I'm a person who values their privacy. Very few people can say they know much about me. Those that do, are a small group of close knit friends and family, if that. So when it comes to relationships, who I'm seeing, or my sex life, details are often very limited. Some may call it tight-lipped or reserved, I prefer the term "mindful." What goes on in the confines of my bedroom, or with whom, is my business. No?
Well, if you've answered yes, then I know there are some people that may also disagree with you and I: Those that have no issue with divulging some (possibly too much) information about their relationships and sexual gratifications.
If I'm honest, in my teens, I did exactly that. My best friend knew everything that went on with me. Who I slept with, who licked, who sucked -- everything! It's just a time when I felt the need to share stories and know what was being done; my exploring phase. But now as we've both gotten older, we're more guarded with certain things. Not everything we do as adults is need to know information. Sure, we both ask, but we don't always get the answers we seek.
It's mostly assumed that men are more open about their sexual exploits, just like it's assumed that men are the bigger "freaks" in bed -- most of which comes from their need to always talk about it. Women are more meticulous about who they talk to, letting their minds wander instead. For example: Don't tell this friend your boyfriend's penis size 'cause you might find yourself with an issue on your hands. Or don't tell that friend how good your sex life is because they'd soon want to find out for themselves.
I've never thought of any of these as reasons to NOT share tales. Mostly because my best friend is a lesbian, and she couldn't care less about penis anyway.
But, I'll let my friends know who I went out with last night for dinner. They'll know who I was talking to on the phone, why I didn't answer their call. We talk about sex and favorite positions. But as far as me going into specific details? It depends on how deep they want to get. However, the brakes are usually pumped before they go too far.
Are you someone that kisses and tells? How much information do you consider TOO much?
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Comments (26)
my friends in high school were mostly tomboys, so I rarely shared anything. I didn't become a freak until after college
I don't kiss and tell to my friends/family. however, there isn't much to tell since my friends don't have scandalous sex lives or not that I know of, and if they have a secret sex life/affair or whatever, I don't know about it. the way to avoid being easily caught is to not kiss and tell too many people if they did scandalous things, but some like to share, not that I condone cheating, but the less drama, the better. I mostly rant to my friends about a guy being a jerk. the enjoyable sexy stuff, I keep to myself because I'm possessive and that info is mine.
for flings, i don't care, everything is public information. one of the biggest reasons i go and do what i do is for the stories, so if i didn't share, it would kind of defeat the purpose. if i was seeing a girl long enough for her to meet my friends though, things get stored in the vault.
on a related note, i don't talk about sexual history with girls in whom i'm interested--not her fucking business.
I don't see anything wrong with being a little more tight-lipped. I find it to be attractive in that it's a sign of maturity.
I don't tell, because I think it's between my partner and I, not us and the rest of the world. My best friends will ask when I've slept with them, and if I have, I'll admit it, but I won't go into details or complain or anything like that because I feel that it's really unfair on them. I wouldn't want my performance being analysed by a bunch of relative strangers, so why should it be okay for me to analyse theirs?
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Yeah it is "her fucking business" so she can see if you're serious about someone or you just use people to get your rocks off. She has a right to know. You can't keep everything from someone. If you have something to hide from your history, obviously you've done things that you're not proud of. I always tell my partners my numbers and I'm not ashamed of it and if they have a problem with my history he can go fuck himself. I'll find someone who will accept it and it won't matter to him because history is what makes a person today.
P.S. Waiting on a "new" perfectly flawless article written by you. Oh right, your articles suck so much that they didn't even get published. They'd rather publish that Austrailian rich gal, than whatever crap you write.
I tell all my bedroom tales, in fact, I've been known to tell a little too much details. Although there are only a few close friends who I tell the extreme details to. I only tell the minimal to everyone else.
I have nothing to hide from anyone. I'll say if we did it or not. I've been with 15 people. Not whorish/promiscuous at all. Going on 5 years, I've been with the same guy since Winter 2008 so if they think they can judge me for my past before that, they can think again.
Not my fault that before, I've met douche bags who are unreliable. I'm not going to stay celibate my entire life. I'll even say I've had two/three one night stands, have been with a married man (but he lied about his single status, again not my fault and if any bible terds judge I'll just say isn't God about forgiveness? It's not like I purposely go seeking for taken men. If I find out they're taken and they try to hook up with me, I'll just say go find some other low self-esteem bitch who will get with anything that walks, but that person ain't me. I've even hooked up with a guy after 3 days of knowing him and boy did his ex get jealoussss. She's one to talk though...she's younger than me and has been with 70 people as well as had an abortion. At 26-years-old, being with only 15 people isn't bad at all considering most people my age have been with at least 30+ people. Plus i've been with the same person 5 years currently and am still going strong with that one person.
I even count the 2 minute ones, but I explain that two were that short because I changed my mind about getting with the guy. Wish I had changed my mind before the act, but by definition it counts.
I kiss and tell about the unfaithful cheaters who cheated with me for sure. Wish I knew where their wives were to tell them he took his ring off his finger while with me.
I don't believe in such a thing as there being too much information. Nor do I really care (in a negative or positive way) about someone's past. So I've had people often tell me all their sexual acts in detail, and if asked I'll often tell mine in return. I usually don't give names, or if I do it's because the person asking has no idea who the other is. I'm not the type to go out and be like hey guys guess what I did last night, nor do I generally go into depth about it. However, if it's asked or brought up in conversation already I'll talk about different past experiences.
