how much she values family above scum bag guys who come and go. I wouldn't touch a guy again if he got with another family member OR "friend" either.
My younger sister and I are pretty different people in so many ways. We used to look a lot alike to the point where people thought we were twins but it's clear to everyone who gets to know us just how different we are. That being said, a guy who gets with me is unlikely to ever want to get with my sister just because she probably wouldn't be his type he wouldn't be hers. My sister and I don't get along too well so I doubt she'd even consider getting with any guy who's already been with me and the same goes for me to her. My relatives are completely different from my sister and I, but we all love each other and are somewhat close so if they were to find out that a guy had already been with me, then they'd stay away from him.
In your situation though, there isn't much you can do but let her experience the truth for herself. A lot of girls her age won't believe anything anyone tells them if it goes against what they believe in when it comes to a guy they've fallen "in love" with. All you can do is try to be there to help her pick up the pieces when he breaks her heart.
Or if you're a bitch like me, record conversations when he calls you and tells you he still loves you and that he's not in contact with your cousin and all that. She may completely disregard it despite your effort, but hey, later on she can't say you didn't try to warn her.
You need to move on and stop worrying about what he's doing or saying. I wouldn't give a crap if I was in your shoes and put him on child support. Just saying.
I remember you, weren't you on Jerry Springer this morning?
Who gives a damn about your ex? Just get yourself an STD test cuz it's clear that a scuzzy guy has stuck it in you unwrapped at least twice. Can't be too careful, especially since you have two kids.
Can't not allow anything. I don't really have family, I guess I do, but none are even close to me in age, and/or anywhere near me in location. So the chances of anyone I've ever been with getting with any of them is so slim that I doubt it would ever happen. Though if it did, and it wasn't a girl whom I was in love with I could probably care less. I'd probably give my cousins some tips on what she likes.
I could not see that happening in my family - but it doesn't mean that it could not. Growing up in a large family did get to hear the most bizarre stories and cousins with cousins and that sort of thing - oddly enough, it was always in stories - never did see anyone together.
I think this is your fault. Just ignore him. Why do you keep opening your ears to new information about him. If people are coming to you with new info on him, just tell them you don't wanna know. Stop getting updates on his life. Let your useless cousins do whatever they want with whoever they want, let them fall into the same hole you're in, who cares, just ignore/forget/don't go looking for new info/don't ask for new info/don't talk about him/block him/if he sends you messages don't read or respond to them.
whoa... he's a jerk... 0____0
I think taking the time to write this was giving him way too much acknowlegement. Let your cousin make her mistakes, and move on from yours.