A few months ago, my co-worker told me this story.
Her friend was dating this guy and hooked up with him. Afterwards, he told her that they couldn't see each other anymore.
When asked why, he informed her that she was "selfish in bed."
Um. Ouch.
Apparently, he had gone down on her and she made no move to reciprocate. But he didn't ask or make a comment about it, then dumped her. How mature.
Sure, it can be awkward directing a partner in bed, especially when you don't know each other that well. But what's the point in having sex if you don't enjoy it? Gently guiding hands and tongues, short commands that kinda count as dirty talk... all these work as well if you're really too shy.
They're sexy and aren't excessively critical of a complete stranger.
But this guy clearly wasn't shy, since he told this girl flat-out the reason he was breaking it off. So he's just an immature kid who can't ask for what he wants in bed and blames other people for it. I hope he doesn't get another blowjob for a while.
What do you think? How do you direct your sex partner?
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Communication is key. If you can't talk about it, probably isn't a good match anyway.
so let me get this straight--the girl doesn't reciprocate, and he's the bad guy, right? that's the best news i've heard all day, cause that means i am totally not the bad guy for not reciprocating after i get blown.
god bless america.
She's not a mind reader, how is she suppose to know what a stranger likes? Like already stated communication is key!
it depends if they are seriously dating or merely sex buddies. if it is casual sexing, then neither can have high expectations, so if he doesn't speak up, too bad, and if he breaks up with her because he feels being taken advantage of, because she lays around getting more pleasure and he feels it isn't fair that he's giving and not receving, and she feels it is unfair that he didn't directly tell her that she sucked in bed, then too bad:D I'd have more sympathy if it was a serious relationship and if it is, then that's inconsiderate of her to not get a clue and give back sometimes, but he should also express his dissatisfaction.
Maybe his junk smelled rank, anyone thought of that? A boyfriend I slept with did not taste good and while I did what I had to in order to keep him happy, I came to dislike giving him blowjobs. That boy seriously needed a better diet.
Either way, both people need to communicate during sex. If I'm comfortable with the guy then I'll straight out tell him he stinks and I'm not going to stick my face there unless he washes up and smells better. The guys usually don't say anything to me about how I smell or taste but I'm experienced enough to watch their facial expressions in order to figure it out. I always clean myself up before I do anything with a guy but sometimes it can't be helped if I'm on my period or whatever. And yeah, some guys are fine with going down on a girl when she's on her period. If he is then he shouldn't complain to me. I'm usually the one trying to keep his face away.
I think I went on a tangent. But yeah, if he's that type of guy then your friend is better off not hooking up with him anymore. Always communicate people! Oh and you've got a good list of subtle ways to direct a sex partner, just wanted to let you know that :)
If you want something, ask! Don't expect others to read your mind. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
I would rather give without receiving than be caught dead receiving but not giving. If sex was seen as giving to someone else rather than a you scratch my back I'll scratch yours, I think this would be a happier world.
I'm not a fan of blowjobs in the first place, but it always kinda bugs me when a girl doesn't even try/offer/motion that she would want to go down on me. I don't really want it, but I want to know that she'd want to. Just like I'd want her to know that I want to do everything I can to make her feel good, and if she's not into whatever it is she can tell me to stop or do something else instead. But when a girl doesn't even make an effort and makes it more like it's a one way show it just bugs. I don't feel like that is something you should have to tell someone to do for you. Which positions you like, what to do once you're down there, where on your body you like to be kissed/sucked/flicked/plucked/licked/fucked whatever sure, yeah you can communicate that. But the simple stuff? I don't think that has much of anything to do with communication.
its frustrating because i am very frank with my partner and tell him my exact wants and needs. i want to be choked cuffed and hair pulled he does not even try to satisfy my depravity. sigh.
@katethoughts@xanga - we should probably hang out sometime.
What if she didn't want to go down on him?
Unless I discovered my partner had some sort of sexual need that I knew I'd never want to participate in, I wouldn't end a potential relationship because our first time in bed things didn't go exactly as I wanted them to.
SO, I think that this guy used it as an excuse to dump her. He found out, for whatever reason, that he didn't want to continue with her, and this was his excuse. People do that ALL the time.
and, it IS possible that your coworkers friend isn't telling all of the story. maybe he did ask and she was like "no way" and that is a deal breaker for him. I wouldn't continue dating a guy who made it clear he wouldn't go down on me ever.
we are getting this particular tale 4th hand, and when a girl is pissed that some guy dumper her, and the story goes through two more girls who have been pissed off at some time that some guy dumper her...well, it's likely that some facts may have been omitted or altered along the way.
yeah, communication makes the bed get hotter, no doubt, but it takes some time to figure out each other's signals, or, for some people to get comfortable asking for things at the very start of a relationship. There is often a time where we are testing things out with a new partner to establish compatibility etc.
That being said, I knew a guy years ago who said he wouldn't continue to date any woman who wouldn't have anal with him on the first date. My response was "I bet you don't get too many second dates"
what is up with everyone? you would *expect* the person you hook up with to reciprocate.. it IS super selfish to just receive and then just end it there.. although the guy could've said something during the hookup
If it was an isolated sexytime... aren't you supposed to play it up and put on a show and be your best the first time with someone? IDK, I don't do that sort of thing, but I'd think you'd want to do well. O.o So... I could see how, thinking "all mine" was the best she had to offer, he could be not cool with that.
I definitely see where the guy is coming from. He shouldn't have to ask; reciprocation in any aspect of life is what non self absorbed people do. Unless there were signs from the guy that made it seem to the girl like he didn't want a bj, the girl was clearly selfish and she deserved to be dumped.
If two people are sexually compatible they should be inherently so. No need for communication, otherwise following that logic you can go bang just about anyone, direct them to your desires, and call that "good" sex. Oh wait, I suppose people do engage in standardless hookups all the time.
Bottom line, you should do sexual favors because you personally want to and on your own volition (because it's fun, sexy, whatever) not because someone asks you to and you only do it to
make them happy/keep them satisfied
If I don't plan on giving, I don't receive. Like come on, isn't it more common to just kinda give and then get?
Still not a breakup excuse though.
Uh, my bf never used to reciprocate. We didn't even have sex, I just gave him bjs.
Gladly that's changed, but yeah. Guys are way guilty of that too,if not more so sometimes.To avoid the awkwardness of having to ask for a snarler, I keep a flare gun on the side of my bed. When the moment hits me, and it's time for her to chug-a-lug that ding dong, I just fire off a flare and she knows it's her moment to go below deck. If she ignores the first flare, I fire off a second one.....right in her fucking face!
I think my favorite part is seeing what they come up with and how my body reacts to it. I'm not one for giving much direction... and if they need it, I'm definately not turned on. I might as well masterbate if they can't figure out how to please me.
More on topic... my ex once told me I was selfish in bed because he preferred to have 3 orgasms for every ONE that I had.... and one night we both had 3.
If you are curious about doing a love spell or have some doubts as to if these spells are safe and wise to do, my only advice to you is to take the time to contact agbalaxy@gmail.com on what it is that you want, and i strongly believe that he can also work things out for you as he did for me in restoring my home and making my home happier than it was before..................ELIZABETH
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