Monday, 03 September 2012
-
Do You Try to Warn Others?
This post was submitted anonymously.
Recently, I started talking to someone new. I then found out that he's still seriously talking to his ex while at the same time doing things with me. Sometimes I just want to find out who these exes are and ask them why they are still trying to be with a guy who isn't giving his full attention to her? They may think he is, but he isn't. Perhaps that's how they want it to be; they aren't official so she can see other people while at the same time seeing their main squeeze. It's unfair to others they are seeing who aren't seeing anyone else.Would it make me look "psycho" to warn people how their ex is trying to have his cake and eat it, too?
If someone came up to you and said something about the ex you were trying to get back with, wouldn't that be doing a favor to show he is not making you his priority but an option? If I found out an ex was "trying" to get back with me while hooking up and dating other people at the same time, I would want someone to tell me because I am not going to waste my time on only being an option.
Is it so much to ask for a one-woman kind of guy? It'd get tiring for me to juggle people around like they were nothing.
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (32)
No, I don't it is too much to ask for a monogamous relationship, that is, if it is what you both want. But, you'd have to ask why he's still talking to the ex. They are broken up for a reason. Do you really want to get involved with someone who really isn't ready to move on?
In this situation, move on, it's kind of none of your business if he cheats on other women. If some random woman came up to me to tell me about something my man (whether he was a hook up or not) was doing and it didn't involve sexual assault, abuse, drug dealing etc. depending on my mood I'd either thank her but tell her to mind her own business or I'd tell her to fuck off (and that's the friendly version). I get the feeling half his exes know the deal and they don't give a shit (and they will tell you this if you were to warn them). The others may actually be naive enough to think he'll change, but that is still not your problem.
I would think whoever this person is, is completely crazy. I wouldn't ever try to get back with an ex, though.
I'm not sure what "seriously talking" actually means, and how that evolved into him getting up to some kind of mischief with them... but unless you know the ex and know that she feels like he is interested in her, then take the high road and assume they are just good friends. You've got to remember not all ex-relationships are the same, for all we know the relationship they had was more of the 'best friends' that slipped into sleeping together kind than the hardcore romantic love kind. If it is just because they remained good friends, then either accept it or leave, because regardless of what you do, you will look like the psycho in the equation. Even if you do something, and are right, he'll never trust that he can casually talk to a girl with you knowing ever again.
Even bigger point.... from what I can tell nowhere in this article does it say you are actually in a relationship.. just "doing things". Until you define the relationship, he can talk and do whatever he likes with whomever he likes. Sure it would be courteous to give all his attention to one person, but until you figure out what is going on between the two of you, leave the drama alone.
Your math is flawed.
"If I found out an ex was "trying" to get back with me while hooking up and dating other people at the same time,..."
= If I found out he was only making me an option...
"...I would want someone to tell me because I am not going to waste my time on only being an option."
...he would no longer be an option.
Good excuses make great confessions.
"Mi amore vole fe"
"why they are still trying to be with a guy who isn't giving his full attention to her?"
uh...doesn't this exactly describe you right now? does anyone else see the irony in this statement?
you don't get to demand monogamy until you've been seeing each other for a couple months, by the way (you didn't specify). and similarly, don't bitch about it being unfair, when you can (and should) be doing the same thing.
this post is a fail.
Um, I need some clarification. Are you seeing this guy romantically or are you two just hooking up? Because if it's the first, then why are you so concerned about his exes? Be concerned about yourself because frankly, he isn't exactly give you his full attention either and it means you're just an option.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - your post is the fail. The op said that it is unfair to others who arent seeing anyone else basically implying she isnt seeing anyone else. That is twice now where uve misread an article.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Bingo.
@xinq@xanga - no, i got that. unless they have any explicit agreement that they shouldn't be seeing other people, there should be no assumption or expectation as such, just because one person is doing it.
if you could kindly tell me where my other mistake is, i'd appreciate it--i do read these articles pretty fast sometimes and am liable to fuck up, and i like to correct myself later when that does happen.
if you have to ask "does that make me look psycho"...you probably already know the answer.
No it's no always fair but that's kind of how matters of life and love are.
I think it's pretty obvious that you should work out your issues with him, not with them.
Your posts are so boring and try-hard, yawn.
to clarify what i said earlier: when i said "doing the same thing", i meant seeing other people.
Do you know the ex? Are you friends and/or were you around when they broke up? Are you certain he's trying to get back with her, or is that just your assumption from interactions you've seen with him? If you are certain he wants his ex back why are you still trying to be with him if you think he's not giving you his full attention since that seems to be an issue for you? Basically if you don't know her or the entirety of the situation I say no, don't go warn her. She may know just as much as you do and it may or may not matter to her. She may know nothing and shoot the messenger. She may not believe you and think you're just trying to make her hate him so you can get him all to yourself. It's an odd situation but really there's not much to do unless you absolutely know all the facts and even better if you are actually friends and/or have been around since before they broke up.
I know back in school it was very difficult for me to make friends cause 'word of mouth' was passed from boys and girls what kind of person I was, where I lived, how naive I was, and what they could all do and get away with cause I would be too scared to tell anyone. Bad times - I'm glad they're in the past.
So forgive me, I see no gossip today of ANY kind as beneficial to anyone. Φ ≡
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - http://www.datingish.com/767654439/realizing-youve-been-had-after-youve-acted-like-a-crazy-bitch/
And who the hell gave you the nick name TheNotoriousGOD? What are you a "God" in? What are you NOTORIOUS for? Please don't tell me you think you're "good" at getting women or are "good" in bed. You should change your name to TheNoToriousAsshole because that's what you come off as, misreading people's articles and getting on people when that's not even what they are fucking saying in the article.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - I'm not even going to bother with how flawed T3hZ10n is. I've seen your comments to others, don't know why people waste time with you, but I'm not going to.