When it comes to people talking about me, I'd rather them not, but if they do, no biggy. I've had people spread rumors/make up stories about me in bed, and that kinda sucks but again no biggy.
Wow, that guest is really on your tail.
It's okay to be "mindful" of what you disclose. The past is the past and it shouldn't interfere too much with the present. I think knowing everything about someone else's business can a bad thing. Everyone always plays the numbers game - but what does that really do? I think it's more damaging than anything. You can show/share how serious you are in other ways. The number of past sexual partners wont mean much if the person treats and respects you in the way you deserve. Its the quality that should matter, not the quantity.
I kiss and tell to my closest friends. Even then, I'm reserved in the amount of detail.
Maybe the guys I went out with are odd but they didn't tell me much about their sexual past. My last boyfriend wouldn't even tell me how many sexual partners he had, he said he couldn't remember but I just think he didn't want me to know. I may be too open and maybe share too much but I'm just an open person.
@NinjaJodi@xanga - tbh, i feel kind of bad--i think it says a lot about your station in life if you find it necessary to spend that much energy hating someone else, let alone someone on the internet. hope she figures things out for herself...
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - haters gonna hate.
@NinjaJodi@xanga - "Haters gonna hate" who still says that? Only people in high school? because I know no mature young adult still says that! That saying is as old as dumb asses who still say "derp."
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - *Yawn* the only hater I see here are you trolls. Almost every new post that gets posted, you are the top posters that start hating on the article. Get over yourselves, you aren't that great. I hate to burst your bubble you really do suck. :) Like I said if you think you're hot shit and such a good writer submit and article and we'll be the judge.
I tell my past to weed out the fake people as was said in another post. If they aren't accepting of my past then they're not the ones for me because my past is what makes me a great person today. I've learned from the bad experiences, and if you're afraid or don't wish to disclose the past, then that means you are ashamed. People will find out, and if I were you, I'd rather they find out from me than someone else. The past matters because I will not date someone who has been with a family member or close friend previously.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - back for more? sit your cocky ass down already. You've been told numerous times and I will tell it again if need be.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - @NinjaJodi@xanga -
If in a hypothetical situation I should have the unfortunate luck of ever personally meeting you, and then down the line, we start talking and you are really vague about your past, I wouldn't trust you at all. Makes me wonder what else you're hiding if you don't want to share the past.
I'm pretty open about the details of my sex life so long as I'm comfortable with the person I'm talking to and if they're comfortable with me getting into those details, haha. I won't give names of the guys I've been with but hey, if you wanna know something then ask. I'll decide if I'm going to answer or not, but chances are I will. When I first started having sex, I wouldn't tell ANYONE anything about my sex life, not even my closest friends. Heck, I wouldn't even admit to whether I really did have sex with the guy or not. I let people speculate but never answered anything. I became more comfortable talking about it and sharing stories with friends once I gained more sexual experience.
I'm comfortable talking about what happens in bed with others. I kinda enjoy it, you never really learn anything new if you don't share the knowledge.
All depends on the person, I guess. I think love is too important to share the most intimate details of when it comes to sex. Some, maybe, but for the most part... no.
Have I talked to my best girl friend and said that was awesome sex? Yes. That so-and-so is my favorite position? Yeah. But usually I keep to myself.
@Guest - Says the "guest" commenter. It's very easy to express your harsh opinions of us as a guest. I'm not trying to side with anyone here, but you're taking a personal jab at me and I have no clue why. Whats the point of bloggers posting these entries? For comments, opinions/advise, perspective. Maybe just to air our their own thoughts to the public. Maybe they dont even care what we think.
Everyone has their own personal opinion, sometimes it's not shared. Clearly you don't share some ours. It's okay. Im not mad at you. But what is the first line of this post?
"I'm a person who values their privacy."
You are obviously not someone who values yours. If you want to tell the world your business, that is okay. It's how you want to live your life, and I'm glad you are comfortable with that. So the writer and I are private people, this does not mean we are secretive. Maybe we chose to disclose information at our own pace, and only to people we are confortable with.
This is a public forum open for people to comment freely about their thoughts, pertaining to the entry. I think we've all done that, save for the few comments you've left.
Why would you actively spend so much negative emotion on people you don't even know? For what? What do you gain from this constant belittling? If it really makes you feel so much better to shame people, please talk to me personally about your issue with me. This is not the place for so much HATE. You are hating unnecessarily. But it's in your nature and you will probably continue to hate.
the trick, my friends, is to let everyone else tell their hot tales.....and you tell nothing at all. Then you know all about them and they still know zip about you. Make 'em wonder!
Jyll Stonecypher
Bed of Cole's by A-I Press 10-22-12
don't kiss and tell.. my motto
I'm pretty tight lipped about stuff like that. I also get really uncomfortable when people tell me detailed stories about their sexual experiences. It drives some of my friends crazy, since they like to tell all and I never want to listen. I don't know why it makes me so uncomfortable, but I guess to me some things are just better kept private.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - lolololol You spend the same amount of energy with all your opinions on the internet hahahah .
you're no different then her. Its just the way that you say it is more socially (xangan) acceptable
@tiiiiiiiffany@xanga - haha. while i do spend way too much fucking time on this site, the difference is that i don't write a half-dozen comments on every post making repeated personal attacks at people for NO reason at all.
p.s. different *from* her, not "then".
If I'm in a serious and commited loving relationship, I definately share less details. Probably because the details are too sappy and I don't like to share that part of me with many people.
However, if I'm just hooking up with someone... I will tell my friends every single sordid detail.