OP: Forget it, dude, their exes don't care how the guy treats the exes,
they'll keep going back to them because they're used to what they had.
Shit, just read that Virginity being Special article...she knows he's
always in a relationship with other people but still tries to win him
over. People won't care. Don't waste time, just don't get yourself
into a bad mix. People like that will get what they deserve for using
other people to "pass the time" like that.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I usually refrain from commenting, but I'm glad someone said it. Irony noted, good sir. I was thinking the same thing. From what I read of the first paragraph, it doesn't sound like she cut off ties with the guy, but expects the ex to.
On the issue of fairness, I think that as long as each party communicates their intentions with openness in the beginning, then at least if someone doesn't want to be an option then they can move on. It's always unfortunate when someone invests more in a relationship than another party. Alas....
@forgottensecrettruths@xanga - Where are you getting in this article that the OP's still seeing HER "ex?" I've reread the whole thing and I still don't see it. Did you misread something? Apparently. All I see is her giving a hypothetical situation if it was her in that guy's shoes or her in the ex-girlfriend's shoes he keeps going back to. I got the impression that she's done with her ex when she said, "It's unfair to others who AREN'T seeing anyone else" and it's bolded, but I guess people seriously wave that line over their heads or assume that some posts are related to others when they aren't. I don't see any irony??
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga -
http://i48.tinypic.com/23ll0na.jpg
You failing to read this paragraph right. And I laughed my ass off literally when you were called out for it.
http://i47.tinypic.com/312cvw5.jpg
^Your response. It serves you right making a fool of yourself, Lol. I'd really quit while you're ahead. Making yourself look like a dumb ass once ought to knock you off your notorious throne, but no, I see you come back for more. Actually I've seen a couple of posters who have put you in your place, but you just keep on talking. You and T3h have that in common, don't know why you aren't buddies? Yet you resent him, Lol.
I am deathly against cheaters and I would never try to defend someone who defied the sanctity of a relationship.
With that said, you're kind of leaving your interpretation of "talking to" very vague. One of my female friends considers making out part of her "talking to a dude" agenda. For me, talking to a girl may mean platonic conversations with girls that I think are cute. I don't do it if I'm in a relationship, but when I'm single, I do talk to multiple girls. Do I consider it two-timing a girl? No, never crossed my mind until I read your article. I don't because I don't flirt or anything, outside of a conversation I would have with a friend - I ask them out formally to dinner if I feel like my feelings for them are developing in a positive way. I stop when I get serious with any one of them for whatever reason.
@SexyKhoiFish@xanga - I'm not the OP, but talking from my experience. Whenever I meet someone, I only concentrate on that one person, even if I may be single. I just could never flirt with other people though I have the rights to, especially if I'm trying to seriously be in a relationship with just one person. In my opinion, it is being courteous to the person who I'm trying to get to know as more than a friend and potential relationship. Once I see someone stick around for a while, though he isn't my boyfriend yet, I only pay attention to him. I couldn't make someone my boyfriend who was out flirting and trying to date others as well making people options to see which one is "best." True he may be single, but it's leading someone on. I don't call a lot of people I see boyfriend material. They just wind up being flings if they're not seriously going to commit to me and I'm fine with that.
@xinq@xanga -What I meant was to ask what the OP meant by "talking to multiple girls". I've known girls who've been jealous of their boyfriend's platonic female friends and I've known girls who've had good reason to be suspicious. I do not know the OP's mentality, but "seriously talking to his ex" means very little to me - I still have conversations with my ex, although I will neverget back together with her. Additionally, there's a whole lot of room for miss communication - what if he's just close friends with his ex? The story the OP tells is a beginning and we're sort of jumping to conclusions about the end based on a biased account of their relationship and, if words are to be taken seriously, a recent relationship at that. I don't mean to be overly critical and over analyze; I just believe this anecdote is overly ambiguous for so many of us to so quickly pass judgment.
Actually, now that I skimmed over a few of the replies, I totally agree with @xDark_horizonx@xangaActually, now that I skimmed a few more of the replies, seems like a lot of people agree with my assessment that this post is a bit ambiguous.
There are so many ways to interpret the writer's situation. I think basically, if either girl realized she were the "other woman" would she have wanted to be notified, or would she notify the other "other woman"?
Because this post is so vague and the writer doesn't elaborate on the type of "talking to" done by the guy, I think it's only safe to assume that the guy is the only one with the real option.
If I were the "other girl" I wouldn't really care - if it were established prior to the relationship. However, regardless of what kind of arrangement we have, its still a relationship of sorts and I don't want to catch anything if we're having sex, and the guy is having sex with other girls on the side.
He could be a fling for me and vise-versa. If I weren't told, then I still wouldn't care, as long as he didn't try to convince me of being in some kind of serious relationship from the beginning. It's just implied we'll be seeing other people at that point.
I've had flings fess-up to "talking to" (having sex - wining and dining) other females. And it's not a big deal, because I'm not taking our relationship seriously to begin with. I think it only matters when a girl feels that they're in a serious relationship, and knows there's something else going on and wants it to be monogamous. No one wants to be the "other woman" when they think they're the "only woman"...
If I've misread or misinterpreted anything - please feel free to enlighten me.